My daughter passed away 3 years ago, she was only 21, and had a horrible ordeal with her illness, leukemia and a bone marrow transplant that had many compilations.
My husband and son and I have all had contacts with her shortly after she passed, in dreams. They were very good contacts.  Over the past 3 years I have kept a dream journal of all the dreams I have and anyone else that knew her has shared with me, (I alone have had over 160 dreams) and any signs that we all get from her I have a sign journal too.  I have read over 50 books on subjects of death, afterlife, NDE, ADC, OBE, really anything to do with the afterlife…We have had 4 really great readings from some very well known mediums. I meditate; I took a mediumship course in hopes to learn this ability to contact my daughter myself. I have Bruce’s home study course, but have not gotten into it just yet. 
I just can’t handle that fact that I’ll never ever have this life again with my daughter, this is what just kills me. Sure.. when I die and am hopefully with her, I’ll understand things better, (maybe) and be able to handle it then.. but I’m here now and I can’t handle it… and I just don’t know what to believe anymore either. The more I get into the stuff, the more complicated it becomes to me. So.. the feeling I get is so overwhelming, I can only cry, and hope and pray that someday this will be over soon, and I’ll be out of my pain and suffering.

Aras, I am so sorry for your loss and I can feel your anguish at not being able to have your daughter with you any longer in this life.

It looks like you've done and read a lot to acquaint yourself with the afterlife and on contact and you should be very pleased with having contact from so many dreams. Sometimes we try too hard and that's what gets in the way.

I also have to warn you not to let your grief hold your daughter close to the earth plane as she obviously left according to her life plan and had completed her learning experiences here.  Our intense energies, such as grief, can hold souls back from their learning on the other side. Please don't take this wrong as I also have 2 daughters and I don't know if I could feel any different than you if one of them should pass over before me.

I send you Love and Light and prayers for your peace of mind. 

Much Love,
Mairlyn   

Aras, I feel for you.  But part of grief is moving forward with your life.  The best way we can honor our loved ones is by living our lives to the fullest so we can fulfill whatever our destiny is here.  Please don't get caught up in looking for signs because you will just drive yourself crazy.  They will come when they will come.

I also have taken up tai chi to help me with my grief.  I highly recommend it.

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This is something I have a lot of trouble with and I see it mentioned on here over and over.  I don't believe the dead are held back by anything we do here.  They are fine where they are --they're in a perfect world.  If they want us to stop grieving, I think it is for our sakes, not theirs.  I also think telling people these things makes them keep their grief inside and then they don't really deal with it because they're afraid if they grieve, they're hurting their loved one's progress.  The only way to get through grief is to acknowledge it, not keep it in.  Just my thoughts.

Hi Aras

I'm sad to hear about your separation from your daughter. My sister had a bone marrow transplant and has survived (only to develop other problems, some of them related to the chemo...). It was a horrible procedure and I think a bit of informed consent was lacking on what the process involved. My sister told our mom that she would not go through such a thing again. I'm sorry it was such a terrible experience, and being a parent, I imagine you suffered every time your daughter did. I can imagine that, having suffered so, it was so difficult when you did not achieve the result you hoped for.

My experiences of loss are a bit different from yours and from some of those who have posted here....I guess there are multiple ways to get to that place where you just don't want to go on. S let's just say, once, in a state of very great despair and desolation and other things, I somehow remembered something I had read at a prior time in some of the stuff from Pat Rodegast/Emmanuel. Emmanuel said something to the effect that, if you could stand in the light (should I write "Light"?) then anything could be healed.

Anything? That question had once interested me intellectually because there are some pretty horrible things that happen here. By the time I got to that statement emotionally, I thought, what do I have to lose?

But how do you stand in the light? or better, how do you stand in the light effectively? And that's a difficult question for me, because I am naturally one of those literal-minded persons who drives the creative ones bonkers.

This unfolded over a period of (very difficult) years but I was given a video tape of a woman who goes into trance and some entity speaks through her, and the trance personality explicitely addressed a question with the answer that you egt there by imagining it happening. OK after a while I put the two together and began to imagine I was standing in the Light. I also combined it with a meditation exercise I made up for myself.

Sometimes there are questions for which we don't have answers  and sometimes those are things that others don't understand. Maybe the Light always understands. I just know that doing this ..after a while...helped take away some of the bad feelings. I could sometimes correlate this. It works.

Sometimes it works better than other times. The one thing I have noticed about myself is that it works better when there is more intensity. I haven't learned how to build intensity when things are going well. I am more apt to feel intensity when I feel desperate.

Maybe that is a human trait and relates to why some of us appear to progress more when we face hardships. I really can't figure out how to focus my intent when I feel things are going OK to the same extent that I do when I feel scared or whatever (and if anyone has suggestions I would like to hear them). I don't think suffering is noble and I'd like to learn to progress better without it.

I don't know if everyone feels this way about the intensity. I had an aquaintance once who preferred quiet peaceful prayer and didn't understand why an African-American friend found singing long and lud in her church to be a spiritual experience.

Hmm maybe that is a little answer for me..maybe I should work up a song and dance thing (things I like) to raise the intensity instead of waiting for the desperate moments.

I haven't seen a good discussion of the pros and cons of quiet vs noisy prayer but I think you can pick which is right for you.

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Hi Polly, Marilyn pretty much stated it well but I'll try to clarify what I posted. the experience was so intense I thought I was drowning. I was sitting at work and I thought sure they would fire me for getting the tears all over the keyboard! but they all knew I had just lost someone. no way was I about to hold back that storm of emotion. still feel it there somewhere but the message I was getting was he wanted me to turn my life towards the idea that I was strong, that I could go on without him. some of this grief stuff is attached to a total kind of giving in, a sense of extreme helplessness to deal with the front we put up to people on the job, or just trying to make a peanut butter sandwich for your kid who's hungry. I had difficulty accepting that people loved me. Mike was there to assure me of his love, that he hadn't let me down by leaving, his leaving had not much to do with me and the guilt I carried for not telling him how much I loved him enough. he said it wasn't my fault, that he died this way. he died with those deleriums from alchohol. involved in such a grief issue as why couldn't I have talked him out of drinking were there to look at. when I realized at that moment I was in error to feel such strong guilt, that it made him feel bad too, some of the grief got shaken off, but not all of it. you're right, he was fine. it was me that wasn't doing well. he had to convince me he was fine. but it's not like a heaven they go to. they have work to do on that side too. I was heartened he had a guide with him, like a buddy, to show him around, to show the possibilities that he had not found here on this side. and one of those possibilities for soul evolvement was to come to me and support me in my grief through his love. there are so many spirits just trying to communicate with us that they are beside us always, checking in, trying to get through the veil here, trying to say what they couldn't or wouldn't say on Earth. Mike was really good at it. he learned to deliver boost right off the bat! that's an accomplishment!
  what a guy. what a guy. I still cry when I think of that special moment of tenderness. maybe it was his guide that told him he had some unfinished business with me to attend to before he could focus on other activities out there, but I tend to think it was his own idea to set me straight on how things were by releasing me from guilt so he could know he did his best and at least tried to get me unstuck from the heavy feelings. he did make me laugh. funny guy. love, alysia

Polly, I'm happy that you're beginning to understand what we were saying.  I want to share something with the group. I had a 28 year abusive marriage. When my husband died in 1987, I was finally free. But for months, I found myself in the whole grief process and I wondered about it because you wouldn't think that I would grieve. But I found out that it is a process that goes ahead to help the body, mind and soul to deal with the change.  Looking back on it now, I'm very glad that I did go through the grief process as I know that it helped to clear me to go on with my life and that was when my spiritual life stated and the rest is history as they say. LOL 

Love, Mairlyn 

Hi Ellen,

I don't know why I didn't think of this before, probably because I don't go there that often anymore.  Here's a link to a wonderful BBS where there is a place for grieving and memorial tributes for your loved ones.  This is all run by David and Judy Pierce. http://p197.ezboard.com/blillipierceandthebigtrip
They lost their daughter Lilli several years ago and I think that those who are grieving or who need help along the way, will find comfort there. 

With Love,
Mairlyn