spooky2
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Hi Sonia,
I follow in what's been said by the others, I believe, in what you're going to achieve meditation is a key factor. "Meditation" in the broad sense; you don't need to chant some special mantras or so, but to guide your focus away from the daily world. It may seem counterintuitive, as a part of what you want is to give love to others, but for this, the first thing is to clean the mind of all these various distracting issues, arguments, counter-arguments and what not. Meditation could be seen as a withdrawal. From the feeling I get of what you wrote, you'd need to be more controlled in allowing others to influence you. You wondered about it yourself. Get yourself out of bad influences of others. One trap in searching for love is to inflict deep emotional connections. This is not really part of PUL. It's unconditional. When there are no conditions coming along with giving love, there are no unfulfilled expectations which would cause frustration. To let PUL flow is in itself it's reward. It can be used to heal, but the one who is feeling PUL is not dependant on the outcome. You told of some positive people turning away from you. Maybe they found you difficult to handle. Maybe you could learn something from them. If you feel in your attempt to be loving to another person that it starts going over your head, you might turn away. You're still a loving person when you respect the limits of your strength and means. When one is overpowering oneself all the time, then in fact it can occur that despite you tried to be a loving person, the frustrative events will cumulate and not healed and in the end one will eventually become bitter. That's where meditation can help: With it, a stable basis of love (including self-love) can be established, from which you can work from. That way, the meditative withdrawal is at the same time a active turn to yourself, and therefore to others as well. Keep your love-experience with the golden light in your mind which felt like fiction; it doesn't matter that you didn't experienced it in the physical, it's still a real experience and could be quite important. Allow it to come back to you in a meditation. Meditation is not so much learning in sentences and advices, but more in bits of experiences. Ask for guidance in meditation, when you're calm and comfortable. When you want it all now, first BE now. Meditate on what "Loving Acceptance" could mean.
The right "kind" of love it is when it feels right.
One thing all places in the belief system territory have in common: It's to avoid learning, progress, change of any kind. People who want to change and learn something are not likely to get stuck there. Those who want to learn will more likely go to Focus27, and they'll find a teacher. Why? Think of PUL. It's great to teach.
Spooky
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