Xerox People.

After I read ACIM, I began to think a lot about my belief systems. How I had been a xerox person. A copy of someone else because a mere program ran the way that I saw my life, myself and others.

perceptions are like programs in the mind. I was always running the default program from my early childhood which had informed me I might be my mother’s bad dream.

It carried over into adulthood unbeknownst to my conscious mind and so I was her copy that she had run off from her perceptions. A chip off her block, her own default program.

Xerox People.

This was sad to me. I didn’t want to blame mother. I would accept her perceptions for the while until I could become what my soul already was. For her, this took the behavior of rejecting the child when she wished to express love or joy.

In nature we will sometimes see an insect or an animal eat their young as an example. For instance, not to digress but my stepfather had a hog which ate her young unless he removed the piglets right after birth. We can’t know why nature does this exactly, but perhaps the mother hog was deranged mentally, or one or two of the piglets was sickly and so she decided to eat them all.

In my family I was the 3rd of mother’s 4 kids and the only one to get eaten.
This is because of my oversoul’s chosen destination to experience rejection and win her love, but not just her love, but to learn to love myself and when I did, it is much easier to love others when you see you did survive rejection of this sort and if you did, so can others.
It’s something to love yourself for, although I’m talking about a lifetime of walking this road, trying to figure it out all on your own.
I did love mother, attracted to a strong character as she was. She told me when she got older, you and I are very much alike, we just don’t give up easy. It was something I’d wanted to hear all my life from her. We had began to clear our differences from another time I won’t go into here as it’s too involved and I want to talk about xerox people.

I was upset that I could be run by a program, and that I pushed people away from me when they offered me love, as after all, I had accepted unconsciously I was not worthy of love so they must be wrong if they liked me.
I read on and learned that I could change my unconscious belief by bringing it forth into my conscious mind and studying why I couldn’t accept any love that came my way, which would include even love that came as an innocent compliment. When someone gives you a compliment they are also giving u their love; if you refuse the compliment, then the other feels that you rejected them.
Because we are mirrors to each other. Not many are awake that we are mirrors to each other, and so very few people had the ability to call me on my behavior so I could do something about it. There were a few though. I noticed them telling me in a nice way, I was not easy to get close to. But it wasn’t until I read ACIM that I finally figured it out, I felt unworthy of anyone’s love and this made them feel in turn, that the love they had shown me was also unworthy to be received. Very sad!!

I found the underlying reasons in the past life. I was feeling guilty what I had done to her then. But I was no longer that person so it didn’t seem quite fair, that this other person followed me into my new life.

Well, life is never fair on the surface of things. ACIM helped me begin to make things fair, to mother, and to myself by telling me not to forget the past until I had learned from the past all there was to learn. So I went back into the past to change the future within the now.

I learned that mother had agreed to participate in our drama in both lives and so we were one act. I also learned that she would evolve herself, her soul, by forgiving me. She did forgive, which takes a very big person to forgive. I was a big person to forgive her also because we had agreed, we were so alike.

Back to xerox people. The forgiveness was at the end of her life and so until then, I continued to be a xerox person, a copy of her perceptions to suffer under, unable to reach out much to others, unable to accept when they gave me love.

ACIM came along and said Alysia, here’s what love feels like. Whomp. Such joyfulness cleaned me out from head to foot; it squeezed the water out of eyes daily as the truth began to erase the perception that I was unlovable, guilty of deeds long forgotten, therefore not one with god.

I would sometimes just stare at the page and be stuck there trying to believe I was lovable for hours. Not exactly in efforting, because there was a presence in the room, on top of me, just loving me in every part of me, a spiritual orgasm that said, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what you will do, no matter how far you stray from me, no matter if you kill yourself over this, I am mother/father, guide and holy spirit wrapped into one, you will always be mine and my grace is sufficient to go with you now and ever.

And so we have these gospel songs about being cleansed, washed clean; now I know what washed clean means; and you could say all the ink of the xerox person had been washed off the page by spirit descending and having me rise up as a new being with a blank page to fill. So, I said to myself with spirit abiding near, it was a lie that I am unlovable?
Yes dear said spirit, it was a lie. Now you know the truth, go and tell it on the mountain if you want, but you need not do a thing; for I give you freedom to do nothing at all and just enjoy the rest of your life if that be your pleasure, I will still love you, now you are one with god. Love heals the separation said the book.
The ego divides because the ego is made for this job, after all the dividing is done, again, we have love to bring it all back together. Mother divided me from herself. She healed the separation when she forgave me and declared with spirit, we are one act.
My oversoul knew that through suffering I would challenge myself to employ the spiritual principles I deep in my memory. Mother needed me. She too had an oversoul, perhaps she was indeed, in my oversoul as a disc concept. She needed me to learn also that she was a big person too.
Somehow we made it home together. Mother even allowed me to retrieve her after she died by searching for me out there. Come this way mom I called, I know some people will take you higher! Love heals the separation.

just briefly, a little history of my presence here for some newbies thought I was running the show. I’m not, this is my only social contact with like minded people. I like to hang out and I learn to be a better communicator here by writing it down. people put up with me which is nice.

My history before coming here was reading Monroe. He had done an impromtu retrieval by helping a little *curl in one of his obes get to it’s proper place, through the energy of his being, for Monroe had/has a friendly vibe to him; he didn’t mind helping out although he had another task in mind in this particular obe.

I pondered this retrieval quite a bit. Was it true we could help others? I mean on both levels, in obe as well as C1? Was it true we were “attaching” to each other here/there, to each other’s energy being, and getting where we needed to go?
I set an intention to find out for myself and it wasn’t long before some strange being came to me, lifted me from my body and I participated in my first retrieval with her help. Many years go by and I forgot about this retrieval until I landed up here and lo and behold, this board was talking about retrievals and I found some history here of my old friend, Monroe through Bruce Moen being his apprentice so to speak.

I was home.

aye mate, choppy water and all but I loves de sea