please dont lose faith. 

Actually, it may be harder for her to contact you than for you to actively seek out and contact her.

you sound like you need to be easier on yourself and give your mind a rest.   perhaps try reading a few books in this area without too much expectation. eg bruce's books and gordon phinn's book "the eternal life and how to enjoy it".   

also some other general spiritual books like the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.  or the way of the peaceful warrior by dan millman.

don't worry about time running out or anything like that in trying to contact your mother.

your mum may well be trying to contact you but as we live in such a dense plane its not easy at all to pick up the signs.

you might even want to try a really good medium.  Linn Conyers who regularly posts on this board is great and could probably assist you.  splinnusa@aol.com

If you are going crazy then it might be quite hard for you to detach and clear your mind enough to contact your mother so getting someone like Linn to help would be good.

good luck
Scott

Hi, Polly.

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. My mother died September 14, 1997. I've never been able to recover *despite* having possible contact with her on three occasions during dreams. It's not enough for me I guess. And like you, I have a terrible time believing no matter how much I might want to.

To further compound matters, I seem to have this morbid obsession with the physical body after death. I'm horrified by the thought of being cremated or buried and rotting. It's *horrible*! I was never afraid of death before. But in the last months I have become so. I'm terrified of being trapped in my decomposing body after death more than there being non-exsistance. And I have those same fears for my loved ones (few though they are now) for when they die. The thought of my beautiful mother being burned up...I can't get passed it. I'm too connected to the flesh or something. I don't know.

I often wish I had a guide (a physical one) who has already made journeys to council me and be a bridge for me between the realms and be sort of a mentor/teacher I guess. You just can't get from books/tapes/videos what you can get from a "sage". But unfortunately, all the people who are aware of these talents and can use them to help others charge money (usually outrageous amounts of it too) and I really don't think my medicaid would pick up the tab for that kind of therapy.

     One would think for such a spiritual quest money should not come into it at all. And the fact that money does come into it makes me further disbelieve. If I had such a talent I would use it to do good, not to line my pockets. But I won't take money for doing anything, I don't believe in it.  I'm just a nut.

     But you're not alone in being scared. I have panic attacks because of it sometimes.

Blessings to you,
~Tru~

I don't know what to think anymore.  I'm so confused about all of this.  I want so badly to believe in all of this, but I can't seem to no matter how hard I try.  I just feel like I need proof that there's something after this life.  It's really driving me crazy.  My Mom died last year and I've really had no signs from her and I know if she was able to contact me she would have by now.  I'm losing my faith.  Please help.

Polly,

Fortunately, this is not something that you have to have faith in or even decide before you leave here.  All you need do is to continue to maintain the attitude you have when coming to this board, a receptive-inquiring mind.  If you do, as you most likely will, odds are that you will be met rather quickly, as you have been many times before by possibly your mom or someone even closer to you.  If not, because you have a temporarly closed mind at that future time of transition, then it might happen a little later.  Though this is unsual. Ultimaterly, you've got nothing to loose because, you like the rest of us, are all going in the same general direction and one of us just might catch your eye and shout, "Hey Polly!" "Is that you?" "I remember you from that crazy board we used to talk on" "Here, take my hand and I'll take you to a lovely park" (or something like this) and you'll trust them because you feel the love. 

But what I really suspect is that you will be offering your hand for many of us who got alittle confussed as we changed over.

Much Love, hope this helps-Jean