This is the first time in a long time since I've even attempted coming online for longer than five minutes at once....I'm working at a dull flicker,at best...recent times and circumstances have tested or challenged everything I have always firmly believed in..esp. myself...it's overwhelming to even think about explaining...but any positive thoughts or prayers this way are much much much appreciated...did I say much? Truly, and I have skipped over some wonderful topics and read some great posts...I hope one day I'll be "well"enough to be back in the jumble with my oh so long winded two cents about all this awesome stuff... I just thought I'd share a small story with everyone..as it's probably the most insightful thing that's happened to me in a long time...even though I've been pleading for some insight of my own..and have felt deserted and unusually cold, weak...etc...etc...lately...and have seriously thought about leaving this plane...and been sick enough in mind and spirit to feel very justified. ..I only recently have had, like I said, a flicker of hope...and 'hope' that it grows..I don't think I've ever felt so helpless..I don't like it, being the stoic Finn I am..lol...But anyway....back to my small story I thought was interesting enough to share...

During all this chaos around me..and I mean when it rains it pours...all my secret fears seeming to materialize...I was speaking to my closest girlfriend...she's the only one I have really kept in contact with, b/cI don'tlike her to worry..anyway, she had a crisis of her own recently.She is one of the biggest animal lovers I know...I'm one as well, but this woman truly warms my heart with her dedication and love to any animal...she herself has six dogs, as dear to her as her two small boys are...and recently, one of the older ones became very ill, full of cancer,and finally, the only humane thing to do was to put him to sleep, he could no longer walk, even...and she was having an understandably hard time with it.I wanted to be with her, but circumstance wouldn't allow it...I felt truly sorry for her,and it got me out ofmy own "stuff' enough to cry with her...after speaking on the phone, I was wiped out,and tok a nap. This friend I speak of was someone who really admits to not really believeing in God,afterlife...etc...or anything of that nature, through knowing me, though,she said she's had to make some adjustments in her thinking...just b/c of some things over time...at first she said I scared her,then she was interested...either way,she might not believe..but she's one of the most spirirtual people I know despite herself...sometimes it's just a matter of experiences,semantics...we all,or most of us I bet know what I mean..it's a journey..and I don't push anything on her..it's not necessary or wise in my opinion...but ANYWAY.....

While I was taking my "nap", I went into that familiar place...I'm sure there's the formal names for those levels of consciousness...but into that place where I am aware I'm "sleeping" and what's around me..but bodily paralyzed..and then deeper, and I was in the room with her and her dog. I've had impressions from animals before,to be sure, but this was really different for me...b/c My friend, was speaking to me,about her experience,as she was experiencing it...I don't know how to explain it,like watching a movie, but I could hear her voice in my ear,and it was very calm, describing how she felt, and what she was thinking, even though I could see she was interacting not with me, but the vet and her dog,so I assumed it was kind of like her soul, or higher self speaking to me.

Then I was aware of her dog,and I was still able to listen to her, and the dog,I have no other way to explain this,was also talking to me, about HIS experience,and also some things he wanted me to tell her afterward...things that I could not possibly know, that would "prove" to her that I was not crazy, but tapping into something, b/c it greatly bothered him the distress she was in.the dog didn't really have a voice, per say, but there was no mistaking exactly what he was saying, and feeling, it was very clear and strong, and the overlap of the two didn't confuse me at all,it was like I was split into three places,watching, listening to her,and the dog, and then also watching what looked like an old fashioned movie reel,of the dog's memories....I know I know..I don't really know how to explain this,maybe someone else can...

He was telling me he was proud of her strength,and that he would be around her till her time came,and when she could handle it,he'd also let her know he was still around her,when she was ready..the love he has towards her was/is as big as her love for him...he explained the procedure, b/c it wasn't entirely "normal"...he told me how first his legs went numb...and then that he would not go,until he was ready...(after she told me some things that made that check out)..and they had an unusually hard time, the vet,a friend of her's as well,felt terrible, b/c it took far more than the average doses to finally cross him over, he described this time as a"gift"...and then I saw her ex boy-friend......(also,this was so vivid, so strong..that had I called her right away after, and normally,I would have kept it to myself...but he was so insistent I tell her, and she really couldn't believe that I described the room,and her thoughts, the procedure,and then the memories..which I didn't understand the signifigance of until telling her about them..I just trusted that I was supposed to tell her...had I waited even a few minutes longer after waking to call,I woud have chickened out..I'm so glad I didn't..it helped her so much, and now,she descibes feeling him at her feet,and she never ever believed in that sort of thing before..so I'm glad it at least helped her grieving process, b/c she was so destroyed) I really didn't know what to make of that,I wasn't sure if that dog was around when they were together, or if this would really upset, her, but turns out that guy is the one who trained the dog, and they got him together when he was a puppy,and her new bo I guess wasn't too thrilled with this particular dog b/c of it...I didn't realize the dog was that old..and also, she very accidentally ran into him on her way to the vet...which I didn't know either, he had been gone on business,and wasn't expected back, so the guy was able to say his goodbyes,and I saw him through the dog's eyes, not her's interestingly enough...anyway..there were plenty of other facts and things that all checked out....things about him when he was a puppy,the things he remembered she was amazed at...and so was I...(and relieved, talk about relieved,if I had a crazy dream that didn't make sense it would have undoubtedly hurt her alot.).luckily I recognized this was no dream,and was half-asleep when calling her...the dog even told me she was due at a x-mas party that evening, and he said for me to tell her to stay home and go to sleep, that she'd finally be able to have a long, deep, restful sleep, she was on her way out the door when I called....anyway...it was very interesting to me...I've had similar experiences,but never such strong "words"and messages from an animal,maybe her spirit or guides, or his helped him articulate so well and strongly..and to have that overlap with her speaking to me..I was ableto recall both of their thoughts without trouble, even though it was simulataneous....

Anyway..I'm wondering if anyone has heard of such a thing...what's funny and a bit ironic is that I've been on the verge of...well, nothing good, and praying pleading to have some kind of insight, dreams, feelings, anything,for my own situation,and felt deserted totally for the first time ever, totally alone, even not able to feel Sandy(recently deceased lover that I've been able to at least feel since the day he died,suddenly...nothing...but I kind of feel him now)...though I'm only since yesterday starting to feel like I'm kind of "waking up" myself...and I hopeI do...or I hope that I'm able to function even a bit better...but I thought whileI was here,numb fingers,aching back or not..I should share this small story, and see if anyone has any insight that I might be missing...I'm so glad it happened...I just wish I had more control over when and if things of this nature feel like happening with me lately...

Hi Spooky! I was just about to log off,when I looked over your reply,and I have a habit of run-on senstences..and the way I worded it was confusing..the vet was actually a woman vet,and she felt so bad that it took more than average to put the dog down..but it was the dog himself that desciribed this as a "gift" which I didn't totally "get" I was thinking,maybe just the memories..but that is soo cool! I had no idea that gift was poison in German...I knew I'd get some cool insight!