First off, I don't know how to meditate or do anything conciously, but I've had some strange things happen to me on and off throughout my life. They are nothing major nor at all frequent in nature. But they did intrigue me.

My mother died on September 14, 1997 from pancreatic cancer. I was 27 then. After she died, my whole entire life was thrown in to absolute chaos. I had to leave my home, the only one I'd ever known. Friends, neighbors etc. My father wanted to be closer to his family (who do not like me btw) so they moved us here. I'm originally from S. Cali. For a while I moved to TN to be with a boyfriend. It was about 6 months after her death and I had this odd, dream.

I could feel myself lying in the bed suddenly asleep. Then I began to tingle all over and dematerialize. When I rematerialized I was in my old home by my bedroom. My door was open and my mother was standing beside it smiling, very happy. I told her I was scared and she said, "I know." Then she led me down our hallway (we didn't walk, we floated) and to the living room front window. She indicated to me across the street to the neighbor's house. He had died a year earlier. I guess she was telling me he was ok and there too, that nothing has really changed. But I'm not sure. She didn't really speak other than the "I know".  Then suddenly I could feel myself dematerializing again. It was kind of unpleasant because I think I was resisting going back. But I could not stop it and my mother just stood by and did nothing. Then I woke up in my body like, "Whoa."

I've always wondered...was that real? Or do I just watch too much Star Trek, Stargate, Babylon 5 and other sci-fi.  If it was real, how can I tell? How did it happen? Did my mother do it herself? Or did I somehow unconciously do it on my own? Or did someone else help? I saw no one other than my mom and my neighbors who were outside across the street.

I also had another experience a few years back. I was taking a nap one afternoon and I appeared in our old kitchen. (There were no dematerialization sensations this time). My mother was there, still very happy and she had her best friend from back home with her and they were so happy, and my mom told me they were going shopping. Then the phone rang and woke me up. I answered it and it was my dad telling me that that same friend had just been diagnosed with cancer. Why would my mother choose to show me this? I didn't have any kind of relationship with her friend. Hadn't thought about her in years and years. My mom's friend died a year later during the summer. So I always figured they went shopping then.

I'm also plagued by terrible nightmares of my mother dying over and over and over again. When she died I took comfort in the fact that at least I'd never have to go through her death again. But I always dream of her dying, sick, decaying...very morbid things. It's very disturbing and I wish they'd go away. I figured they would after a while but it's going on 8 years and I still have them almost every night often several times a night. Some are so bad I have to get up for a while to get my bearings. I wish I could make them stop.

Thanks for reading and if anyone can answer my questions or give me some insight, I'd surely appreciate it.

Many Blessings,
Tru

   Your post kinda hit me a little harder than i would have expected.   Some of my earlier life somewhat parallels with yours and i really know how it feels.

  Your dreams sound like your mom was actually visiting you, and wanted you to know that she was still very much *alive*.  Like Bruce, and others have mentioned here, dreams are often a kind of foggy remembrance of our journeys into other dimensions.  Some people even learn to control their dreams and do exploration through them, sometimes even getting verifications later on.

Perhaps your mom used her friend, because of the very fact that you didn't know her and it would seem more "out of the blue", and it would be more of a "aha" kind of experience?

Nothing wrong with the imagination, its the vehicle through which we do experience other dimensions and even just other more subtle facets of life here, like music, art, or any creative more right brain balanced work.   There is a very interesting gland in the body called the Pineal and from what both metaphysicians and scientists have researched, it seems to be the "imagination gland" and it is the psychic gland--it seems like the two go hand in hand?
  Or it is interesting that in studies, when a person looks at an object certain parts of their brain "light up", and when they are told to close their eyes and imagine or visualize the object the same exact parts of the brain light up. 

  Your nightmares could be many things...  It might sound psychological at first but from the research i've done, a lot of nightmares are often actually food related.  Do you eat late at night, before you go to bed?   Especially if you eat unhealthy and hard to digest food (like junk foods) before you go to sleep, that often causes nightmares.   Its always good to have at least a 3 hour lapse between when you eat and when you go to bed (more if you eat a really big meal).   

   I know when my mom died (of cancer too), i realized at some point that i was holding some unconscious resentment towards her, because i felt very abandoned in some ways.  We were very, very close and i was still somewhat young and still living at home..  So i forgave myself for holding those feelings, and i forgave her and realized that it had nothing to do with me.  I've had numerous dreams about her, and being the spiritual type that she is, she has even been a guide at various points, pointing out info that i at different times was thinking a lot about.  Some didn't make any sense then, but later on made a lot of sense.

Best thing to do, is to sit down and ask your higher self, why am i having these nightmares and help lead me to the solution(s) that will help me get over them.   I believe everyone has a part of themselves that is more consciously plugged into Spirit, and we can get info, solutions, and help from this aspect of ourselves whenever we ask for it.  Its just a matter of asking clearly and with feeling behind it. 

Peace,
Justin

Thank you all so much for replying to me and sharing your wisdom with me.

I saw my mother the day she died. She asked to see her dog. It was at this point I realized my mother most likely knew that this life was ending.

I remember that last day. They brought her out in a wheel chair. She was hooked up to a bunch of stuff. She saw her dog. And then my dad took the dog and I stopped in front of her, I said, "I love you Little Mommie (pet name I always called her we were extremely close.)  And I told her I'd see her tomorrow (though I "felt" we both knew this was good bye).

It's really hard to describe what I was feeling that day as I looked at my mother's dying body. My mom who used every bit of her strength to lift her head and say, "I love you too," and she was always so happy around me and unafraid. I know she was afraid with my father though.

But the last day I looked into her eyes and she in mine and something I'm not sure what, passed between us. Some kind of communication. Almsot as if my mother was already half out of her body or out of it part time. I wonder if the dying often leave their bodies several times before finally leaving permanently? Her eyes were almost glowing, smiling from the inside...so hard to explain.

That night my mother passed away peacefully. When I heard the news my father became abusive toward me as did his family. I'm the "step" now my father's only child with my mother. In despair and feeling totally alone I went outside. It immediately began to lightly rain.

Rain has always been special to my mother and I. If it would rain in the middle of the night, one of us would sneak into the other's room and say, "It's raning!" and then we would open the back door and listen to it. Similarly when my grandmother died, if poured there for a whole day. It was like rain was the one thing my mother and I loved and grandmother wanted us to have a rainy Christmas. I didn't know there would be so few Christmases left for my mother and I. She died just three years after my grandmother, and my 18 year old childhood cat had been hit by a car and killed a year before. So I lost the three most important and closest relationships I had in a span of three years. That's a lot to cope with. My father is still alive at 82 now, but I'm not very close with him. And his family, well they'd just as soon shove me off a cliff than look at me.

So I've been pretty devastated by all this. I already have clinical depression, OCD and GAD and PAD. Had it since I was in my 20s. Maybe even before but I didn't realize it. But now it's 100 times worse and it has kept me isolated and agoraphobic. I'm on welfare and still live with my dad whose going to join the rest of my family not long from now. He has emphsyema. I really hate the idea of being left behind again to go on completely alone. I also SI and have been suicidal at times (but too much of a chicken and also curiosity keeps me here). I'm very curious.

Thanks for the suggestions about the rocks. I used to have quite the mineral and crystal collection. One of those things that got lost during my million moves. I don't even know of any mineral shops around here. And I don't drive anyway. Too much chance of a PA coming on and me causing an accident.

Another odd thing. A neighbor died last year from liver cancer. After he passed away his son asked us if there was anything we wanted of his. He brought us his dad's remaining cigarettes. I couldn't smoke them for a long time because they still felt like they belonged to someone else and I was stealing. Later I laid in bed one night thinking if there was anything I would have wanted. And I thought of his dreamcatcher (he was big into Indian stuff very cool) because of my nightmares. But I wasn't going to ask or anything like that. I even knew where I'd hang it.

The next day his son came over and when I got up my dad said they'd picked me out something from Raymond (the name of the neighbor who died) and that it was in the guest room and they hoped I'd like it.

I went into the bedroom and on the bed low and behold was the dream catcher. Of course I started to well up. I asked my dad, "How did they know?" It really touched me very deeply. Before Raymond died and had just been pronounced terminal I also had a dream about him. We were in this big amusement park, or fair or carnival. There were trams that were taking people away. Raymond and I were there and he said he had to get on the tram with the others. We were both kind of sad about knowing we wouldn't see each other again and we hugged and I cried and then he got on the tram with the other people and left with them. I wasn't allowed to get on and I knew that even though I wanted to, but I couldn't. I didn't even try. It was like, "this is the way things are and it's not bad, it's just sad that we get left behind." That's the feeling I had about not getting on the tram. Which also made me wonder if dying people do leave their bodies on and off before they leave permanently as Raymond was still very much alive when I had the dream.

I really feel this is where I'm supposed to be to find healing. I have this nagging that I have things to do but I can't do them because of my illnesses and it frustrates me to no end and makes me even more crazy.

I also can recall images from babyhood. My first real awareness that I know of came when I was a year old on my 1st birthday. Clear as a bell I can see it and even remember my thoughts. I thought that you only had one birthday in your whole life time and I was thinking that was so sad...lol. I got 2 stuffed animals, a grey cat and dog. I was making them fight but my mom said they should be friends. So they were. I named them Pepper and Smokey. I remember my little cup cake with the snoopy candle holder in it.  And many more memories from early childhood. People are often amazed I remember back that far. I maybe even be able to remember farther. It's always seemed very important for me to remember everything: feelings and experiences. And for the most part I do. I can picture a wall or something from home and I can touch it and actually feel the texture as if I really were touching it. Memories must be very powerful things.

I've had some other real trippy dreams but this is getting too long now.

Thanks for replying to me and I wish to learn more. Much much more.

Blessings,
S.