Greetings Bruce! I haven't heard from you on the board for awhile... I hope that you are doing well!

You are right about doing things that we liked to do before the events that caused the crash. This is what I had to do in order to anchor myself and to reintegrate within my new identity. It was all a very difficult undertaking for me, but by anchoring those agreeable pieces of my prior self to that of my newly developing self it helped me to become reborn without feeling completely lost in the process...

What you described is exactly what helped me to pull myself back together; and to become stronger, and ever-evolving.

PUL,
Cosmic_Ambitions

This is a good subject to talk about and learn from the experiences of everyone. 

Based on my personal experiences and those of others I've come in contact with I think these crashes can range from mild to extreme.  I have found that when they are on the more extreme side that these people are truly creating themselves anew and that it's a process of incarnation that actually takes us our entire lifetime to complete. 

Sometimes we complete it early and leave at a young age like we've all talked about here.  I also believe that sometimes we have the opportunity to complete an incarnation and choose not to leave, but instead create a new incarnation using our same body vehicle. 

I think many of the more major crashes that last for a couple of years, this is what is happening.  In these cases, it is sometimes difficult to fall back on the familiar things we loved doing previously as we no longer are interested in those things.  This also seems to add to the overall difficulty because there isn't much left of the "old me" and the person hasn't learned much about the "new me" to identify with this person.

I went through this about twenty plus years ago.  It was when I developed one of my favorite sayings... I love me just the way I am, no matter what way that may be.  Repeating this or something similar to yourself often can help especially when they attached gentle, loving feelings for their self when they repeat it.  It also helps to not have expectations about what you should do or should not do.  Follow your heart.

Love, Kathy

Hi Romain. you expressed yourself well; I resonated that the same thing happened to me. I've been a contemplative all my life, but five years ago after coming here some fantanstic spiritual things started happening for me and it started with reading Bruce's vision of a wave of, well,  curious energy with potential? floating in space checking this and that out and being pulled in by the gravitational field of the lovely, compelling green and blue earth. for she is compelling in the end. she is mother.
then, I do my own take on Bruce's vision as well he might expect me to anyway.
I feel very close to Bruce. perhaps we are the same disc or I am from a neighboring disc. I don't worry about the details right now. this explosion of life that happened is very much like the big bang to me. I can go from the premise we are one, but now it is as if we are separate beings for consciousness has individuated. my, we do insist on being individuals, so it might be hard to fathom such a vision as Bruce's for some, but not for me.

now lets get more practical or is it pragmatic, whichever it is I like what you said and its true for me also. you said: I can only speak for myself
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right. how true. I can't even speak for my children anymore...they are starting to outdo me..thank god! I wish I could take credit for that.
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, about what I’ve been able to learn, and how I’ve changed.
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I've changed too, all of it positive. I wish I could share it.
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Try this on and see it if fits..
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believe me, it fits! lol.
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< I’m less concern about being better than those around me.
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this statement to me means you're not competitive. no commercials for Romain. he's another real thing here. I too could care less about being on top of the heap whatever that means.
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< I’m trying to be less impatient with people
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me too. I try to be less judgmental, use less "shoulds" on myself and others.
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I’m alert for anything I can learn from them even how not to be if that’s the lesson
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precisely. sometimes people will surprise you and u learn everything you thought about them was not true. I love those moments. I laff at myself if I have to eat my words. I expect others to forgive me because I want to learn what forgiveness is.
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< I’ve learn to be much less “closed” with people, allow them to see a side hat I may not have (willingly)show before
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this really hits home too. maybe we can call it spontaneity instead of being run by a programmed belief. I'm in that process now with a creativity drive. u know I'm a musician and Romain is one also, well the best music comes from being less closed and more open to the flow of the ideas expressed in music. I sometimes show my own self a side of me I've never seen before..but that makes me more accepting of seeing the many sides of others too.
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I try not to get angry anymore or upset such a waste of positive energy
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me too. life has become precious, even to a moment. and I don't want to waste a moment being drained of all the good thats going on by being angry. as I got older I focused on what brings joy, and you are younger than me and already waking up to
not sweat the small stuff.
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And I try not to fret over things I have no control over and what a releave this is..lol
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I usually spend a fair amount of time fretting but then it leads me to some meditative state..or I fall asleep and dream the answer or meet a guide who reminds me I'm not always thinking of the highest good for all and I might have to open my mind further to what that is going to look like in actuality. it never fails that what is looking bleak at first somehow turns out positive in the end, and so I wasted a lot of time fretting over nothing! lol. many times had to remind self to not sweat the small stuff.

and last but not least I too laugh a lot more and enjoy life a lot more. I seem to have everything I could possibly want now. anything else would just be frosting on the cake. thanks again Romain, I feel like I could talk to you for hours. hugs, alysia

Hi Guys,

Today is the first day, since my last postings, that I’ve been able to feel good enough to follow through with logging in (thanks Bruce) because Valley Fever (4,000 cases in Az as of the news last week and all I keep thinking is that if I were betting the lottery I doubt that I would have been included in the group of 4,000 winners ) got the best of me by the end of April.  I’m still recovering from a major systems crash due to being in a drug induced coma for 2-3 weeks for repair work.  During the coma I had a variety of experiences including visiting and working with my soul group.

This experience occurred during the early part of my coma but because of the Monroe/Moen reading and research I had done, I think that I was better able to recognize it and to request a firm clear message to take with me when I knew it was time to return here. As for the month of June, it was spent on the couch in front of the tv due to my whole digestive system deciding to throw out the good bacteria with the bad.  I suspect that was my physical body going threw a systems crash as a result of the medications pumped in to this none med person.   

Anyhow I’m back and look forward to reconnecting.  Maybe you guys can help my digest what the heck happened, I know for me it was a pretty huge road sign. As I read these posts, I notice that the physical symptoms I’m experiencing are not all that unusual (similar to Mair’s) and I need time to recover but I do tend to get hysterical when I remember that there is a time limit concerning my job and no great insights have appeared.  For me, all of these concerns are my special brand of Systems Crash.    

I very much value what I have learned these past 2 months and grateful that I was smart enough to follow the afterlife knowledge path but I do get a little crazy when my next move is not clear and I’ve let go of the first trapeze bar but not yet grasping the other one.

As you all probably figured out, a lot has been going concerning my systems crash but the easiest part was when I was in the midst of the early part of the hospital stay and realized that I had to just trust and yield to the situation but now I on my own again with my untrusting tendencies to decide??? I gotta stop or I'll never post.

Thanks for being here. Cried with relief when I finally was able to post again. 

Love, Jean

p.s. I have so many stories and the mind is indeed very active when in a coma. Jk 

Dear Marilyn,

I'm still reeling but fortunatly yesterday I realized, since the latest stomach med was working, thanks to research done on HIV, that it was time to get off the couch, store the tv (not that I didn't learn a lot about what's happening), and work on the pc.

I do view the whole thing as an ongoing adventure with amazing happenings including those taking place in my mind and the unbeleivable reconnections with sons, brothers, friends, and coworkers.

For me, part of the key is being here with you guys to work it through.

Love, Jean

Hi Jean, I thought of you, where you were, and if you would post again here, so now I know you're back!

All the best to you!
Spooky

These sharings are very inspiring!
Jean, prayers and good wishes are being sent to and for you!

The parts of Bruce's writings that at present I see as the most influential in getting me to pull out of my crash was his easy (usually1 ) relationship with his guides and the necessity of clearly setting intent with them and myself.
While I was crashed I worked very hard in the workaday world and it made me sicker, and I thought
'Can't they see I work so hard for them because I love them? I must love them very much to work so hard that it makes me sick. When will I have proven my worth enough to be relieved of this pain and sickness?' Never, apparently because that never worked.  When I heard guidance I thought it was annoying; it wasn't dealing with what I thought I needed to know.

Medication helped with the physical parts  ,  but Bruce's writing was the key. When medication didn't restore my soul, I thought
'I'll go on strike. I won't do anything about this numb dumb soul in me since no other power is interested in it either.They'll have to call me back.'   I quit all spiritual practices, prayer, arts, study, dropped friends, any way I could show that my soul wasn't going to grow in those conditions. That never worked either. Suicide was growing as an option.

But fortunately that doing nothing period cleared my schedule and has given me alot of time to read Bruce's books.---Altho I devoured them first time around and am trying to retain more this time.

Beyond words, Bruce, Thank You!

Quote:


Hey everyone and Marilyn,

I'm really glad you posted this Marilyn, it has helped me a lot. So far I'm learning and have been OBE, got PE proof so I know its connected, and pretty sure on life after death and have had many amazing thoughtful experiences but I haven't experienced a belief crash yet i don't think... I was beginning to think why aren't I? when I've started to go furthur down this road and whats wrong kind of thing. But its good to read you don't have too have a crash to validate, accept, believe? all this and that in time it will happen.

Thankyou,

Ryan

Hi Guys,

Well my worst scenario appears to be in the process of happening. Due back at work Monday with relapse of bacterial infection and too tired to think of creative alternatives. The astrologist was right; my guides don’t make their appearance till I’m hanging off the cliff by my fingernails. I find that trying to keep a positive perspective in the midst of a crash is very difficult.  I keep looking for indications on what action to take that would bring me health, joy, and peace.

Seeking something to hold on to but the feelings are so transitory and the ideas so fleeting.  I knew that I wanted a degree but did not especially desire to be a social worker, met them as a kid and did not like them, but that’s where my experience lay.  Then when I got involved in this line of work I thought/hoped it would be about helping people but I discovered it was more about billable hours (BSC # 1-I still don’t know how this dilemma is going to be solved because in Capitalism it appears that the only two options are being a bookkeeper in one form or another or being an unpaid volunteer). Then being coheresed early this year into signing an “agreement” regarding these billable hours while simultaneously being required to be on call for service and all compacted into 6 hours real time-well jeese! (BSC #2-I believed that when push came to shove the company would understand how much us case managers are already doing and not harass us-this really hit me in the gut as I signed this “agreement”) I knew at this point that I needed a break for real and up pops Valley Fever (BSC #3, I did not think my manifested break would be so dramatic but I do believe that I created it with the help of my friendly guides), which provided me with a 3 months off.  But now it’s time to go back to my job with the added burden of a bacterial infection, which doesn’t want to leave (there’s a message here but I’m still not coming up with anything that gives me that spark of joy). I used to at least enjoy a cup of coffee and a few cigarettes before work and a glass of cold crisp Chardonnay and a few more cigarettes after a stressful day at work.  But now all that’s in the past (BSC #4, I can treat/relax and not have to learn to be at peace just by taking chemical mood adjusters). Which also means no more sitting at my desk to reflect on you guys wise words because this area is a trigger for my past vices.  What does one do around here to get a break here without using drugs???  A warm bath and cup of herb tea just doesn’t hack it.



So Saturday I started feeling desperate again and asked my husband to pick a card (eyes closed and cards with the message to the back) from the ACIM 350 card pack just to hopefully get me a little further along in my belief system crash.  As he read it, I realized that it was the same card I had chosen March 26th to comfort me before I went to the clinic to have the coughing up blood situation assessed.  Both picks, his and mine were random, if there really is such a thing, and done without seeing the message before hand out of a box of 350 cards approximately 3 months apart.  I’ll repeat the message; “When I said, “I am with you always,” I meant it literally, I as not absent to anyone in any situation. Because I am always with you, you are the way, the truth and the life. (T,107).  This message reminds me that my guides etc. are hovering about me and that the synchronicity of Mac and I picking the same card, that I am more than this little body inhabiting this little physical world.  After all it’s this weeyou/magic stuff that keeps me cheered.

Now tomorrow is the big day and hopefully as Mac suggests my getting back with people may be part of my recovery or then again it could be a situation closer to Alysia’s when she worked for the striking company.  Either way on the subconscious level I’m creating a situation that is not going to go as smoothly as I had hoped.  I funny when I think about the whole sickness thing and what a beautiful job, with minimal intrusion and very little recovery time, the Doctors did my lung and esophagus.  But by being in the hospital and nursing facility and/or taking antibiotics, I now have a life draining bacterial infection.  Fortunately I’ve progressed past the point where I blame my body or the establishment for betrayal and realize that it is some sort of message that will be revealed, at least in hindsight.  Meanwhile, I’m in the midst of crash (# 5-The way will be clear and easy-actually during the coma in May, I seem to remember/or inferred being promised by someone out there that if I did a certain task and succeeded, I would have an easier time upon re-entry. I successfully completed the task but no kudos).

Love to All, Jean 

Lucy, It’s funny that a lot of our best technology was originally developed for military purposes as AIDS has prompted us to do more in the field of the immune system.

betson, Thanks for your well wishes, it helped to motivate me to make sure I shared my current dilemma when it could have been so much easier just to watch a DVD.

Alysia, glad you’re getting along with your book and looking forward to having it in my hot little hands. So many things you mention are echo’s of what I’ve experienced and the ways that I’ve interpreted them. Plus, I can’t imagine editing a whole book when I have so much trouble even catching my “leave out’s” in a short post. J   

   

Marilyn,

Funny you should say that shortly after I read your post regarding the healer/doctor who was able to effect the suffering individuals in the mental institution where he worked by sending empathy and love from his heart.  It is hard to belive that a change in my mind could result in anothers being calmed.  So in some ways, like the psychologist you mentioned, I do take on their problems but I also realize that there on their own personal journey but if I'm to help a bit, I do my part. It's important to keep balance between helping/empathizingt and not assuming the others problems or burdening them with my expectations.  It's hard to do this in a field/culture where we are expected to be responsible for others beyond what we actually have power over or is appropriate.

But I do want to mention that with this current illness experience, I have placed myself in and recognize that I have covered most of the areas that my clients and husband live with on a daily basis.  From delusions to hallucinations, powerless to immobility, from not being able to concentrate to not have former use of my limbs, etc. I hope to not forget these teachings. I hope to be able to respond to others with more tolerance who don't have the health which I remember having. 

I just hope that I can remember some of what I'm reading from you guys so that I can keep my perspective when I return to work tomorrow.

Thanks Marilyn for getting me thinking. Love, Jean

Dear Marilyn,

I don't really see any external negative energy coming from others in this situation.  Any negative energy would be coming from me ie. my fear of not being able to complete my day with enough energy while keeping my wits about me.  That's why remembering that I'm not alone and to take one step at a time are so important for me now and your sharing of the story about the patients in the mental ward. 

If I had to pick negative energy out side myself, I would wonder about how all that TV watching for the past two months affected my attitude.  But even that seems to be more about connecting with others on a national and global scale.  Those individuals in the war zone are my sisters and brothers and I see it as their faces flash by.  Even GB is starting to look more human and vunerable to me.  I didn't realize that now there are no secrets and if anyone thinks there is, just watch TV on a discustingly regular basis.  Fortunatly the use of hidden cameras has come at the same time as wider acceptance of things beyond the physical world-What the Bleep Do We Know being as popular as it is.

Still, it never hurts to do rituals which calm and create more positives. I suspect that I'm still missing some of Monroe's basics and could use some help in figuring out which ones. The brain just isn't working in this area but hopefully by tomorrow I'll have more info on my next steps. It sure helps to kick this stuff around with another. 

Thanks for your suggestion.  Much Love, Jean

Hi Spooky,

I can't tell you how much your feedback is helping me as countdown hour draws near.  The idea of viewing my future self sounds good, I just need to calm down enough to meditate.  I get glimpses of things I'd rather be doing but nothing firm enough to hold on to and apply as a money maker.  I realize that I need a plan or at least a stronger indication of where I'm to go with my skills. The experience during the coma did indicate to me that I enjoy working on group projects with like minded individuals and the illness so far has allowed me to drop habits which could inhibit this working with others. You see, I want to be able to sit in both the smoking and non-smoking areas of the restaurant.  Of course in France that would not be a problem but here in the U.S. and so close to California-Weeelll! See I'm shooting to become more flexable than I am. 

I'm afraid that the morphin may have caused the details of my stay with my soul group to be lost due to state specific memory but so far I get nothing except the last impression and the message that focus creates our reality.  I sit here with paper work that gives me options but they either don't pay anything or a quarter of what I'm earning now.  There are certain perks to this job in the people connecting area and proving that I can do it-of course now this may no longer be true. 

I've asked myself if I would quit if I had enough money coming in but then I have no focus to keep me stimulated at this time so the staying there seems better. It's difficult when your in the middle of a transition and haven't quite spotted the shore on the other side. It's also difficult to be the person standing by who truly wants to help but for some reason I sense that I'm in a holding pattern and waiting for something to break. Time will tell on this BSC one but meanwhile keeping fear at bay seems to be my greatest challange.

Looking forward to reading anything you post.

Love, Jean

Dear Alysia,

Your responces are super as usual and yes you can drop in anytime.  It was a miracle that I slept as well as I did last night and have been able to respond this morning because of no longer smoking so inturn having more time to write.  I printed out your observation regarding spousal abuse on another thread, it sure makes sense.  But back to the crash, today should reveal wheather or not I have the stamina to go back to work full time in this particular position.  Either way it's a waiting game right now. 

It was always in my belief system to treat those in occupations of service as real human being's like myself but so far I've never hired a housekeeper though I've considered being one.  It's like nails on a blackboard when service workers are not treated with courtesy and respect.  My mother had a lot of influence in the area of housekeeping as an occupation because when she went to her minister for assistance and finiancal guidence, he demanded she clean houses to support her children.  Since then I figured I'd rather have a dirty house or live cooperativly in simplicity than hire someone for the job.

I too have to continue to work on the focus message and it's hard with so many distractions and yes I do try to remember ACIM's tips for getting through a period like this and creating something better. But it helps to be reminded.

Gotta go. Keep the faith! Love, Jean

Hi Guys,

Black Panther-so glad to hear from you, hope all is going well with you and your fam.  I'm trying to ride through my most recent life changes to come out on the other side a bit wiser. I'm hoping that recording this process and relating it to the multiple crashes I've been experiencing this year will make my task easier.

Dilemma; Can I really trust in guidance and my inner wisdom to help me through in the midst of a BSC?  The crash appears to be about learning to mellow out and trust as opposed to pushing myself to premature action just to relieve the stress of not being back in a secure, predictable pattern.

So, I went to work Monday hoping that the three page form that the doctor filled out last week would be enough to get me back into the work routine. Welcomed back again by co-workers and had a conversation with the director of the agency.  Then my boss informs me that I need to still get a note from the doctor before I can start work.  Actually I was pretty happy about this because I was exhausted by the whole routine of getting to work on this first day and a break to go back to the clinic seemed good especially since it won’t be open till the afternoon. 

At 1pm I arrive at the clinic to request a work release and then I take it back to the program coordinator and he faxes it Human Resources. I putter around for the next few hours trying to get reactlamated to my job.  I also spoke with a co-worker who informed me of the many untapped resources and grants the government has to support a person in my situation.  He learned of all this while trying to get services for his mother.  Unbelievable amount resources! Then I was informed just before the day was over that I still could not come back to work because I had neglected to add a sentence regarding restrictions.  I contacted HR to clarify the request realizing that the clinic would be closed now and that the doctor was not on duty Tuesday.  What to do when there is no one at the clinic to talk to?  I’m learning that managed care is a do it yourself project.  It’s similar to being your own housing contractor but using the PCP to do hiring of the various companies that do the work, by providing the specialist referrals.   

Back in a quandary as to how to approach the restriction issue.  Do I request of the doctor to sign for no restrictions or do I reinforce the possibility of a three day work week till I see the doctor again during the first week in August?  I have a smart doctor who realizes that in working with me, she has to listen to what I think I can handle, support my efforts in what I want to accomplish, and to respect my values.  But she’s as overwhelmed as any of us care providers and is limited in her ability to have quality time with her patients so it’s not like I can have discussion about implications of what I decide to do. 

Meanwhile, I’m continuing to go with the flow and trying not to think about no money coming in or the possibility of insurance being cancelled in case I can’t return to work soon.  So I approach my boss with the three-day restriction, he considers it, and states that he will support even though we both realize that this agency demands full time energetic young people to follow through with the requirements.  But I still have the problem of trying to get a revised letter, signed by the absent doctor and faxed to HR hopefully this week.  I felt little hope in being able to have my request done in a timely manner and remember in Mondays meeting with the doctor, she stated that she was going on vacation next week.

Meanwhile, the Universe/guides say, “No problem!  For me spirit didn’t speak in words but more in incidents or through other individuals on C1.  As I was calling the clinic to request a revision in the work release letter, I felt my abdomen. Holy beejesees! There was a hard protrusion about the size of a small orange.  As I hung up to reflect on this new turn of events I then decided to call the clinic back to report this newest symptom.  They requested that I come to the clinic by 12 pm to have it checked because it sounded serious.  While there I was able to reinforce the request for the revised letter, get a hernia doctor referral, and to get my records forwarded to the stomach specialist in time for my appointment.  As a side bonus I was given an entire copy of my chart in error. Interesting reading.  I then went back to work to give my boss, good heart, a copy of the revised back to work request and was informed that I cannot return until I get a call from him giving me an all clear.  I also found out the copy of my chart was valuable because the records would be destroyed after 7 years. 

Today I’m waiting for the clinic to open so I can follow up with the letter or waiting for my boss to call with the ok to return to work.  And even though I’m still not at a comfortable place regarding what action I’m to take about my career and many other things, I’m “forced” to slow down. I guess the difficulty stems from the fact that we are not machines that can be fit into the culture’s to do list.  We have physical and emotional limitations plus a huge variation of possibilities which have greater influence than these limitations to help us with change, crisis, and BSC if we can just recognize when we are in the midst and not get too wrapped up in taking desperate action to change it back to the “old days”. I questioned Human Resources regarding why they had to have this letter just so and were pushing it.  They reported that it was because the doctor had, in error, filled one of the questions in the wrong category and since I don’t believe in accidents I’m tending to interpret this holdup as an indication that I have support in not just jumping back into business as usual before the coma.

I just got off the phone with the clinic reminding them of my need for the letter and with my boss telling him that I was doing my very best to keep things moving.  I gave them both my cell phone number to insure that they can call if I’m on the web with you all. So in working with guidance during a crash, I still have to continue to do my part but I’m noticing that I’m more able to go with the flow and be open to the next clue.  It’s sort of like a treasure hunt. BSC symptoms seem to be reducing a bit and I’m sure enjoying putting my observations of the process in writing.  My next dilemma is whether or not to go to Curves and do the workout with the hernia or not.  Decisions, decisions,
decisions !!!

Love, Jean 

p.s. I hope in sharing my view of the BSC process, it will help someone else but either way thanks for listening. J

Alysia, I really do hope we are meeting out there because I relate to your posts in so many ways and to me it appears that you are mentioning things at the same time that I’m thinking about them more and more. 

                 

Jean, remember that we're never given more than we can handle.

I loved reading your last two posts. I see spirit at work in so many ways. And getting the 3 day work week is just great. You will come through all this a stronger person.

I'm sending you prayers and Love for complete healing. I see the bacterial infection and hernia gone.

Much Love,
Mairlyn

Mairlyn and Alysia,

Many thanks to both of you for your continued support. I'm really trying to see this entire movie from a larger perspective.  I tended to do this in the places I've worked-like I had to know about the different departments before I could effectively do my job.  I had to know the complete list of my responsibilities before I could complete a particular task. My former boss used to tell me that he would give me my next chore after I completed this one.  I had to make it clear to him that that was not the way I did things as a general merchadiser, so micro managing soon stopped. Now, in my current job, I have to struggle to complete one job.  It's like being back on the register at Eckerds but with a lot more interesting action.

Love, hugs, and kisses, Jean