I want to say thank you to everyone who has responded, and especially to anyone who chooses to meditate or pray for me.  I very much appreciate your loving kindness and willingness to help.

In terms of healing, the most important thing I need is a greater degree of peace of mind.  Whether or not the problems in my body and brain can be fixed, it would be wonderful if my soul could receive some higher level of peacefulness and a reduction of the existential fear that grips me.  I am so very afraid that no matter how hard I try, God just is not interested in helping me, because for some reason God has chosen me for wrath in this life.  I have never felt forgiveness for my past sins, despite repentance and prayer, and I feel a deep uncleanness within my being which I loathe and desperately wish God would cleanse me of my sinful nature.  I am also afraid that no matter how much good I do, when I die there might not be anyone in the spirit world who will bother to come for me and take me to heaven, because something about me is intrinsically evil and unworthy.  I fear this because of my many unanswered prayers in this life -- both prayers for health and also prayers for God to change my nature and certain personality traits that I detest -- so because I cannot perceive any significant life-changing help coming my way from heaven, I simply have lost the ability to trust in God's love on an emotional level.  I am only capable of intellectually believing that God loves all people (including me), which is one reason why I focus so much energy on studying and arguing for Biblical universalism.  It enables me to retain a degree of hope and faith;  and I know there are many others like me out there who also have similar fears as I do, who need to hear the message of God's love for all souls.

Secondly, since many of the people here believe they are in touch with spiritual realities, I wonder if you could attempt to ask God or angels or someone in the heavenly realms about my situation and what the purpose and meaning is behind it.  I have been struggling constantly to figure out why I have been given these health issues to deal with in my life, and why it seems that my prayers for greater strength and/or improving health go unanswered, even though I yearn for a life of productive ministry.  Why am I being thwarted in my desire to do good in the world?  Either God or somebody else in the spirit world is thwarting me, or not helping me to achieve my goals.  I wish I could know why, and whether this is because there is a big picture or a higher goal that I do not understand in my limited earthly mind.  I feel somewhat abandoned by God.  Perhaps this is why I was allowed to hear the conversation about me by two spirit beings that I posted here.  My best theory for what is going on is that perhaps my life plan includes the bizarre health problems and feelings of despair and abandonment, as a way to force me to attempt to develop greater spiritual strength from within.  But I remain confused about whether this is true, or whether, on the other hand, I am simply being punished and God is choosing not to bless me because He considers me unworthy of blessings and only deserving of wrath at this time.  Another problem I have is that some Christians have told me they believe my problems are being caused by demons and that the spiritual experiences I have had were inspired by demons, not God -- even though I pray to God and Jesus Christ for their assistance.  I do not agree with the people who say this, but it just adds even more confusion and doubt to my mind, and detracts from my ability to feel trust and true love for God.  (I mean, who could trust and love God if despite praying regularly for divine assistance, all you get is demons?)

I cling to my belief in Jesus's teaching of universalism and that somehow, in some way, the events in my life are part of a greater plan that I do not understand, which is designed to work out for the benefit of myself and others in due time.  Nevertheless, if anybody can glean any insights from meditations or prayer or whatever, please do let me know what you come up with.

If anyone chooses to pray or meditate on my behalf, I can only say thank you and I hope it will be of benefit.   

Thanks again,
Freebird

Hi Freebird,

I'm sorry that you are suffering so. A few years ago, I underwent a spiritual crisis pertaining to grief over losing many loved ones and it pushed me to the brink of despair and suicide.

I found rational answers in the writings of Emanuel Swedenborg that explained so much of what I was experiencing (after death communication).

He explained that we are always have at least 2 angelic spirits and two demonic spirts around us at any given time.  Depending on what we do and our thoughts, we can attract more of one kind than the other. Swedenborg wrote that angels and demons are simply people who have lived in this physical world. The angels are simply people who have chosen to live for the good; demonic ones are simply people who have chosen to live in evil. The reason why we have at least 2 of both kinds is to keep us in spiritual freedom as to what we want to choose.

I think that, simply put, you heard a conversation between an angelic spirit and a lower level spirit. Angelic spirits always encourage us; lower level spirits are always negative.

You simply heard a conversation between spirits about yourself. In my case, I made it much harder on myself when I didn't know about these spiritual realities and thought that I was losing my mind.

There's a wonderful book entitled, "Window to Eternity" by Bruce Henderson outlining what Swedenborg saw and heard in his 27 years of experiencing the other side in a full, waking state. He wrote of wonderful, uplifting things... and it healed my 20+ plus-year battle with depression.

I would be glad to send you this book - and others, if you'd like. You ask so many of the questions that I also asked. "Divine Providence" by Swedenborg may help you to find the answers you seek. I too wanted to know why because I had suffered much loss in this life.

My email address is judyebbe@cox.net if you wish to write me. My prayers are with you Freebird. May God grant you peace and healing.

Sincerely,
Judy

PS - this article may be of some help:
http://www.leewoof.org/leewoof/2001/2-4-01.htm

Quote:


  My main reference source is a book called "Alkalize Or Die" by Dr. Theodore A. Baroody.  He is a practicing Chiropractor, Nutritionist, Herbalist, I believe he originally graduated in psychology or counseling,  and he knowledgable in acupuncture and many other eastern healing traditions having traveled around the world to study them.

   Other source:  The Cayce Readings go in-depth about food combinations to avoid and lists many common foods and their acid or alkaline reactions.

   I've seen references in other diet and nutrition books but seeing as i was just perusing them, i don't remember the titles or authors.  One book that talks about PH balance, which i've read a little of is called "The PH Miracle". 

   What do i suggest...AVOID certain combinations of food at the same meal.  Certain foods combos like citruses with milk or cereal grains should not be eaten, not only not at the same meal, but rather opposite ends of the days.

  Besides, it is just common sense.  Does it seem like a peach would digest the same way as a hunk of steak?   Some fruits digest very, very quickly--like 20 to 30 minutes, whereas meats, especially beef or pork can take many hours to digest fully.  Heavy proteins require a substantial amount of hydrochloric acid to be broken down properly.  Starches seem to neutralize HCL.   
  Or for another example.   When your body is eating starches, your mouth secretes an enzyme called pytalin but if there is a quanity of sugar being eaten at the same meal, your body "turns off" the secretion of the pytalin enzyme, so those starches are already going to be much, much harder to be digested in your stomach.

   Food combos that are good or relatively ok:  light proteins such as beans, nuts, yogurts etc can be eaten with grains without putreification, hence only somewhat acid producing.  Most Veggies and starches mix well.

  Some light proteins, especially yogurt can be mixed with some fruits, those of the semi-sweet and sweet variety.  Light proteins combine well with most veggies, especially those that aren't very starchy (like a potatoe).

   A large quantity of veggies can be eaten with a small amount of heavy proteins (meats), then it is only mildy acid producing.