hi everyone i havent been on here since last year after i put up a dream question, i lost my son's father last year and had a dream that he was ok shortly after his death however nearly a year later and reading different peoples experiences and views i have become scared of what happened to him after his death, from what i was told he was very drunk and had a tiny bit of heroin which he fell asleep and then he died, he was quite ill before this and i believe his body just gave up and couldn't take anymore abuse, now i know he sounds like a waste of space but he had addictions he just couldn't fight but he was a lovely person and i loved him for over 10 years, my questions are would he know he had died, what happened to him, where did he go, would all the pain he suffered mentally be released from him in death and will he ever be able to visit me, i miss him so much and i need to know he is ok in the afterlife any comments if anyone can help me i feel such a void in my life knowing he has gone forever, everyone seems to be carrying on with life but i just can't , i worry he died thinking i never cared about him because i had made him leave 8 weeks before his death due to his drinking and i feel partly responsible for his death by doing this, i just want to know if he is at peace and living again a better existance in another realm we call heaven thank you for reading this and any responses i am very grateful for Ellie xxx

hey Betson whilst i am happy with what you have wrote considering my predicament i'm slightly confused when you wrote
"Now I see what your board name means. You have no need to be mean to yourself by naming yourself that."

what do you mean by my boardname and being mean to myself?

thanks Ellie x

HI Elli. I don't see anything in your name where u r putting yourself down, but Bets is good at seeing things I don't see, so she will explain I'm sure.

but what I wanted to tell you so much of your story is my story and I wanted to share the same that your friend will be fine on the other side as my husband is fine.

Mike, my husband died in '83. he was a soul mate. meaning we had connections before this life. he was addicted to alcohol and died at age 43, so young. Nonetheless of his addiction he was still a beautiful and intelligent soul just like I believe you loved your friend, I loved him for about 11 years, even thru a divorce we still had a relationship. I felt guilt same as you that just before he died he asked to come live with me and I said sure, but I have a boyfriend now. then he said no, he wouldn't come then. I didn't know maybe he wanted to come back to me? then he up and died. imagine how I felt!

I would have thrown the boyfriend out on his ear if I'd known he was coming to me to die in my arms. he had told me he didn't want our kids to see him drinking, so when I'd asked him before to come back, he said no. but what I'm trying to say is the guilt is natural, it's tremendous upon our souls when someone dies. you will work it through and be free of that heavy burden if you make contact with his soul and that is entirely possible, so don't give up.
Mike did contact me after death, and to my amazement, he had a guide especially assigned to him to act as mediator between the two of us. and so I conclude your friend/lover  will most likely have a guide assigned also.

Mike was not the kind of man would ask for help, so the universe had to be at work here, that he would have guides despite he's so independent. actually he was a stubborn man, so you see I believe there are helpers everywhere.
then, when he made contact I had all this anger and grief, and guilt to unplug. just like you, it was awful!  the guide just sat an listened to the two of us talk. he didn't interfere. when I got thru being angry, I realized I was making Mike feel guilty about leaving me here alone to raise the kids, and he wasn't buying it. so it was some work I had to do to get to the love part. so I told him, ok, I'm going to think of the good part.
for the kids sake. and thats where I put my focus, as I wouldn't even have had my great kids without him. and there was some good parts, if I could remember, if I could get past the grief of not having him around and that I had unknowingly not let him come to me when he was trying to say he needed my support there at the end.

I guess I'm the sort needs it explained to me in black and white and couldn't read between the lines then.  but he came a few times to help me get "over" his life choices he made, that I was making myself guilty and sad all by myself. we had discussed his addiction several times and it was never my fault he drank, but it was my fault that my grief kept pulling him into my world and caused a pain in his own heart that I suffered so endlessly that I'd been such an ass.

so I'm thinking since your story is so much like mine that you are going to find the same relief I did. heres a link how to talk to your loved one here: [url]
http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/contact.html

scroll down to "how to assist a loved One." its fairly easy exercise and practice makes perfect.   don't worry, there's always a reason why we go through these painful separations and you came to the right place to learn. love, alysia

hi alysa
it seems our experiences are fairly similar, I met kev when i was in turmoil with my own life escaping a brutal husband and when i left him i had so disregard for myself i did some things i'm not proud of, then i met Kev and he saved me i learnt to love again and we had such a connection i assumed we would be together for always, he had left his partner and 2 kids a few months before i met him and for 4 years he to and fro'd between us, i loved him that much it didn't bother me as i knew i would see him again, i got pregnant and he still to and fro'd through the pregnancy but was with me at our sons birth and for 5 months after till he left again and then was back when our  son was 8 months then he stayed all the way through to my son being 18 months old but by this time all the leaving had took it's toll on me and i didn't want to live wondering when he would up and leave again plus  he started drinking and when his drinking got too much and when he returned to visit his daughters i told him not to come back but could see his son whenever he wanted, i did it so my son could grow up without seeing a drunken dad every day, for the next 5 years i concentrated on bringing up my son and never dated or saw any other man as even though Kev wasn't with me i loved him too much to meet anyone else , In 2005 my son was asking about his dad so i got in touch and told him i was going to Scotland for a week and he could see his son as he was curious about his dad, the intervening years he had got back with the mother of his girls and she basically told him he could go back to her only if he never mentioned or saw his boy again, and for a quiet life and the weak man he was he agreed, we had spoke through the years on the phone but never saw eachother but in October we met him and as soon as we saw eachother we fell for eachother again but then again i had always loved him so it was easy for me to do so, we spent a few days catching up and dad and son spending some time together and all was well, In January of 2006 Kev wanted to come and spend time with his son so i said he could however once he had got here he told me he hadnt told the other one he was coming so that caused all sorts of trouble but in a selfish sense i was happy then my son had what he had wanted for a while and that was his daddy to take him to school and play football with him, unfortunately the intervening years had not been kind to Kev and had got hepatitus c and liver damage etc and the way he dealt with it was drinking , so in a way things hadn't got better at all, it got to the point where he had got so drunk he went into a rage and smashed a few things in my house and i warned him the next time he would go that i hadnt brought my son up in a safe enviroment for him to ruin it as much as i loved Kev i love our son more, and he did it the last time i called the police and they took him away and i told him he had to go back to Scotland as i couldn't live like that, 8 weeks later he was dead, and all i keep thinking is if i hadn't made him go would he still be alive etc as the woman with his eldest children took precedence over me i wasn't allowed to go to the funeral neither was his son it was as if we didn't matter didn't exist so we never got to say goodbye the proper way which i admit has eaten me up inside but the worst thing is i believe he died thinking i no longer loved or cared for him and thats whats killing me , i had my dream after he died and for a while i was calm, i have smelt him a couple of times but all i want to do is speak to him one more time to say sorry for letting him down and i always loved him and to forgive me for not being there when he really needed me, i still cry for him on a regular basis i try not to but i can't help it and i just want to know he is ok and one day i'll get to see him again in a dream or at the end of my own life, i loved him for so long it's hard to let go anyway that's my story and yes we have similar parallels in our lives
Ellie xxx  

hey Alysia

thank you for sharing your story with me i appreciate it so much and i know what you're saying is right, i am so impatient to want  him come to me in a dream, i had one the other night just like the ones when we were apart when he was alive always trying to get him to see Connor and be a dad to him and to come back to me and be happy again and when i woke up and realised it was just a dream and he was still dead affected me for the day,  i can understand having them dreams when he was  alive but they just don't make sense to dream them now, i want him to visit me and talk to me to tell me he is ok and happy, i know the difference between a visit dream as they really stand out and i have had a few visits from departed people, i know impatience is annoying but i have looked at the link and will try that, i talk to him and hope he hears what i am saying to him but i'll never know for sure and you're right i would never change the time i did have with  him for the world and i know i will never love anyone to the extent i loved him , i was truly blessed to have met him and shared my time with him and he gave me the most prescious gift in my son some people never have that do they thank you for your kind words ands support i don't feel so alone anymore thank you love ellie xx

ps i find this really weird too his birthday is the same as my younger brother and he died on my older brothers birthday and also died in the town  we first met rather than the town  he usually lived in

ok Elli   I remember being impatient. Mike and I had made a pact he would come to me when he died, but I was impatient also. took him about a month to finally get here. plus he visited once while I was wide awake, with a guide also as I don't think he knew he could reach me and the guide helped. then the other times I reached him through just thinking about him and once through a dream he seemed to say he was watching us long distance all the time.
so they still come around  keep your chin up. Maybe if you keep an expectant attitude about it, it might help, as every day I would think, maybe it's today he will come, then it's easier after they show up, it's easier to work with the feelings as the only possible reason they would show up is out of love for your well being and once you know he loves you, you will see it's easier to get on. love, alysia