Sonia says: I think if you were raised without love and believe this is normal, OR if you fail to know how to be loving, I think you might get trapped as well in an area where people are not loving as well. It must be like some kind of vicious circle, if that is so.
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Sonia I was raised as an unwanted child; even told i was not supposed to have been born. and you're right that for a time up until my 50's, I believed that I was unlovable, and so if love did come along, even small gestures of it, it was against my belief system that I was getting love. and so it appeared to others, that I was heart closed down to them. and so I was. What really helped was to start reading Monroe, and then later Bruce here, and I started thinking about what I believe, and I had to do some self retrievals, where I went back in the past and discovered what that little girl had been thinking, when she was told she was not lovable.
I discovered I wanted to please mother so much, that I decided whatever she said must be true.
so when I came here, I was always looking to see what I did really believe, and I learned how to engage two thought systems which are in conflict, as if they are talking to each other.
you will find conflict resolving techniques in Bruce's books. and thank you once more for helping me understand how we can be conflicted in our belief systems Bruce. the techique that works so well is to simply say to a negative belief system, oh, I see you have served me so well, thank you, I'll take it from here on out.
something like that. I would see the negative belief as a personage, because it was controlling me and I allowed it to run my show.
this personage however, would always comply to my wishes to go in another direction without taking it along. it was easy in one sense.
then there's this thing of learning how to release and that entails true forgiveness of my mother.
not just the kind of forgiveness that says oh, she didn't know how she injured me so I'll forgive her. It's much more than denial of what went on. There is great power of transformation value, in forgiveness also while doing retrievals, as each retrieval became like a forgiveness exercise in itself.
Forgiveness helps the closed heart to open to feel PUL. like a process over time.
but for now, if you're reading Bruce, you may discover you are doing some growth into who you really are. I agree with Recover, you are on your way and your basis is love.
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to try to answer your question below Sonia:
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"Don't ever worry about being forced to come back here and suffer again. those type of decisions are beyond our C1 ability and made by the higher self as well those event planners we talk about sometimes."
Sonia: Do I get to decide then, or does somebody else decides?
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to my opinion if you have to ask this question, then you are trying to get to step C before you're done with step B. because you are worrying about something that has not happened yet, like eternal suffering. Since we are all One, we make those kinds of decisions in what I see as a group huddle thing..because once a life is done and we are not in ELS dimension, our viewpoints change quite easily and naturally. So I no longer say to anybody, I'm not coming back to this hell hole...because it no longer looks like a hell hole after I learned the only real job I have on this planet is to learn forgiveness and getting back to love, erases the hurt that went before like it never happened and the heart begins to be open to all, suffering ends then.
it's time for a cartoon for Sonia:
I'm not trying to be funny here, this is an example of comparison thing we are talking about and I'll try to define why it's a harmful thing to do and unlike PUL.
alas, Sonia, this is my life. notice, despite that we are all EGGS and we all have colors, some of us happen to have a few more colors added to the egg shell. This makes the other two eggs feel inadequate or just say there's green envy going on to be comparing like this.
so we call each other names because we were comparing. where my growth lies is to realize they are feeling insecure, and if I get a chance to, I may find a way to reduce their insecurity in my presence if I'm led to do that. but you have your colors, and religious terms, God is a God of equal love for all, and religion and other sources teach us to make use of the gifts and talents we each possess by not worrying or getting jealous, about what another possesses, that goes for enlightenment of others..we need to honor each other wherever we are on our paths.
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Sonia: I am afraid I get to be quite hurtful. I don't always know very well what I am doing when it comes down to other people's feelings. I really wish I were more competent.
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I don't have details where u say you get to be quite hurtful. but on a spiritual path, if we notice we have hurt someone, we make amends.
how you do that is up to you. in that if something has been stolen you would attempt to return that item to it's rightful owner if possible.
of if not possible going into your prayer closet you would ask for forgiveness. in this way you feel better about yourself.
It's kind of like doing retrievals where you imagine talking to someone you might have injured, and receiving forgiveness. If forgiveness occurs you feel your heart get lighter, and a general increase in your overall state of being within mundane life. it's important to do unto others as you want done to you. this is just one example where you start to feel at one with whomever was injured, however that came about. u simply stop making excuses of why you did it.
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Sonia: in fact it is not money I lack. What I lack is social contact, due to lack of money. TO fix that: I intent to take courses to change to a job where I have more social interaction. So, I am really working on it, but I am also really tired to get my mind busy to that, I am not looking forward to studying again, really.
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in a previous post it seemed you were blaming lack of money for some problems in your life. just wanted to get the point across money has nothing to do with happiness or inner content, despite the collective urge to have lots of it. social interaction I find right here on this board, so I see you have an ability to draw people to you for socializing, this thread being evidence.
and studying, even when we're tired, we cannot escape the way life changes with or without our active participation, so we always study something, even if it's only how to get along with the neighbor next door, it's a study.
I think this is a very good thread, and your the one responsible for many of us to express ourselves
it generates that thing called PUL!
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