Hi Jean, I thought of you, where you were, and if you would post again here, so now I know you're back!

All the best to you!
Spooky

These sharings are very inspiring!
Jean, prayers and good wishes are being sent to and for you!

The parts of Bruce's writings that at present I see as the most influential in getting me to pull out of my crash was his easy (usually1 ) relationship with his guides and the necessity of clearly setting intent with them and myself.
While I was crashed I worked very hard in the workaday world and it made me sicker, and I thought
'Can't they see I work so hard for them because I love them? I must love them very much to work so hard that it makes me sick. When will I have proven my worth enough to be relieved of this pain and sickness?' Never, apparently because that never worked.  When I heard guidance I thought it was annoying; it wasn't dealing with what I thought I needed to know.

Medication helped with the physical parts  ,  but Bruce's writing was the key. When medication didn't restore my soul, I thought
'I'll go on strike. I won't do anything about this numb dumb soul in me since no other power is interested in it either.They'll have to call me back.'   I quit all spiritual practices, prayer, arts, study, dropped friends, any way I could show that my soul wasn't going to grow in those conditions. That never worked either. Suicide was growing as an option.

But fortunately that doing nothing period cleared my schedule and has given me alot of time to read Bruce's books.---Altho I devoured them first time around and am trying to retain more this time.

Beyond words, Bruce, Thank You!

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Hey everyone and Marilyn,

I'm really glad you posted this Marilyn, it has helped me a lot. So far I'm learning and have been OBE, got PE proof so I know its connected, and pretty sure on life after death and have had many amazing thoughtful experiences but I haven't experienced a belief crash yet i don't think... I was beginning to think why aren't I? when I've started to go furthur down this road and whats wrong kind of thing. But its good to read you don't have too have a crash to validate, accept, believe? all this and that in time it will happen.

Thankyou,

Ryan

Hi Guys,

Well my worst scenario appears to be in the process of happening. Due back at work Monday with relapse of bacterial infection and too tired to think of creative alternatives. The astrologist was right; my guides don’t make their appearance till I’m hanging off the cliff by my fingernails. I find that trying to keep a positive perspective in the midst of a crash is very difficult.  I keep looking for indications on what action to take that would bring me health, joy, and peace.

Seeking something to hold on to but the feelings are so transitory and the ideas so fleeting.  I knew that I wanted a degree but did not especially desire to be a social worker, met them as a kid and did not like them, but that’s where my experience lay.  Then when I got involved in this line of work I thought/hoped it would be about helping people but I discovered it was more about billable hours (BSC # 1-I still don’t know how this dilemma is going to be solved because in Capitalism it appears that the only two options are being a bookkeeper in one form or another or being an unpaid volunteer). Then being coheresed early this year into signing an “agreement” regarding these billable hours while simultaneously being required to be on call for service and all compacted into 6 hours real time-well jeese! (BSC #2-I believed that when push came to shove the company would understand how much us case managers are already doing and not harass us-this really hit me in the gut as I signed this “agreement”) I knew at this point that I needed a break for real and up pops Valley Fever (BSC #3, I did not think my manifested break would be so dramatic but I do believe that I created it with the help of my friendly guides), which provided me with a 3 months off.  But now it’s time to go back to my job with the added burden of a bacterial infection, which doesn’t want to leave (there’s a message here but I’m still not coming up with anything that gives me that spark of joy). I used to at least enjoy a cup of coffee and a few cigarettes before work and a glass of cold crisp Chardonnay and a few more cigarettes after a stressful day at work.  But now all that’s in the past (BSC #4, I can treat/relax and not have to learn to be at peace just by taking chemical mood adjusters). Which also means no more sitting at my desk to reflect on you guys wise words because this area is a trigger for my past vices.  What does one do around here to get a break here without using drugs???  A warm bath and cup of herb tea just doesn’t hack it.



So Saturday I started feeling desperate again and asked my husband to pick a card (eyes closed and cards with the message to the back) from the ACIM 350 card pack just to hopefully get me a little further along in my belief system crash.  As he read it, I realized that it was the same card I had chosen March 26th to comfort me before I went to the clinic to have the coughing up blood situation assessed.  Both picks, his and mine were random, if there really is such a thing, and done without seeing the message before hand out of a box of 350 cards approximately 3 months apart.  I’ll repeat the message; “When I said, “I am with you always,” I meant it literally, I as not absent to anyone in any situation. Because I am always with you, you are the way, the truth and the life. (T,107).  This message reminds me that my guides etc. are hovering about me and that the synchronicity of Mac and I picking the same card, that I am more than this little body inhabiting this little physical world.  After all it’s this weeyou/magic stuff that keeps me cheered.

Now tomorrow is the big day and hopefully as Mac suggests my getting back with people may be part of my recovery or then again it could be a situation closer to Alysia’s when she worked for the striking company.  Either way on the subconscious level I’m creating a situation that is not going to go as smoothly as I had hoped.  I funny when I think about the whole sickness thing and what a beautiful job, with minimal intrusion and very little recovery time, the Doctors did my lung and esophagus.  But by being in the hospital and nursing facility and/or taking antibiotics, I now have a life draining bacterial infection.  Fortunately I’ve progressed past the point where I blame my body or the establishment for betrayal and realize that it is some sort of message that will be revealed, at least in hindsight.  Meanwhile, I’m in the midst of crash (# 5-The way will be clear and easy-actually during the coma in May, I seem to remember/or inferred being promised by someone out there that if I did a certain task and succeeded, I would have an easier time upon re-entry. I successfully completed the task but no kudos).

Love to All, Jean 

Lucy, It’s funny that a lot of our best technology was originally developed for military purposes as AIDS has prompted us to do more in the field of the immune system.

betson, Thanks for your well wishes, it helped to motivate me to make sure I shared my current dilemma when it could have been so much easier just to watch a DVD.

Alysia, glad you’re getting along with your book and looking forward to having it in my hot little hands. So many things you mention are echo’s of what I’ve experienced and the ways that I’ve interpreted them. Plus, I can’t imagine editing a whole book when I have so much trouble even catching my “leave out’s” in a short post. J   

   

Marilyn,

Funny you should say that shortly after I read your post regarding the healer/doctor who was able to effect the suffering individuals in the mental institution where he worked by sending empathy and love from his heart.  It is hard to belive that a change in my mind could result in anothers being calmed.  So in some ways, like the psychologist you mentioned, I do take on their problems but I also realize that there on their own personal journey but if I'm to help a bit, I do my part. It's important to keep balance between helping/empathizingt and not assuming the others problems or burdening them with my expectations.  It's hard to do this in a field/culture where we are expected to be responsible for others beyond what we actually have power over or is appropriate.

But I do want to mention that with this current illness experience, I have placed myself in and recognize that I have covered most of the areas that my clients and husband live with on a daily basis.  From delusions to hallucinations, powerless to immobility, from not being able to concentrate to not have former use of my limbs, etc. I hope to not forget these teachings. I hope to be able to respond to others with more tolerance who don't have the health which I remember having. 

I just hope that I can remember some of what I'm reading from you guys so that I can keep my perspective when I return to work tomorrow.

Thanks Marilyn for getting me thinking. Love, Jean

Dear Marilyn,

I don't really see any external negative energy coming from others in this situation.  Any negative energy would be coming from me ie. my fear of not being able to complete my day with enough energy while keeping my wits about me.  That's why remembering that I'm not alone and to take one step at a time are so important for me now and your sharing of the story about the patients in the mental ward. 

If I had to pick negative energy out side myself, I would wonder about how all that TV watching for the past two months affected my attitude.  But even that seems to be more about connecting with others on a national and global scale.  Those individuals in the war zone are my sisters and brothers and I see it as their faces flash by.  Even GB is starting to look more human and vunerable to me.  I didn't realize that now there are no secrets and if anyone thinks there is, just watch TV on a discustingly regular basis.  Fortunatly the use of hidden cameras has come at the same time as wider acceptance of things beyond the physical world-What the Bleep Do We Know being as popular as it is.

Still, it never hurts to do rituals which calm and create more positives. I suspect that I'm still missing some of Monroe's basics and could use some help in figuring out which ones. The brain just isn't working in this area but hopefully by tomorrow I'll have more info on my next steps. It sure helps to kick this stuff around with another. 

Thanks for your suggestion.  Much Love, Jean

Hi Spooky,

I can't tell you how much your feedback is helping me as countdown hour draws near.  The idea of viewing my future self sounds good, I just need to calm down enough to meditate.  I get glimpses of things I'd rather be doing but nothing firm enough to hold on to and apply as a money maker.  I realize that I need a plan or at least a stronger indication of where I'm to go with my skills. The experience during the coma did indicate to me that I enjoy working on group projects with like minded individuals and the illness so far has allowed me to drop habits which could inhibit this working with others. You see, I want to be able to sit in both the smoking and non-smoking areas of the restaurant.  Of course in France that would not be a problem but here in the U.S. and so close to California-Weeelll! See I'm shooting to become more flexable than I am. 

I'm afraid that the morphin may have caused the details of my stay with my soul group to be lost due to state specific memory but so far I get nothing except the last impression and the message that focus creates our reality.  I sit here with paper work that gives me options but they either don't pay anything or a quarter of what I'm earning now.  There are certain perks to this job in the people connecting area and proving that I can do it-of course now this may no longer be true. 

I've asked myself if I would quit if I had enough money coming in but then I have no focus to keep me stimulated at this time so the staying there seems better. It's difficult when your in the middle of a transition and haven't quite spotted the shore on the other side. It's also difficult to be the person standing by who truly wants to help but for some reason I sense that I'm in a holding pattern and waiting for something to break. Time will tell on this BSC one but meanwhile keeping fear at bay seems to be my greatest challange.

Looking forward to reading anything you post.

Love, Jean

Dear Alysia,

Your responces are super as usual and yes you can drop in anytime.  It was a miracle that I slept as well as I did last night and have been able to respond this morning because of no longer smoking so inturn having more time to write.  I printed out your observation regarding spousal abuse on another thread, it sure makes sense.  But back to the crash, today should reveal wheather or not I have the stamina to go back to work full time in this particular position.  Either way it's a waiting game right now. 

It was always in my belief system to treat those in occupations of service as real human being's like myself but so far I've never hired a housekeeper though I've considered being one.  It's like nails on a blackboard when service workers are not treated with courtesy and respect.  My mother had a lot of influence in the area of housekeeping as an occupation because when she went to her minister for assistance and finiancal guidence, he demanded she clean houses to support her children.  Since then I figured I'd rather have a dirty house or live cooperativly in simplicity than hire someone for the job.

I too have to continue to work on the focus message and it's hard with so many distractions and yes I do try to remember ACIM's tips for getting through a period like this and creating something better. But it helps to be reminded.

Gotta go. Keep the faith! Love, Jean