Petrus
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I'd been going to the local Theosophical Society Bookshop here in Melbourne over the past couple of days. There was something I'd been looking for, in order to figure out essentially what to do next with my life.
Eventually, looking through some other books, I came to Bruce's third book, Voyage to Curiosity's Father. I then read probably about a third of that, maybe a bit more, and found it extremely relevant.
I read about the Hell and Hollow Heaven scenarios. I had the impression of a number of presences around me as I was reading the book, and was also given a very rapid glimpse of a construct I'd apparently been working on, presumably while asleep, when the practice of making those came up as a topic.
It was apparently a recreation of an aunt of mine's house, from when I was probably only four or five years old. There were some changes though, I think. The place was beautiful, and I had the sense of a lot of sunlight; a sunrise, it seemed like.
The other relevant point that came up though, and this was the most relevant thing for me, was where it talks about a person losing the ability to give or receive PUL; and how that can happen due to a lack of self-acceptance. This also made me remember that the period when I was originally
I came to realise that over the last 6-8 months or so, that had become a major issue for me. As I continued reading about that, the book mentioned that if a person is able to find even some aspects of themselves which they can accept, then that is one way through which they can start feeling good about themselves, again.
I realised that the one aspect of myself, in that sense, that I've always really felt positive about (and which, as scary as this might sound, has actually ended up being the primary source of any self-esteem that I've had) is that aspect which I associated with a World of Warcraft character.
WoW is an environment which, for the purposes of this site, can essentially be thought of as a synthetic Belief System Territory. My character in it was a ranger and Hunter, and was also analogous to Russell Crowe's character from the film Gladiator in some respects. As well as teaching some people how to hunt, I also at times led groups of people in a couple of different forms of combat, as well.
I'd been thinking only a few days prior to this, that I needed to give WoW up, because I haven't really played the game regularly since January, and I had become bored doing so. I felt a lot of emotional resistance to this idea, though; and then the heart trouble began. I started having palpitations, and chest and arm pain for a number of days, and for a while I couldn't figure out what was causing it.
After reading the parts of Voyage to Curiousity's Father though, and attempting to re-integrate that aspect of myself, the heart issues went almost immediately, and for the most part have not been back since. It was, in a very real sense, as though I've got my heart back. Bruce's work has been enormously beneficial to me once before, when I was initially leaving Christianity; it's helping me on an ongoing basis, it seems.
Romain, I also want to really apologise to you over not having answered you yet when you mentioned some PUL related work that you've been doing. I want to help with the Samoa retrieval work as much as I can, and will set intent to go either to TMI There or the actual site before sleep, whichever is appropriate. I'm still not always hugely conscious while out though, so if any of you see me There and are able to give me a nudge, it would be appreciated.
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