It as been a long time since I have visited this site (2005??). I am glad that I decided to come back on here to gather my thoughts on LIFE and the meaning of life. I admit, I have diverted from the spiritual journey and have been living a hedonistic lifestyle, a lifestyle that has made me feel empty inside and has cause a few break ups.

I think I am ready to get back on the spiritual journey to grow as a human being. I am not interested in retreivals at the moment. I am more interested in becoming a better person to be a better partner to my mate.

As of late, I have been struggling with PUL for my boyfriend. I think it is so weird that in soul retreival, I can elicite PUL to help a Soul be unstuck. But, I am unable to be happy and love my boyfriend unconditionally, until now... I want to change and be able to have PUL while being conscious and engaging with people in my life, especially my boyfriend. I feel like a hypocrite when I can generate PUL in the spiritual realm, but not on the physical realm of every day living.

How do you guys live with a congruent lifestyle between the two realms? I feel in my heart, my boyfriend is my Soulmate that I have been looking for all my life. But, the hang ups and the baggage that I have is destroying our beautiful relationship. I truly think the answer is PUL and I need to exercise it to make this LIFE a worthwhile life for me. I am now ready for the lesson...

any suggestions?

  I should also add sometimes it helps to become conscious of other lives together...  Sometimes a difficult situation in another life, carries over and very much unconsciously affects the relationship this time around.  And when you're not conscious to something, it's much harder to transform it and tends to crop up cyclically.  And if you find out that he or you did something really hurtful to the other, then the focus should be forgiveness.

Linh wrote on Aug 23^rd, 2013 at 3:58pm:


  Sounds like a very good experiment! 
Quote:


   Again, i can very much relate.  A recent experience.  My wife and i for awhile experimented with an open relationship (wheew, talk about ego work!) and she met and became close to another man.  She doesn't see him that often, and for the most part the relationship is platonic. 

   She is a teacher and so up until very recently she had her summers off, but i had to work.  I've told her, please socialize with others when i'm working but try to keep my non work time reserved for me.  The other day she was hanging out with her ex boyfriend/other man she still very much loves, and i came home from a long day at work tired and they were on the couch cuddling.  I didn't really get upset at this point, though a little irked he was still here at our house, despite that i even came home later than i was suppose to (had to work overtime).  I said, i'm really tired and so i'm going to take a nap. 

  After the nap, he's still here and their still cuddling.  Well, i went to go make homemade icecream for us all, and was looking for the ingredients i usually use. I knew there were two can's of coconut cream in the cabinet and i couldn't find them.  I ask and "oh, i used both for the dinner i made for Mike and i".  Some of that sort of suppressed irkness started rising into some anger and i express my unhappiness and lack of comprehension of why she would use two whole cans of coconut cream for a dish for only two people (really that didn't make sense to me).  My ego wanted her to explain her reasoning, but of course she got defensive (during her lady time too) and part of me was really more expressing intolerance, criticism and anger because i was irked he was still here. 

   So i said a few more critical questions about it and tried to drop it and either way, she left with him to go somewhere else in the house.  I decided, i should let go of this anger, but i'm still feeling it.  She comes back in, with an empty wine bottle in my hand.  Mind you, i don't drink much at all, but i bought and like this particular wine. I'm very sensitive to the sulfates and tannins in wine, can't drink most, and this one doesnt bother me and tastes really good.  My wife is much more the wine drinker (and doesn't have the sensitivity that i have) than i am, and she had her own stash of like 6 bottles and instead she decided to drink all of my last bottle of wine with her sort of boyfriend.   

  Again, i'm irked and express my displeasure and incomprehension.   Mainly, i said, "you're inconsiderate, you know that's my specific wine and my last bottle, you had 6 other one to choose from."  She doesn't want to hear any of it, is immediately defensive and tries to turn the tables on me and how i'm so inconsiderate for getting critical about with her. 

   She and he again leave and i try to cool off.  As i sat there, sort of stewing a bit and my higher self wrestling with my lower, i realize none of it's that important and that i just need to be accepting of her and can't worry so much how she treats me and that she did have some of a point, these things weren't all that important.  So i'm cool and calmer later, and she asks me to get some mosquito netting for her boyfriend as he will be living partially outside for awhile.  I said ok, and i ended up giving most of it to him for free.  Part of that is because i felt bad for making him feel uncomfortable between us and because he has so little money and he needed it.  Maybe more later.. got to go right now.

In your first post here you said that you wanted to have a better life and that you felt that if you could grow your unconditional love for your partner you think that would help you to have a better life. So, you have a goal of being more loving, more accepting, enjoying your partner more.

For me, loving and accepting myself is the key to having more appreciation for others. Acceptance for myself includes knowing what my boundaries are, as a person, knowing how to nurture myself so that I am less resentful of others in general. Sometimes this means lowering my expectations and sometimes it means challenging myself more.

It is not so much that loving other people makes you happier, but that being a happier person can help you to be more loving. This means to let go of each other a little more, and to realize that you are responsible for your own happiness.

You have done this. You have recognized that you want more out of life, and that you can take action to do it. Everything you do affects your relationships in that they are a mirror for your own life condition. If you become happier, if you develop a fuller, happier life, you may still feel dissatisfied with your primary relationship partner. So, then you can focus your prayers and intentions toward the happiness of your partner. This is the fastest way to grow, I think. To recognize that you are a powerful person, that you can change your life, that you have the right to be happy and successful, and that you have infinite love and good wishes inside of you, not only for yourself, but for your partner, and for all of humanity.

So, we focus on happiness for ourselves, and we also focus on happiness for others. Whatever that might be. Life is so short and sweet on this earth. No matter what happens, you can count on some things changing and some things remaining the same. It is not always about having a smooth path, but finding your own way.

And, whatever happens, it will be okay. To be a human being means that you are living in a world which will be frustrating for you sometimes. That's really okay. It's okay to be human, because you are.