If someone says something nasty about you, it doesn't mean you're nasty, it means he's nasty.
If someone says something nice about you, it doesn't mean you're nice, it means he's nice.

In addition, the next time someone says something that upsets you, rejoice.

It is actually an opportunity for greater clarification and evolution, in disguise.

Do not of waste this precious opportunity (for evolution hence greater personal joy and love) like most pple do, in generating additional negative karma (from feeling/directing anger/hatred at the person).

It is actually a misunderstanding (and thus foolish, from the viewpoint of your higher self, ie. in your most clear headed state of mind) to direct anger at the person who made the remark.

Think about it. The real issue here (behind your anger), has NOTHING to do with the person at all.

Whatever the remark the person made (eg. some kind of personal attack on your character, competence, or worthiness), the same remark could very well be made by any one else.

You cannot judge or presume to know the reasons behind his remark, for we are not in his position. It could very well be (and in many cases is indeed) that the person's remark wasn't even directed at you, but you had misunderstood it to be directed at you.

(Byron Katie gave an example, that she entered a toilet cubicle that was just occupied by a transvestite (who was humming away and smiling at her as he left), and she was upset to find that the toilet seat cover was wet, as if he had peed on it. Well, she wiped away the liquid and used the toilet, and as she flushed it when she was leaving, she realized the flush was faulty and caused the flush water to spray all over the toilet seat cover! It was then she laughed at her own foolishness for feeling upset at the transvestite! The point is, it doesn't matter what the situation is, all that matters is how we can constructively use the situation towards greater clarification and evolution, towards light, love and joy.)

(Another example which I mentioned before, is that imagine while walking on the street, a man running on the street bumps violently into you, knocking you down. Without even apologizing or helping you up, he continues running away. If you do not remain LUCID (clear) in your thoughts and emotions, you take it personally, you get upset and think, "what a bastard! if i get hold of him, i'll whack the crap outta him!", you generate negative karma, in effect YOU screw yourself. It could well be that the man was rushing to the hospital because his daughter had met an accident and was in critical condition, for example. We'll never know. The point is, it's not the event itself that matters, it's how YOU choose to act, or react, to it, bringing either more negativite karma yourself (and all creation), or more light and love, aka evolution)

In addition, if we were to attack back (this includes simply feeling anger at the person), the most tragic part of this, is that we miss the point of the whole incident, the point being the opportunity to clarify our thoughts and emotions, the opportunity for evolution, greater expansiveness, joy, light and love, to ourselves (hence to all creation, hence to the consciousness of God, for which we are all a part of).

Ask yourself, what is it that's REALLY behind your anger.

In ALL cases, you'd realize (once you put the effort into CLARIFYING (the true nature of) your thoughts & emotions) that you get upset, ONLY BECAUSE A PART OF YOU HAD AGREED TO THE REMARK (that you had INTERPRETED (correctly or not) as an attack on your character, competence or self-worthiness).

In other words, when someone says, "you suck" or something along those lines. If you were clear headed, intelligent, wise and loving (which you probably would adopt as a evolutionary role model for yourself), how would you react? Instead of MISUNDERSTANDING the situation, AGREEING with the statement (and thus feeling angry, the anger not actually directed at the person, but the true nature of the anger is directed at the idea that "you suck", which a part of you had yourself agreed with!), and generating foolish, unnecessary karma for yourself, a clear headed, intelligent, wise and loving you, would proceed to think along the following lines :

1) Am I in agreement with this statement? From my understanding, nobody 'sucks'. Every individual experiences limitations and difficulties in his/her actions, I understand, respect, empathize and love every individual for the spark of God that he/she is. And hence, I feel the same way to myself. So, for sure, I don't 'suck', and neither does anyone else. *smile to yourself, and to that person*

From Byron Katie'sguidelines, this is equivalent to the step where you ask, "Is this true? Can I absolutely know for sure that this is true?"


2) Realize that this person, for WHATEVER reason (this we cannot presume to know first hand, because it is his/her choice and perspective to feel that way, not ours), chose to make that remark. It is NOT OUR BUSINESS to decide whether this person should had made this remark or not. The fact that he DID make this remark, we could well say that hence, yes he 'should' have made this remark. This is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT as to whether that remark is true or not. Note that in the first place, you could have misunderstood the remark (eg. he could have been talking out loud to himself, and you misunderstood and thought he was directing it at you, or he could have meant it as a compliment or joke, etc).

In Byron Katie's guidelines, ask yourself, "whose business is it (that he makes this remark?) is it my business? or is it God's (ie. nature's events, beyond any individuals' jurisdiction)? or is it the persons' business?"

You then realize it HIS business alone, whether or not he chooses to make such a remark. What IS indeed YOUR business however, is whether or not YOU choose to agree with, or reject and shrug off, the suggestion (that you had interpreted (correctly or not) the contents of his remark as). What IS your business, is whether you choose to generate negative karma, or positive karma (ie. positive work, in terms of ASSISTANTIALITY and EVOLUTION). In other words, it is YOUR BUSINESS to see how you can use this opportunity (from this event) for the highest benefit of yourself (evolution) and for him (assistantiality) and for all creation (CosmoEthics).

This is the next step of the clarification procedure.


3) The third step, the "Turn It Around" step, is about PERSONAL clarification and (hence) evolution. There are several levels or possible TurnAround ideas that might be applicable (to any situation or case), and once you get the hang of it, your consciousness would be exploring all the possibilities simultaneously, in joy and expansiveness.

For example, you might be thinking, "This person should not be saying thoughtless remarks that hurt the feelings of others".

Turn it around, and you get :

"*I* should not be be saying thoughtless remarks that hurt the feelings of others".

And by extension of Love, you realize that it is YOUR nature (and you resolve to re-affirm it, and further it by experession and action), ie. it is your CHOICE, that by your love, you do not wish to hurt the feelings of your loved ones, all your loved ones, and thus   

Now THIS (Turn Around statement) is indeed your business. It is the ONLY thing that you can, and should do. Because you have chosen it for yourself. And thus from this step, you become a more clearheaded and loving person, all thanks to the person making that remark (see? that's why he 'should' have made that remark, not because it was true, but because it was an OPPORTUNITY, in potential, for you to achieve greater evolution, and thus contributing to (the evolution of) all Creation as well). More precisely, it is your willingness to let the wisdom of the Light & Love in your own heart, to guide your personal free will and choice, to seize the opportunity that was presented by this incident (of the person making that remark), that you can be grateful for.

Essentially, (rather than the person or the incident per se), it is God (ie. the Light & Love that is the Essence of all beings) that you should thank or be grateful for, for which both yourself, and the person (who made that remark), as well as the guides & helpers that ochestrate these incidents (and giving you moral support and urging to see the light in all such incidents), that are in service of, and a part of (God; this Light & Love that connects us all).


This "Turn Around" step, is also known as the "Man, Know Thyself" step, the Law of Reflection - that states that the world is a mirror for us to know ourselves better, that every little thing that happens to us, can teach us something about ourselves. This is one of the purposes of physical incarnation. Indeed, at the mega-macroscopic level, it is the purpose of Creation (Law of Manifestation), one of the secrets of why Creation came about in the first place -  as each of us know ourselves a little bit more, so thusly does God know Him/Her/Itself a little bit more. Creation is God exploring, experiencing, and evolving His/Her own Nature by Manifestation and Evolution in free will (infinite possibilities), and God exploring, experiencing and evolving His/Her own Love, in all His/Her relationships with Him/HerSelf, ie. the relationships within and between all of the Beings in Creation.


 
To end this post, and in line with the themes discussed herein, may I recommend the following 3 books, for your perusal and purchase consideration :
 


International Academy of Consciousness' "Retrocognitions - Memories of Periods in between Lifetimes" :

http://infinity.hispeed.com/Heart.Of.God/IAC/index.htm

 

Charles Breaux's "Way of Karma" :

http://infinity.hispeed.com/Heart.Of.God/WayOfKarma/index.htm



Byron Katie's "Loving What Is" :

http://infinity.hispeed.com/Heart.Of.God/main.htm#ByronKatie

I've been wanting to meditate awhile upon developing "will." it's not quite the same as willpower. just, I'd say a "willingness" to see things differently. (ACIM)
I don't see any disagreement between Kyo and Freebird, it's just that any words or communications can be interpreted differently. all of us appear to be in agreement from my viewpoint.
I see only two choices in ELS: choosing to react from fear (related to survival of the fittest: animal genetics) or choosing from PUL, which is not weakness. Weakness is reacting from fear. anger being an only more intense kind of fear.
developing a will is a big subject we can explore here; I sense much discovery awaiting me.  Kyo, I recently discovered the truth that u mention how people most often reveal themselves  when making a statement about someone else. thus the saying "believe only half of what you hear. lol. the more definitive and adamant they may be expressing, the more they are defining themselves as opposed to defining other; it's called   projection, and a good reason to be non-reactive in the fear/anger department in this case, although expressing on this level of fear/anger might be necessary as long as you know you are choosing to engage that way, and not simply reacting. an example is raising your voice to a child who is doing something dangerous such as running into the street. heres something I'd like to share from RA:"This is the only place of forgetting. It is necessary for the 3rd density entity to forget what it really is so that the mechanisms of confusion or free will may operate upon the newly individuated consciousness complex." (B1, 193)
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heres something else about how our mind works in conjuction with will: your attention is a function of your energy being. (creative) your mind simply responds to your attention. (quote from The Path)
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Me: so where we place attention, that is the act of being creative and using will. we might want to throw out conceptions of karma here at some point, they are far too limiting and imply we have a cross to pick up and carry. in truth we have no crosses to bear excepting the ones we  choose to but that is not error itself, that is simply gathering experience. I'm going to continue here to give a willingness to see things differently, another way of saying to keep the mind open to all possibility. love you guys!