Hi Kei. I don’t know if anyone has reached out to you or not, but I don’t think you should be discouraged from trying to reach your boyfriend yourself just because of becoming emotional.
I find that having very strong, loving emotions are a sure-fire way to make an instant connection, and being in an emotional state could further open your senses of awareness. At least, that’s what I find works for me. I happen to be an easily emotional person, especially when it comes to those I love and care about deeply.
Another great method in my opinion is setting intention in your mind before going to sleep at night that you will have a visit from your boyfriend in your dreams. Dream visits from loved ones are so much different from our normal, every-day dreams. I believe they are one of the most moving experiences a person who has lost a loved one can have because while sleeping/dreaming, you’re already in a very relaxed, open-to-receiving state of being.
I’m so sorry for your loss, especially due to a suicide