Vee
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Port Alberni, B.C.
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This topic has confounded me ever since my daughter and son-in-law first appeared to me for a surprise (!!) "visit" on the first anniversary of their death. At first I thought I had developed schizophrenia as a result of the terrible distress of the tragedy. I talked to my hospice counselor who assured me that 85% of bereaved people have such visits but most do not discuss them for fear of being thought crazy. Then I had this impossible task thrust upon me of trying to find out where they were! They were somewhere out there...but how could I find anything out? I had never heard of such things and didn't know where to begin. It was a couple years maybe before I went to the library one day and asked a power I did not believe in, to show me a book that might help.
The book that fell off the shelf into my arms was Ultimate Journey by you-know-who. And not the easiest book in the world to comprehend!! But from it I understood that there was a world of knowledge out there I had never guessed at and I started by contacting TMI on the web. It has been amazingly slow progress, really.
On the one hand, you need money to attend seminars and workshops to learn. On the other hand, each little step you take needs months, perhaps, to develop connections in the brain to build a slow, slow foundation of awareness into which other info can plug in, making a stronger base to build on gradually.
So slow, and life is being lived all the time this is going on, with all its stresses and changes and demands. Why does it have to be so difficult?? Anyway, each step of the way, I have puzzled over, what difference does it make, knowing the little suckers are out there alive somewhere, having exploded their lives and departed for parts unknown. I still don't have any kids. It doesn't change anything for me. Or does it?
What it did was to create for me a huge task...learning about the Afterlife, trying to find a map, build a map, and so on, and then to try to integrate the discoveries I make into life right here in the physical. Because they are definitely connected, totally and completely. Somehow.
Now, I raised the topic because I have read in some books somewhere about people who went "home" and became excellent painters and sculptors, poets, etc, etc. Some have attended "universities" there and gotten their PhD's!!! (I wonder if more than 1% of the profs over "there" are women yet?...Just an aside, a shooting thought...) My daughter has become a nurse and some kind of teacher and my mom, so beaten down and destroyed by life here, has gotten terrific riding skills and has a horse that looks like Trigger, and she calls him Pegasus and rides him frequently. It seems we positively ZOOM into development when we land "home".
I spend a lot of time grieving that I did not realize how hard it was for my mom in her old age, that I did not spend more time with her and deal with abusive situations on her behalf. I should have realized the things that were going on. I should have, should have, and so on....and yet, here she is, having a wonderful life over there, galloping all over the place, running a ranch of some kind with my daughter, it seems, and all kinds of stuff...what on earth am I grieving about???
If I needed to learn to be more aware of the elderly and their needs, well, I have done so. Should that be the end of it? Forget about the grieving and apologizing??? Can I do that, and let go of the guilt? I'd love to, but how do I know if I have beaten myself up enough yet? When is the account paid? There seems to be not the slightest trace of resentment or ill will or anger in her toward me when I visit in the Park, so I need to resolve this self-flagellation. It seems to be remarkably meaningless and pointless. If I had known then what I know now, I would have acted. But we don't and it takes years after the fact for us to understand things that went on.
I guess that likely, one of the differences my Afterlife knowledge should make for me, is that I should be joyful and happy every morning in life for my happy, energetic, joyful mom who is having a wonderful time. I remember when I was small how she warned me that horses are dangerous and they bite people. Well, that belief of hers has certainly bitten the dust!
So maybe one of the most important things Afterlife knowledge can do for us, is to give us freedom to feel joy in every new morning, putting our demons to rest once and for all. Yes, now that I have put it into words, I think maybe I can. Vee
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