I got a big portion of my problem solved. This morning, I made a visit to F27 and had an experience that didn't seem all that signifiant at first but it directed my attention to a critical problem in my belief system. The discovery I made after I woke up left me in tears.
After arriving at F27, I find myself at a very elegant restaurant with a woman greeting me. She is very enthusiastic about showing me into the restaurant for some dinner. At this point, I faintly discover that I have a belief in me that makes me afraid of having close relations with women, but I decide to let her escort me along since I am guessing that this is for my own good. At the table, we are surrounded by dim light and brilliant-wooden pannels on the walls. The restaurant has a sort of oriental touch to it yet it is hard to define the style since I have seen it in many C1 places.
At the table is another, more casual woman (the other woman is more dressed like she is ready for a date) with curly-blonde hair and a middle-aged appearance. The casual woman knows me as well. I ask her "can you (both of you) help me keep my awareness in this world?". She helps me out by holding her water glass in front of me and offering me a drink. (This is a clue to who she is.) I do not hesitate for a sip. I wake up soon after but I am not disappointed.
I should note that the women know me like I am huband. Dad suggests to me that the glass represents a form of communion as with a church service and I right now I do not fail to consider this possibilty. If there is two women, could it be possible that the one waiting at the table, dressed casually was my other half of myself that I had been hiding from?
In the dream section of the forum (
http://www.afterlife-knowledge.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?num=1172171092 ), I make note of the follwing:
Quote:Observing the last part of the dream, I realized just now that the two wives got me in touch with my unwillingness to pursue a relationship with women. See, ever since many of my beliefs have been called into question, I have been doubtful of being compatible with anybody due to my very specific and unique traits and an unrelenting critique of anything dogmatic. I know now that I was wrong about my doubt and I suspect that my fear of women was likely turning my heart stale.
In addition, I have this emotional sensitivity, that I learned about from my mother's moody times, that made me afraid to meet women. I suspect that this is the cause of much of my depression and instability.
In the end, all is well since this enabled greater activity in my heart region. There is still some cleanup left over but this rediscovery went a long way to correct my difficulty with receiving and feeling PUL. For a some time, I had been feeling dead in the heart.
Steve Ed.