I'm sure the man J had a sense of humor, which requires having an affinity for his brethren. which means, affection gets delivered with a sense of humor.
humor dispells negativity; transmutes it, releases, frees. affection can be accepted readily, while the light of love can not be accepted so readily. J worked with wherever a person was on their path intuitively.

so I'm putting the two concepts together. love=affection, humor is a tool, a conveyance of love.

I still don't understand who or what this guru was/is that you encountered R. did he say transcendence was going into the nothingness, whereby if you had a weak moment and experience a feeling of love or affection, then it meant you weren't enlightened?

criminy. I'm starting to shiver. or is it just your interpretation, as you mentioned there was love going on (commune?) within the community despite the false teachings.

perhaps this guru was talking about non-attachment to this world and what it appears to offer, insofar as sexual pleasures, or how we get attached to the security of money..etc..there's a lot of distractions which do not lead to an enlightened state of being here.

was he preaching non-attachment and you took that to mean not expressing affection towards anything or anyone?

I don't think transcendence of ego should be that difficult to understand.
heres the way I understand it:

ego that needs transcending can be reduced to certain generally accepted thought forms we hold as collective mind:

such as: 1) do unto others before they do unto you
2) ka ka happens
3) it's a dog eat dog world
4) men aren't allowed to cry, they must appear strong

you get the picture I'm sure, these separated thoughts can build on themselves into a belief system of negativity, then get shoved into the subconscious after many years.

as an example, each such thought has to be transcended into the truth. yes it might be a dog eat dog world, but only if you run with dogs, to the dog, it seems perfectly fine is natural. by transcending each belief system of negative bearing, you would be transcending a fear based, instinctual egoic nature, so to say, you would attain nonattachment status to your own ego's demands, say for retaliatory measure upon a brother.

this is a deep subject. I doubt we can present a comprehensive viewpoint here.

It is natural to feel all of our feelings, good, bad or indifferent. babies fail to thrive when love is withheld. animals when caged up from birth are the same way. they simply don't respond to love if they've never been shown love. an injured animal will even bite the hand that feeds it. In many ways we start out as animals and transcend the nature of the beast.

Monroe calls it a predatory world. I think we're trying to get beyond it, but we still see this in the business world, or in politics, a kind of predatory attitude.

Why I wonder we don't understand what PUL is? Bruce I think coined the term. U stands for unconditional. I think I like to say Undistorted by the thought of receiving gain for an item offered freely.

I'm digressing to personal experience to explain. a performer is receiving "juice" from an audience. Would you say that performer is needy?  needing approval, if you see it that way, then they are needy and that performer would have much inner work to do on themselves, which thankfully, this world provides ample opportunity for self work.

This juice is Love, or call it appreciation factor. same thing. Love is always a positive force that makes more of itself. Keeping a strong front with no affection, love of self expression included, would not enable a performer to make contact with the spark of the god self which dwells within each. The audience knows. they know how it makes them feel, whether what they are getting is authentic and true, or if they are witnessing a performer who is working at it.

the point is, when we're dead, or when someone dies here, we suddenly realize what was important, what remains was the goodness, the love that made a memory imprint in/on the soul.
Love is remembered, too exquisite to be forgotten.

all else is a fabrication, or an advertisement for love. or even a flat out denial love exists. (Hitler for example, most likely did not believe the spark of God/love existed in the Jews, so we would say he was denying the authenticity of love within a certain segment of people)

denial is the opposite of allowing. and there you have an explanation, somewhat of a duality world, and the way to transcend egocentricities which produce yet more denial systems.

yawn. i must go to sleep now. talking my fool head off.
I like to read your posts more and more these days R, you are surely getting your act together.  happy holidays everyone.

Hi R, your lady heals with love. Otherwise you'd still have that pain.
Here is what she is to me, what she built her life philosophy on concerning love. I don't think I'm wrong about her.
_____
I aint lookin to compete with you,
Beat or cheat or mistreat you,
Simplify you, classify you,
Deny, defy or crucify you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

No, and I aint lookin to fight with you,
Frighten you or tighten you,
Drag you down or drain you down,
Chain you down or bring you down.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

I aint lookin to block you up
Shock or knock or lock you up,
Analyze you, categorize you,
Finalize you or advertise you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

I dont want to straight-face you,
Race or chase you, track or trace you,
Or disgrace you or displace you,
Or define you or confine you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

I dont want to meet your kin,
Make you spin or do you in,
Or select you or dissect you,
Or inspect you or reject you.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.

I dont want to fake you out,
Take or shake or forsake you out,
I aint lookin for you to feel like me,
See like me or be like me.
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.
_______________

This song is like a roadmap. It promises nothing, it states the negative, not the positive creative abilities of love to heal. Inherent within all is the ability to love completely, without judgment. Here, the author guides his listeners into what love is not. Then they can make their own map from his as each relationship is unique with it's own karma, or problems and the challenge remains with the couples to figure out.

High states of consciousness do not mean you have to be a monk. It may mean two heads are better than one when going for enlightenment. It could also be seen that he who travels fastest travels alone. being with another person can mean taking on their problems as well as your own. As well affection, unconditional love does not necessarily lead to "what couples do."

In a more enlightened society giving affection and unconditional love to another, no matter what gender or sex is a statement of their soul's intentions, and essence; the issue of finding "the one", the one person, is not a goal nor question. The enlightened being no longer sees man or woman, they see the soul which truly is both genders when in their natural state, they are to become balanced.

In our present society divorce is the standard and acceptable procedure which points to the fact we don't know truly why we come together with another of the opposite gender. Therefore I have a plan for myself only. Each must create their own philosophy and it takes a whole lifetime and then some, to create your own paradigm which works.
I say, alone or in a couple, the best you can hope for to create, is a companionship, whereby each allows the other to be fully as possible who and what they are, as we are always becoming more of who we are, things change, you can change with your partner, just as easily as you can change by yourself. If that intention is set.

This is why I put this song up here, my motto, whomever I meet in life, children or adults, all my brothers and sisters, in high or low places, all I really want to do, is be friends with you and you and you..

It's interesting that R says his guides show him a negative where it's later revealed to be a positive.
I find this kind of guidance is the same as the song above, which illustrates a bunch of negatives, and causes the human mind to focus then into the positives...like what my mind did, when I studied this song, when I learned from it.

R says: If spirits can connect with each other simply by thinking of each other, why can't people do the same? It is a matter of receptiveness.
___
receptiveness and personal development and focus I think. I think it can be likened to the way people do this, they consider it intuition working, but cannot explain it with our language.

sorta like strings resonating to another string, although that string was not plucked, it vibrates to the 3rd octave string...a harmony note. or if you're in a democracy you'll hear a a call for agreement on a measure. the majority rule thing.

above you speak of people and spirits as if they are separate items.
everyone has a spirit inside of a people. so the question you present could be reworded so it can be answered.
In your case you are majorly tuned into your lady friend. you have a signal on her, she on you. it's like an implant in a way. I've had this happen on occassion, that when I meet with someone I've known perhaps in another life, this occurs in obe. this signal device gets implanted, although this is just a symbolic image to illustrate the heart connection. from there on out, my experience is to get an email from them, the answer that I was looking for is in their email and suddenly we are reading each other's minds and knowing stuff about them we simply can't fabricate.

You must have opened yourself up R, or you wouldn't be able to have this experience. good for you.

I do this. I send my boyfriend affection this way. I just picture myself cuddling up and kissing him on the cheek. giving him some happiness that's pure and unconditional. he's a wonderful guy. he too has been reporting he's receiving the affection. it's just fun.
he's always amazed I can do this, but not as amazed as I am that I have this projection ability; I'm still getting used to this ability.
I'm starting to notice how a happy song effects a roomful of people.

also did you know, you all, this is the way absentee healing is done?
It's something we all will learn to do in the future, which is now.

to send healing. also we will all begin to read each other's minds until no one will be able to tell a lie as we can tell right away.

maybe you grew yourself some antannae Rec? (joke)
thank you for the gift of yourself here. perhaps we are generating consciousness here of a new type of human about to descend on the planet.