Sonia said: I love you all for what you build here.
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u wanted to know what love was awhile back. look at what u just said, and see if u felt love. if you did, it was a maximal feeling of love for you in that moment. if u felt it, that is your essence. so you felt it, then u wrote it down to us. you just gave us yourself. it was a gift to us of love. we responded in like form. you are a part of what we build here. I wish everyone would know, that what we share here individually, is what builds on itself.
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Sonia continues:
I want to be a builder too, but I need to think the right way and be the right way.
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u r starting to go back to childhood memories, and discover thoughts you had then. I think this is good, this way you can begin to create yourself anew. I call this doing self retrievals. you go back, you love yourself through whatever painful circumstance you went through, then you get yourself to that love perspective once more. usually, when doing self retrievals, or discovering hidden hurts back there, there is an issue which will need to be forgiven and released. I think u have the desire and ability to do this. what we do here, basically, is usually done by trained psychologists, who, if you've ever been to one, they help you to forgive the past circumstance.
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Sonia said:
So, when I got difficulties to be PUL, I intend to share those difficulties, so others can learn with me and find solutions.
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thank you for sharing your difficulties, and then balancing that with the love you shared with us in your first quoted sentence. The solution you will find is that it was always there within. when we are growing like we are, the truth comes into us, and then it is as if we had forgotten, and now we are remembering what we always knew.
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Spooky and I express ourselves through music. What I received from his post is what I experience while on stage. (have to reread it)
I think it's a gem.
Spooky said: From my experience, to do something in order to receive PUL afterwards out of it won't work. It only works to do something with PUL, and then it is reward in itself, even when the reactions are unloving.
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my experience too Spooky, especially so when on the stage entertaining. if when doing an act, there is the least bit of negativity, fear, expectation of receiving love, those thoughts interfere with the fullness of creativity in the moment, which creativity is the act of giving yourself away, and is direct communication with the audience, that they are one with you. there is no reward other than in the moment which would be eternally satisfying.
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Sonia, I just reread this entire thread. I'm reposting a few things you said to point out the consistency of your remarks.
this I hope, will show you that your reality is being created by these consistent viewing points. you are focused in that direction.
Every day you will think what you thought the day before, and feel what you felt the day before. that is how we create our personal reality. so let me try to help you change your mind. but ultimately, the work is yours and yours alone. Blink says meditate. she has a very good post, a lot of energy is there for you, I see you accepted it.
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Sonia: #1 negative:
I wish I were more competent:
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here lies a negative belief system. dig down and see why you don't feel competent. release it and belief in your competency.
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Sonia says:
- in knowing how to deal with emotions in general
- and especially in matters of love
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It appears your emotions have been dissociated from your mental area, as now you reveal you have emotions, and you do feel love, but you do not understand how they are related to your mental areas.
belief systems we hold, whether negative or positive, are what produces our emotions of well being, of love, or of the negative emotions. Therefore choose well what you wish to believe, from inside of yourself. be patient. we take our whole lives to understand what love is. you are simply experiencing what it's like to be a human being and rediscover, life after life, who and what you really are.
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Negative comment #2 Sonia says:
I don't feel more competent.
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Sonia could have just said "I don't feel competent." instead Sonia puts the word "more" in the sentence.
Sonia is measuring competency. this is the ego voice. you don't need to feel more anything than another feels. it is not necessary to measure up to anyone's expectations of you.
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Negative #3 Sonia says,
I doubt a lot.
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each time Sonia writes something down, it but reinforces the negative view, simply by the action of writing it down. Note what happens when you write something positive down. a feeling is generated then. pay attention to what you write down and how it makes you feel, is how it will make another feel. also, doubts are creative objectives, creating their own likeness. dig deep again, find out each item in your head that relates to this doubting process. dismiss them.
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Negative remark #4
Sonia, do you see your pattern now? it's an energy trail, you are in process of changing it.
Sonia said:
I too often don't know the right thing to do.
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Yes maybe so. however, you seem to be good at risk taking, and you're alive still, right? you must of did something right, or you'd be dead meat. the point is, you gotta always look for the positive, in order to build on it.
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Negative #5
I wish I met people who instead of judging me for my lack of knowledge on these matters and exclude me, would instead take the time to help me understand how to be different.
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what do you think we're doing right now? playing tiddley winks?
You have been included here. but the time it takes to help you understand how to be expressing love, how to be expressing understanding is not our responsibility to you..you are receiving alot, but much of it is going unconscious.
like seeds under the snow. in your patience you will possess your soul.
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Negative #6.
Here we come to number 6. Already, I am feeling myself becoming drained to continue helping, and so I will need to go replenish myself. I need to reflect to you what I am feeling.
this way you can consider how others respond to you as they do, to continue focusing always on negatives. Sonia says:
I experienced not being good enough for many people because of that. I believe that, if each time I am not good enough, and get excluded by "people who know about feeling and love", I shall never learn from them and I will stay trapped in the same vicious circle.
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But will u stay trapped? you said "I believe." Do you want to believe what you believe? make a decision to believe what you want to believe and give thanks for the ability to make a decision.
Why did life tell u that u weren't good enough?
Did you know any life to be had here is a chance to not waste it?
Many stand in line waiting for a womb. the right circumstances do not arise and so they take what is offered.
cultivate gratitude for the life that is now.
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Negative #7. oh please Sonia! haha! let me remind you what u said in another post.
Sonia said:
I am scared that when I am loved, it is on condition that "I am what makes that other person happy"
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ok heres what u said. "All I have to be is myself."
u are afraid again of not measuring up to another's expectations.
All love relationships, and even other kinds of relationships have the element of risk the same, that we will not gain acceptance full and complete within that relationship.
that is why the art of forgiveness is to be learned here.
forgiveness allows love to fruition. it is the best kind of love we Earthlings are privileged to learn. There are some relationships, that are growing, that requires using forgiveness every hour on the day until it's automatic. Expressing fear is a negative btw. but it's something u need to do until you can express a positive.
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Neg # 8
I am scared to be excluded for not being suffiently good enough
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you're just repeating yourself again.
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Neg #9
I am afraid that when I AM not enough loving, I will be excluded for my lack of love.
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Well, so far nobody has excluded you. look at the facts.
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Neg #10
I don't know anymore how to improve my situation.
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Did u ever know how to improve things? I can't say that I ever knew. Life is like an experiment.
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Neg #11
I am trying everything, but I feel alone on my quest. I feel misunderstood.
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We all feel misunderstood from time to time. I think you are not searching deep within yourself enough; you are trying to get answers that can only come from self reflection on the originating belief system, sometimes found in early childhood issues. you have to change your beliefs by accepting that was what happened, and it's over. forgive the others, and yourself.
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Neg 12
I do not understand why a quest for love is so hard.
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and who told you that doing a life was easy?
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Love is supposed to be the most constructive feeling that exists.
Why do I see so much destruction around love and the quest for love?
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and while you're at it, why do we see child abuse and why did the Holocaust happen? your question is an honest one, but it only talks about you, as an individual, it does not address the same problem on a world wide scope. you have to admit that the holocaust was but one example of a lack of love in this, our world.
the solution lies in building our own characters to become more constructive, and concentrate on the things that remain after a war, or during peace times. think globally, not about our own selves all the time. we are not separate beings. There is only One here.
The illusion is strong. It must be seen through. I hope you can see, I am trying to help. I do not wish to injure your thought system, as we do tend to cling unto them like they were our children.
You are changing. you seem to be having difficulty right now, but it should get smoother, if you persist in your searching.
Ask for guidance within, not so much without.
ok sweetie?
neg 13
I do not understand, or I fear to understand a truth that I do not know how to handle.
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you don't have to handle it necessarily, once you develop faith and once you decide to change your outlook by making the decision to do that. Each time you get a fear, it is a doubt.
doubt is fear. there are only two emotions: love or fear.
you cannot serve two masters. check your fear monitor daily.
We all want the same thing you do..love. check the love monitor daily too. find out what you are creating.
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