Jdee, you're a beautiful person and as what recoverer says, look into your heart and don't be afraid to do so and you'll find only love.
Love is what powers life, the universe, the afterlife ..... it's the baseline, it's everything... god is love.
Man created religions to instill fear so they could control other people because they couldn't feel the love, they felt separate.
However every account of people who's OBE'd, astral travelled, NDE's who didn't have a religious background say there is only love and if there is a hell... it's a only suffering that's created by your own way of thinking and once you change your thoughts you'll be able to recieve the love and move on.
This forum is on Bruce Moen's website and he mentions nothing of a religious style of hell as being as absolute and he's widely 'travelled'!
Let go of the fear, only follow jesus's teachings of love and put down the other bits of the bible if it's causing you so much anxiety.
No-one will judge you, except yourself.
You are love and that's all there is.