Hi Guys,

Black Panther-so glad to hear from you, hope all is going well with you and your fam.  I'm trying to ride through my most recent life changes to come out on the other side a bit wiser. I'm hoping that recording this process and relating it to the multiple crashes I've been experiencing this year will make my task easier.

Dilemma; Can I really trust in guidance and my inner wisdom to help me through in the midst of a BSC?  The crash appears to be about learning to mellow out and trust as opposed to pushing myself to premature action just to relieve the stress of not being back in a secure, predictable pattern.

So, I went to work Monday hoping that the three page form that the doctor filled out last week would be enough to get me back into the work routine. Welcomed back again by co-workers and had a conversation with the director of the agency.  Then my boss informs me that I need to still get a note from the doctor before I can start work.  Actually I was pretty happy about this because I was exhausted by the whole routine of getting to work on this first day and a break to go back to the clinic seemed good especially since it won’t be open till the afternoon. 

At 1pm I arrive at the clinic to request a work release and then I take it back to the program coordinator and he faxes it Human Resources. I putter around for the next few hours trying to get reactlamated to my job.  I also spoke with a co-worker who informed me of the many untapped resources and grants the government has to support a person in my situation.  He learned of all this while trying to get services for his mother.  Unbelievable amount resources! Then I was informed just before the day was over that I still could not come back to work because I had neglected to add a sentence regarding restrictions.  I contacted HR to clarify the request realizing that the clinic would be closed now and that the doctor was not on duty Tuesday.  What to do when there is no one at the clinic to talk to?  I’m learning that managed care is a do it yourself project.  It’s similar to being your own housing contractor but using the PCP to do hiring of the various companies that do the work, by providing the specialist referrals.   

Back in a quandary as to how to approach the restriction issue.  Do I request of the doctor to sign for no restrictions or do I reinforce the possibility of a three day work week till I see the doctor again during the first week in August?  I have a smart doctor who realizes that in working with me, she has to listen to what I think I can handle, support my efforts in what I want to accomplish, and to respect my values.  But she’s as overwhelmed as any of us care providers and is limited in her ability to have quality time with her patients so it’s not like I can have discussion about implications of what I decide to do. 

Meanwhile, I’m continuing to go with the flow and trying not to think about no money coming in or the possibility of insurance being cancelled in case I can’t return to work soon.  So I approach my boss with the three-day restriction, he considers it, and states that he will support even though we both realize that this agency demands full time energetic young people to follow through with the requirements.  But I still have the problem of trying to get a revised letter, signed by the absent doctor and faxed to HR hopefully this week.  I felt little hope in being able to have my request done in a timely manner and remember in Mondays meeting with the doctor, she stated that she was going on vacation next week.

Meanwhile, the Universe/guides say, “No problem!  For me spirit didn’t speak in words but more in incidents or through other individuals on C1.  As I was calling the clinic to request a revision in the work release letter, I felt my abdomen. Holy beejesees! There was a hard protrusion about the size of a small orange.  As I hung up to reflect on this new turn of events I then decided to call the clinic back to report this newest symptom.  They requested that I come to the clinic by 12 pm to have it checked because it sounded serious.  While there I was able to reinforce the request for the revised letter, get a hernia doctor referral, and to get my records forwarded to the stomach specialist in time for my appointment.  As a side bonus I was given an entire copy of my chart in error. Interesting reading.  I then went back to work to give my boss, good heart, a copy of the revised back to work request and was informed that I cannot return until I get a call from him giving me an all clear.  I also found out the copy of my chart was valuable because the records would be destroyed after 7 years. 

Today I’m waiting for the clinic to open so I can follow up with the letter or waiting for my boss to call with the ok to return to work.  And even though I’m still not at a comfortable place regarding what action I’m to take about my career and many other things, I’m “forced” to slow down. I guess the difficulty stems from the fact that we are not machines that can be fit into the culture’s to do list.  We have physical and emotional limitations plus a huge variation of possibilities which have greater influence than these limitations to help us with change, crisis, and BSC if we can just recognize when we are in the midst and not get too wrapped up in taking desperate action to change it back to the “old days”. I questioned Human Resources regarding why they had to have this letter just so and were pushing it.  They reported that it was because the doctor had, in error, filled one of the questions in the wrong category and since I don’t believe in accidents I’m tending to interpret this holdup as an indication that I have support in not just jumping back into business as usual before the coma.

I just got off the phone with the clinic reminding them of my need for the letter and with my boss telling him that I was doing my very best to keep things moving.  I gave them both my cell phone number to insure that they can call if I’m on the web with you all. So in working with guidance during a crash, I still have to continue to do my part but I’m noticing that I’m more able to go with the flow and be open to the next clue.  It’s sort of like a treasure hunt. BSC symptoms seem to be reducing a bit and I’m sure enjoying putting my observations of the process in writing.  My next dilemma is whether or not to go to Curves and do the workout with the hernia or not.  Decisions, decisions,
decisions !!!

Love, Jean 

p.s. I hope in sharing my view of the BSC process, it will help someone else but either way thanks for listening. J

Alysia, I really do hope we are meeting out there because I relate to your posts in so many ways and to me it appears that you are mentioning things at the same time that I’m thinking about them more and more. 

                 

Jean, remember that we're never given more than we can handle.

I loved reading your last two posts. I see spirit at work in so many ways. And getting the 3 day work week is just great. You will come through all this a stronger person.

I'm sending you prayers and Love for complete healing. I see the bacterial infection and hernia gone.

Much Love,
Mairlyn

Mairlyn and Alysia,

Many thanks to both of you for your continued support. I'm really trying to see this entire movie from a larger perspective.  I tended to do this in the places I've worked-like I had to know about the different departments before I could effectively do my job.  I had to know the complete list of my responsibilities before I could complete a particular task. My former boss used to tell me that he would give me my next chore after I completed this one.  I had to make it clear to him that that was not the way I did things as a general merchadiser, so micro managing soon stopped. Now, in my current job, I have to struggle to complete one job.  It's like being back on the register at Eckerds but with a lot more interesting action.

Love, hugs, and kisses, Jean