I hope since you addressed your post to Bruce that he will respond himself Sonia, but since you did ask me privately to talk to you, in that you openly asked for guidance from me, I consider that a courageous act of trust on your part, as well, a honor bestowed upon me, that u might think I have something I can give you.
so even though I've been long winded here today, I want to offer my usual axion, be of good cheer, for things can't get any worse so the only way to go from here is up.
you said: But hey, maybe life is like some events we go through, afterwards you laugh with it and think it looked big and grave at the moment, but was in fact silly.
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In a sense I can see the wisdom of your statement. to quote Alan Watts, a philosopher, perhaps agnostic, he said after your life is lived, it's all finished, you float home in this other dimension and you return to your disc mates laughing your heads off in the greatest of mirth, to compare notes with them, what went on, etc. what was accomplished, what was left undone, etc. and somehow, being with your mates, the like-minded, your trusted friends and associates brings much greater clarity and grander view in a more unlimited scope.
and this is just an analogy of what a concept is trying to express;
so then you may turn to your group and boisterously say OMYGOD! I REALLY GOT INTO IT THIS TIME! BY JOVE, I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL REAL!
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see, you carry around certain belief systems. certain emotions. some of these beliefs conflict with another belief you have. when you are confused, it is evidence you believe both of those conflicting belief systems, and one of them has to go, or you will suffer conflict.
my basic reason or intention today is just to let you know you are one of us. we are all together. every person who comes here and contributes something is part of the greater whole that we reside in. we will not be able to fix whatever appears to be wrong for you right now. but! you will be read, listened to, respected for wherever you are at, and not judged as less than any of us here.
Don't ever worry about being forced to come back here and suffer again. those type of decisions are beyond our C1 ability and made by the higher self as well those event planners we talk about sometimes.
Now, I don't know how many years you've been here in physical but what happens is you can do a life review right now. Look back over your life and access any good times you ever had. Now add them up. Most of us can find a few pleasant moments we had. these moments are related to PUL experiences.
Then as you go along studying the nature of the universe, the nature of your internal workings which we call a life, you learn to be more creative of PUL circumstances, and gradually experience a growing sense of your personal power to create your life as you would have it be by keeping your focus on what "could be".
u should stop immediately this comparison thing you are doing to any other individual upon this planet. you are trapped into a this one is more than me, this other one is less than me.
Just go unto your God just as you are. it's a come as you are party. It's not necessary to please others, but it's necessary not to injure anybody else while you are getting your own knowings. so be kind is the password, but be truthful. you are who you are, not everybody is going to love you, so if they don't, I figure they are really missing out!
mainly because you are courageous. thats a fine quality. meaning you can ask for help, and that's all any of us are doing. asking for love, asking for help. ask and you will receive. I advocate developing the art of patience cultivation within linear time.
when u get home, then they will say, ok, what r u holding? cough it up! you will hold out to them that you developed faith through being patient. think that is not good enough?
It is well worth cultivating patience, for then all things will come to you that u desire.
btw, money should not be a priority, as u know, you can't take it with you, your disc mates would just laff at you if you tried to hand them some paper greenbacks.
well dearie, I hope u are a little cheered up, just to know you are not alone, perhaps you get the point, we all have sufferings which we don't post about, as well perhaps some inner accomplishments we find difficult to share, but would like to. words are insufficient communications device.
you have taken the first step of a journey, each day when u awake, is but one more step; if we can learn to be grateful for what has not been received quite yet within manifested ELS, we then begin to produce the desired fruits of the soul passing here.
now, don't get me started about how separated I felt from my family and others or you will be quite bored I'm sure, as I can rant on that for an eternity. people want to know what you like about them.
tell us how much u love us. I'm waiting..heheheheh
we accept you. you take care of yourself and do something nice for yourself when u get down in the dumps.
what I do if I'm not feeling quite as good as say, another day, I try to do something I have never done before.
right away this tends to free up your adventurous side and make you bust out of the conflicting thoughts we sometimes experience.
love to you, hang in, we hear you.