Lately I’ve noticed myself spontaneously remembering the feeling of some little things about my mom, and it’s been making me think that maybe it’s because she’s finally done some healing.  This has only been in the last few weeks.  Up until now I didn’t want to think of her at all, talk about her, or even look at photos of her.  So the fact that these feelings/memories are popping up spontaneously makes me think I’m getting signs that she’s indeed healing and possibly communicating in some way, and that I’m receiving it because it’s positive in nature and doesn't feel painful.

She passed away in January 2018 and has visited me several times in different ways but I never enjoyed it because our relationship was so conflicting and difficult my entire life.  She had personality disorders so was extremely difficult to deal with, and she could be very mean and hateful.  I lived with her for her last three years before she died.  All her visits after her death were still very toxic to me, and though I displayed PUL to her I also didn’t want her visiting me and tried to tell her to please back off, give me more time to do my own healing!

I think the last time she visited, or one of the last times was when she was very upset with me and wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence, but my dad (who passed in 2010) was with her, listening, comforting, and kind of just counseling her, just being there for her.  He distinctly made me aware of his presence and he was kind of being a shield between us and just beaming PUL.  I interpret his actions as showing me he’s helping her through a lot of healing that she needs to do, and he wanted me to know that that’s taking place. 

So some of the things I’ve been thinking, feeling, and remember lately are spontaneous things, like the other day I was craving one of Mom’s favorite meals she liked to make.  It’s not something I especially like or crave, so remembering it as if craving it definitely seemed like a sign from her.  And I’ve just been spontaneously remembering nice moments between us we had, a kindness she extended here or there, certain memories, times we laughed, and positive attributes about her.  All positive things, as if she’s wanting me to remember her in a good way.  That’s literally never happened before in the three years she’s been dead.

I’ve always wondered why we both decided to have such a negative and difficult relationship in this life.  Must be some kind of karma we had to work out, and so I wonder if it’s been worked out??  I would love to have another experience with her visiting or some kind of experience that would be a confirmation of her healing and how far she’s come. 

Hey thanks Albert.  Yeah I definitely know there’s a time difference.  So I think the three years to me is a much shorter time to her. 

What I think/felt my dad was communicating to me was definitely PUL for both me and my mom.  And I think he was letting me know he’s there for her, helping her, and that I don’t need to wonder or worry about that.  Just knowing that made me know it’ll be taken care of. 

Everything you described of taking care of your mom with her dementia was exactly what I went through.  I hated it but I also appreciated it.  I agree it was a soul growth thing.  I know that Mom now knows and appreciates what I did for her. 

I think I’ve mentioned it in other posts, but I moved in with my mom when I was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer.  Then my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, and then she got dementia.  So it was very difficult to deal with all that, but I always did the best I could for mom and with love.  The last time she was consciously awake she told me to leave and that she never wanted to see me again and that she didn’t love me, but I still went to visit her (she was dying in a hospice center).  And within a couple days she was completely unconsciously aware and couldn’t eat, talk, or communicate in any way, and was agitated and couldn’t sleep.  So I did Reiki on her and she immediately settled down and went to sleep.  She then slept for two days and then died in her sleep.  I really appreciate that I got to do that for her. 

I do find it helpful what you share.  I love that you talk about your mom and what you did for her.  That’s great that you got to retire early.  I’m 50 and sure I’ll have to work as long as I can.  Unless we win the Lottery, which would be awesome. 

You know what I wanted to tell you?  Leading up to mom’s death, when she was still awake and aware, she also talked about going to be with my dad.  And I reminded her that dad died on the 10th of January and that that anniversary was coming up.  Mom died on January 10th. 

And then you know what?  Afterwards I realized I was wrong.  Dad actually died on the 18th.  I’m kind of laughing to myself about that now.  I didn’t mean to mislead Mom at all…I was just mistaken and didn’t realize it.  But it seems like I put that idea in her head and she chose to die on the 10th, like maybe that was a way for her to be with him??  I don’t know, I just thought it was quite a coincidence. 

All the times mom has come to visit me have been very vivid dreams where I become lucid and aware that I’m dreaming and she is visiting me.  Some visits were OBEs. 

I love that we can have these experiences.  It makes everything, all the hard stuff, tolerable, because we know we live on after this life. 

Recoverer 2 wrote on Apr 9^th, 2021 at 2:26pm:


Wow, weird.  I've heard of people knowing at what age they were going to die.  I am glad I don't know!!

I'd like to know but only a few days ahead. That way I could say my goodbyes, put my affairs in order, and most importantly teach my wife how to use all the remotes.

rondele wrote on Apr 10^th, 2021 at 10:34am:


Thoughtful man you are.  I still don't know how to use them all or which is which.  Why in the world we need four of them is beyond me, LOL.

Recoverer 2 wrote on Apr 11^th, 2021 at 12:26pm:


Literally tonight I had to call my 25-year-old son at work to ask him how to watch Hulu.  He recently bought something called a FireStick.  It’s a streaming device that has Alexa.  I’m still not even sure what streaming is compared to cable??  Anyway, so we have a remote for that.  We have the TV remote.  We have the cable remote.  And we have a remote for our soundbar. 

It’s kind of ridiculous because I can never remember what goes with what. 

Oh, and then there’s the PlayStation.  So if we have the Firestick streaming thing plugged in we can’t have the PlayStation plugged in at the same time.  The PlayStation uses a joystick controller.  So tonight he had the PlayStation plugged in, therefore I had to find Hulu using the joystick. 

My kids kind of make fun of me, but they don’t seem to realize that I didn’t grow up with all this kind of stuff.  We didn’t even have a remote for half my childhood.   

And what’s funny is, we don’t call them remotes, we call them boxes.  I had to think back why that was.  When I was a kid and we got our first TV remote my dad didn’t know what to call it.  He said, “Hand me that box,” and it just stuck. 

So we have four boxes and a joystick