I asked my ex husband if he knew he was committing suicide by drinking and he said he knew what he was doing.
you can see the writing on the wall when one flat out walks into death with their eyes wide open like that. he still made karma with me. although he didn't owe me an explanation for leaving me. we weren't the type of people to rag on each other to get the other to change. besides we were divorced. which is only a piece of paper because its still a relationship, papers on it or not. we have to think about karma differently, just as we have to think about reincarnation differently.these are only partial truths. our understanding is very limited here is why we need to explore for ourselves and take no one's word for anything whats going on. Bruce's books offer techniques to explore whats on the other side. confidentially, the techniques work.
back to hubby and karma. he was with a guide when he slipped into my dreams; the guides I would become familiar with. they know so much more about relationships and karma than either Mike or I put together. the guide stayed in the corner, but I had a feeling if not for the guide, Mike would have never thought about what I was going through; my feelings I had failed him somehow to get him away from drink and maybe there was something wrong with me that he couldn't imagine toughing it out with me because I was such pleasant to be around, wasn't I? maybe he didn't love me was the question, or didn't love me and the kids enough to stay with us. the mind comes up with so many questions when we try to understand death. if he didn't love me enough to stay then I felt guilty. I learned since then that we are all like this. we all feel guilty when someone checks out even if its the wrong thing to feel guilty over. I had a series of meetings with Mike after he passed, each one getting better and better in the PUL dept. I know guides just stepped in and helped him after his death, maybe they were past affiliations with him but it seems on the other side folks are more helpful to each other. even my grandmother turned into a guide on the other side, making my mother feel better about herself and carry on. as soon as Mike realized or became aware I was carrying a load of grief over this which would boil up in my throat chakra and choke me from time to time, he came to try and get this energy of grief dissipated from my aura so I could carry on. I suppose he realized then that he was the reason I suffered and that could be construed as karmic ties. he was successful in his endeavor but it took awhile and a few meetings before I got over that choked up feeling and the guilt by examining my belief systems very hard. all my beliefs were wrong. why would someone come to you and try to take your grief away unless they loved you?
it all boils down to what u believe about yourself since childhood and that carries over into adulthood and even beyond. people even take their fallicious belief systems with them into the afterlife and thats why we have retrievers that go into the BST's.
as for the suicide...sure, it was suicide with the bottle. its just that a shotgun is faster. he had gone into a coma for several weeks, bounced back and took up the bottle again so he knew. this didn't bother him on the other side in the least to have done it this way. in one visit guides, 2 male guides gave him a soul project; a way to expand himself. they visited him frequently. alway lending their enthusiasm to this project. they were going to put him into acting. yes, they even put on plays on the other side to my amazement. I was heartened that he wasn't alone, he was going to make friends. this acting project was perfect for an introverted person to flower themselves. and the play they had planned? high philosophy with humor. I wanted to be with him as I like acting too! but I knew I had to live my own life. we just didn't worry about each other anymore, thats how the relationship changed. everytime I look in my twins eyes I see Mike. he gave us those eyes..and they were magnificently beautiful eyes. the relationship never ends it just gets better. love, alysia
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