I have *very recently* lost someone I loved dearly.  My "other" significant other.  I'll explain that later if the question arises but my legal husband was well aware of the relationship and approved.  I don't expect anyone else to understand that but anyway, he was only 36, and died of a massive heart attack right after we'd had...ummm...relations.  (I'm trying to remain within the guidelines here and still get my point across.  I hope I'm doing okay.)  Anyway, I miss him terribly.  Since he's been gone I've smelled his scent twice in my vehicle.  At first I tried to tell myself that it was my memory playing "tricks" on me.  Then I tried to tell myself that I merely wanted him back so bad I manifested it myself.  But then I doubt that too because no matter how hard I try, or how often, I can't get that scent to come to me "at will".

Then one day I was working in the kitchen packaging some items for the freezer.  I was thinking of him the entire time.  Feeling very lonely and abandon...and actually a tad mad at the situation he'd left me in to handle.  I carried one load of items to my freezer that is in the utility room and returned to get the rest of the items.  After I'd put the second load into the freezer I turned and I *swear* I saw him standing off to the side and slightly behind me.  It's tight quarters in that utility room and I almost said "Excuse me sweetie" when I blinked and he was gone. 

I'd cried the times that the scent came to me.  It made me think of being snuggled up next to him and how I miss him so.  But when he *appeared* it made my heart jump.  Not from fear, but from the excitement of SEEING him.

I'm questioning now if I've lost my mind.  Or is he here still watching over me.  Is my grief keeping him here?  So many more questions and I don't know where else to turn.

Hi Day Star,

I have no idea how your paranormal odors fit into the total picture of your friend's current spiritual plight.   The morality of your love triangle would obviously be relevant, but I don't know the details and they are none of my business.   Nor, given my ignorance,  would I presume to comment on the meaning of how he died.  I'll leave those questions for your reflection.
 
What I do feel comfortable saying is this.  Emanuel Swedenborg was perhaps the greatest astral adept who ever lived.   He reports that our early postmortem condition is normally very positive with beautifiul sunny parks and loving company.   But he warns that this may be a poor indicator of our ultimate fate.   First we shed those personality traits that derive from our earthly ability to keep our thoughts a secret.  In most of the astral realms, no thoughts can be hidden and communication is telepathic.  Then we gravitate towards a spirit plane (positive or negative) based on the principle that like attracts like.  Given the stakes, i would pray for your friend and ask that he be given grace to respond to this sorting process in an open and loving manner.   Such prayers might quickly nullify any distracting or inhibiting effect of your grief.        

The role of odors in your experiences prompts to retell an analogous incident related to me last year during a visit to Kelowna, British Columbia.  I had coffee with Gord, an old friend I had not seen since I was a teenager.  Gord is now a Christian chaplain.  You might be interested in an experience Gord shared with me.  Other experiences may surpass Gord's story in evidential value, but few experiences of after-death communication surpass the beauty of this experience.

Gord was visiting an elderly lady, Annie, in a nursing home.  He noticed a bottle of lilac perfume by her bedside.  No one knew who placed it there!  After a few minutes, Gord asked Annie if she'd like an application of the cologne.  She said, "Oh yes, I'd be delighted."  So Gord had a female attendant put on the cologne for her.  Annie smiled brightly and reveled in the marvelous odor.  But then she peacefully closed her eyes and slipped into the next life.  It was 3:00 PM on Tuesday.  

Annie's daughter helped her husband on their farm.  At the time of Annie's death, the daughter and her husband were working in the barn.  At 3 PM, something odd caught their attention.  The strong odor of manure was suddenly overwhelmed by a more potent odor.  Both Annie's daughter and her husband independently recognized the smell as that of lilacs.  They were baffled.  

When Annie's daughter came to the nursing home to complete arrangements and pick up her mom's things, she gasped when she saw the bottle which was still beside Annie's bed.  After talking to Gord, she realized that the lilac odor in the barn signified her mom's presence at the precise moment of death to say goodbye.  For some reason our deceased loved ones find the use of signature odors one of the best ways to reassure us that they are alive and OK in the hereafter.  

Your question about whether our grief can impede the progress of our beloved dead prompts me to retell Phyliis' s NDE.   3 years ago, I met this highly skeptical woman at a wedding reception.  Phyllis had a PhD in medical research.  Being exceptionally cerebral, she retreated from her emotions in times of crisis.  Her mother had recently died and she couldn't deal with this; so she didn't.  Then she experienced her own crisis, a serious car accident that launched her into an NDE.  She found herself ascending to "a mall that wasn't really a mall," complete with a small orchestra playing softly in the background.  It was a mall composed of white light.  Phyllis came to a table at which her deceased mother was seated.  When Phyllis sat down, her mother admonished her intensely, "YOU HAVEN'T COME TO TERMS WITH MY DEATH.  YOUR DETACHED REACTION IS BLOCKING MY PROGRESS HERE!"  This uncomfortable conversation was anything but the expected warm mother-daughter encounter.  Phyllis felt relief when she was able to return to her body.  She fully recovered from her injuries.  

Not long after, she was back in the hospital to have surgery for a life-threatening illness.  As her condition worsened, she had her second NDE.  Back she returned to the mall in Paradise.  Once again, she joined her mother seated at a table.  Phyllis dreaded this contact because she had tried to forget about her mother's last NDE challenge.  The unearthly music played by the mall orchestra provided little comfort.  "YOU STILL HAVEN'T DEALT WITH MY PASSING!  I WANT TO MAKE PROGRESS HERE!"  Then her mother did something very interesting.  She pointed to the table and declared, "YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS DISAPPEAR!"  

The table was apparently a part of elaborate thought structures that bound Mom to her daughter's problems.  I was shocked by her mother's claim because I had assumed that excessive grief--not detachment--inhibits the progress of our deceased loved ones.  Feeling very ashamed, a sulking Phyllis finally said, "WELL, I GUESS I'LL RETURN TO MY BODY NOW."  

Her mother's startling reply was totally unexpected: "NO, YOU'RE NOT READY TO RETURN YET.  YOU NEED TO GO WITH THESE PEOPLE."  Two men appeared and escorted her to "an elevator that wasn't really an elevator."  It as an elevator of of white light.  They ascended to a Healing Center where Phyllis experienced a procedure that she couldn't understand.  When she returned to her body, she was completely healed and didn't need her surgery!  She wondered, "What did they do to me and what can humanity learn from this?"  Can astral adepts visit this center and receive a healing for conditions that earthly doctors cannot treat?  I'm fascinated by this question.

Don

My advice is the same as Spooky's.

The attitude that seems to be most useful to those whose bodies have fallen off seems to be unqualified love, plus acceptance that this step in your relationship has a purpose that will, maybe in this or a future life, make sense.

If it were you that had died, what would you wish for your previous partner? Probably that life and love go forward, yes? Then allow that to yourself as well.

dave

I'd just like to add something about Don's warnings about the gravitations of a spirit toward a heaven or hell.  There is plenty of evidence that a person's free will is in full force both here in the physical world and after death.  Most spirits who become "stuck," or repeat offensive behaviours with other like-minded individuals do so somehow willingly, and may or may not be aware that they only need to change their perspective and remove belief systems that are hindering them.  This is a key point.

If you talk with him in your mind, as Spooky suggests, there is no reason to fear or instill fear of some hellish realm.  Let him know of your love.  Let him know of forgiveness, acceptance.  Do not dwell on the negatives of what to avoid.

Love, free will and the creative power of God and the mind are what we are all about.  If one chooses to be buffeted about by an idea of damnation or inescapable fate, that is exactly what one gets.  The ability to free yourself from such fears and realities is with you all the time.  It is with him now. 

Matthew

>> I guess I just want to *know* he is, not just think it. <<
DayStar,
You certainly came to the right place for finding out how your Dave's doing. Those changed stickers on his truck seem really significant and your interpretation seems accurate, that he's in his new place and wants to let you know how he's doing.
Have you tried the 'imaginary ' conversation with him yet, as Spooky suggested? When he starts answering you without you providing the script you'll *know* there's alot more going on than you control or imagine.
Also you can get alot of info by reading other parts of these boards, like on related topics, or over at Retreivals.
Many best wishes. I know that it hurts to lose someone.
bets