ZenithAnwynKapphaFell
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I took a theatre class last year in my third semester of university, just for fun and i unknowingly became awakened. my group leader and i had a deep connection, almost like indigo children to one another.
essentially, one day we did this voice exercise where I was told to 'play dead' so that the rest of my small class could practice using their voices. They chanted non-stop, ancient, native-sounding words that have no meaning and their instruction was, 'she is dead, it is her funeral, and it is your job to wake her up using your voice to chant this phrase.' my instruction was, 'be dead'. at one point my trance was so deep that i couldnt hear my group leader actually tell me to start to wake up. i didnt hear it at all; he told me later he was going to leave me dead but decided he couldnt do that to me, so to end the exercise he spoke to the chanters saying, three more times we will say the verse, you have three chances to wake her from the dead., so hearing him i knew i had to come back. and the other actors were taking it very very seriously.
little did i know that we were performing a soul retrieval. it wasn't until later, when i was emotionally describing the experience to a friend, that i linked it as a retrieval. it was after this experience i began to study 'shamanism', after my friend studying anthropology explained the way in which healers performed this exact ceremony to heal the sick.
this is the account in my journal:
PART ONE
trance
i feel like everyone was lifting me up. not pulling me back or in, but out, up; pulling me in and out of them. i was drifting back and forth, in and out of all. like their voices called me.
sometimes they called me here, and sometimes they called me there. they called me everywhere. but they called me
they called me out of my body
and when i was no longer there they were no longer there
i wasn't here or there, in fact i just was and all was
i feel like every single voice and soul became this one unifying sound, a chorus of one. As though the gods and souls and spirits were speaking to me. calling me. but we are the gods. when we are one.
It was like learning to fly and not knowing which way is up.
are they calling you to wake up, and be alive, or are they calling you into the heavens into nothingness? deeper into the sleep-awake state? if i had any thought at all, it was this. and as such, i oscillated back and forth back and forth, like waves. gently coming in and out the voices kept me present
not knowing which way to drift. but not needing to know, nay, you simply drift as you feel the voices, the energy, the presence of a spirit greater than any can describe, that was feeding on me, and feeding me and healing me, souls together as one spirit, so that we are everything. To have so many souls directing their energy into me, giving me energy, but letting it pass through me into the nothingness, to the stars, to a state outside of time that is eternal, the greatest essence... I feel like a vessel through which people can project into the universe. the eye that can see further, but the eyes of a greater collective each voice is different, but became a tone in a great pattern of voices they lifted me up and down and here and there
and the voices loved me and i loved the voices
((this however, is not the awakening. the awaknening happened when i opened my eyes. and that is the only reason i know i awakened then, and not before, when i was floating. simply, opening your eyes. to see.))
PART TWO
release
like a newborn i blinked into the world, unsure and lost
realizing that i was in my body again, and realizing that these were real people, with real spirit and love and bodies made me begin to release
to take me out of my body and then put me back in it..
its scary because now i feel as though i feel like i've been cut open and i'm spilling out everything i've held in and its hitting me all at once like i knew it would
i was already out of my body. i do this very easily, which is why i was able to reach that state of consciousness where there is no body. the eye.
i was already dead when i lay down on the floor. it takes consciousness and focus of the mind, to be here and there all at once and present yet distant but i was dead when i walked in the room at the beginning of class. that's why when given the ability to truly disappear, through the oneness of all i floated so easily everywhere free to actually become the spirit i speak so passionately of; i transcended fully extended beyond measure
i extended towards you. towards the All. the love that called me. the voices. the souls. the One. we extended outwards, everywhere
because i felt this oneness, it was hard to separate myself, that is to say, i didn't think of myself or of the people, not for long. (i tried to dispel my thoughts and let them disintegrate and dissolve, as i thought them. stream them through me, rather than hold them.) it was hard to separate myself from everything, that is to say, gently, slowly, begin to sink back into my body again. i'm not sure why i describe coming into my body as separating myself. i think its more a case of manifestation. its separation because i was one with All and now All is manifested in different forms. Reaffirming your body, waking up in your body is an extremely powerful experience, after being free to disappear and disconnect from it completely.
the voices remove me just as they open me to being in my body again.
it didn't happen until someone touched me. thats why i didn't even move when instructed. i was gone my body began to awaken. it was as though my body was asleep while my essence had floated away consciously dreaming and the touch was real. my body is real. remembering that this is real that this sound is real. this love is real. this spirit is real. i am real.
This is what it truly means to let go. its not when you close your eyes its when you open them. you let go when you wake up. because when you are trying to float away, when you float, you are asleep. this is not the release, this is not letting go. its holding on. opening your eyes, being truly awake, is the essence of real. of truth. of life. of nirvana. this.
it took an out of body experience to fully ground me. to fully come into my body, which as i write, begins to hyperventilate. thinking about waking up in my body makes my body wake up even more. thinking about coming into my body, i know what the feeling is. of manifesting. of birth.
i woke up in my body for the first time since i died
as i slowly came out of this trance, i was still not very aware of myself, it was like i was massively high or experiencing some kind of psychosis, for at least the first few seconds after i sat up. (head rush) like i still wasn't all there. and i wasn't.
the only way to describe the feeling of inhabiting your body after such a state is heavy; my body felt so heavy. Bodies are heavy with the weight of all your experiences, your thoughts, your desires, your fears, the heavy container, for all of that. and i was still reconnecting. i couldn't get up. as though i had never experienced the earth's gravity pulling on me before i wasn't completely awake yet, not until i began to cry, maybe not even until just a few moments ago. thats another thing. it is all waves and we are constantly waking up
and i was reborn, basically, if i had to describe in words, the way the transcendence was in the body. because only the body can be born or die away. (-life-death-resurrection-birth-) it was as though everyone was feeding the energy into my body which was lifeless, devoid of that connection to reality, to the solidity of another's hands. i shut it away when reality became too painful. and everyone was giving me breath, wakening my body to feeling. to connection. no more hiding in illusion. be real now. be with us.
the most powerful part of that experience which i cannot emphasize enough, is coming into my body and feeling HEAVY. i literally, could not move at first, when i opened my eyes. it took time for me to finally sit up, because gravity had returned.
so there you go. A true retrieval. an amazing experience, and i encourage you to experience this with other people if you can. with their help, you can extend beyond what you ever believed was real.
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