Wow, so much to say... where do I start? I was kinda just kidding about the whole schitzophrenic thing... Although I have had fits of paranoya, I know I have the capacity to keep from going deeper. You all make me feel very well about myself, I'm comfortable here now, thank you very much. All of you.
I was actually half-expecting to be ridiculed and joked at, I guess that goes to show how used to it I am.
Vicky: good to know I'm not alone on the whole face thing. Along with that I see much more, habits, traits, their pains, desires, even from a photo. It's all a very intense emotional thing for me. Imagine sometimes having to see the real ugliness in people you love and would look after, or the coldness in a persons eyes, and then to have to look in the mirror and see yourself. For me, more often than ever, I see so much pain in my own eyes and it's ever reciprocated I see a dying spirit.
*sigh to that... But there's a plus side to it, I often know how to deal with people because of it, or who to avoid. It's like having an inside track. Glad to know also that I'm not alone in feeling protected. That feeling gave my life purpose, I knew what it was even as a youngster, since my earliest memories, knowing I was meant to have a profound effect on many people. Maybe it was just a feeling then, because I've no Idea now how that's supposed to happen HAHAHA.
Justin2710: The voices are very VERY scary to me sometims. Earlier, I was at work, feeling fine when writing to you. Right now, I'm home, and I feel several people around me, I'll say people. The more I talk (or focus on the) the more heightened my sensitivity will be. There is someone standing behind me to my left, and someone sitting on my bed right now it feels like. Either that or 1 entity moving around, I don't know. It's not as threatening as it is a just-plain-creepy feeling. The same applies to right before I sleep, the more I think about it, the louder the voices get. And many are painful, very few so far have been positive on any note, maybe they mostly are painful because they need to be heard and helped...well, I need help myself lol. I know they are not my mind because I make myself think phrases while they talk, it's been like sitting in a class right before the teacher begins... you're chatting with your buddy while you hear the rest of the class. I can't predict (let alone dictate) what is said, which is why it's very genuine to me.
Lights of Love: I left my friends house to go home this evening, and the air was a muggy swampy musk, nostalgic of when I was a child with friends playing until it was time to go home.... It felt SOOOOOO good! The smell was so calming, I needed that....So I need to get centered? I know, you're right. Right now, my life is very hectic. In all honesty, spiritually, I want to shut my 'beacon' off. I don't want to hear voices before I >attempt< to rest. I don't want to feel entities I can't see or touch. If what I experience was intended to be some sort of gift, I don't feel spiritually mature enough to handle it. BTW, I feel very detached from reality, for the past few months really bad. I'm not sure that I'm still actually physically alive.
Y'know.... writing all this has made me realize something, my spirit has been seriously corrupted...as a child, things were pure, simple. now, i'm driven by the desire to survive in a dog-eat-dog environment. I can even remember the day I stopped fighting the mentality. I'm a mess now because I lost my balance, somewhere around 6 years ago. I need to find my center again.... I'll cut it short here, but thank you all again for your support. Well, I'm getting sleepy...I'll try to remember what I hear tonight (if anything) and I'll post tomorrow morning... good night.
I've said so much, ye so much I didn't say...