I just shared this on the NDE forum as well as my blog, and thought I should share it here too.   


In 1998 a month before my 28th birthday, I was diagnosed with type 1, insulin-dependent diabetes. Learning to control and balance my blood sugar levels with injecting insulin, managing what I eat, and exercising has never been easy as every little change has an effect on either raising or lowering my levels.

One night in 2004 as I was going to bed, I had no idea that my blood sugar would be dropping dangerously low. It was around 10 pm that I went to bed. My kids were already sleeping in their rooms and my husband was out. I remember going to bed as usual, closing my eyes, and feeling sleep take over. The next thing I knew I floated out of my body. I was accustomed to having OBEs so at first I didn’t realize this was a near-death experience. I was instantly awake and I remember the feeling of leaving my body. My first thought was, “I’m having an out-of-body experience!!” The clarity of thoughts, emotions, and awareness was astounding and energizing. I felt amazing and so very excited.

I remember hovering supine over my physical body for several moments, reveling in how wonderful this feeling was to be out of my physical body. There were no other thoughts in my mind.

Then something caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes, just to my right and slightly above me. I turned and looked up at it. It was a beautiful bright light. It was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. I can’t imagine anything more perfect and beautiful. The first feeling I felt at seeing the light was how incredibly strongly I wanted to go toward it.

The light was coming into my bedroom as if through the ceiling, shining through a very bright circle of light. I had no other thoughts such as what it was, why this was happening, or how to reach that light. Just my desire of wanting it pulled me toward it. Even though I knew I was having an OBE and I was completely aware of my physical bedroom and my body below me, moving toward the light was all that mattered to me.

It was an effortless movement. I was now shooting toward the light, headfirst, arms at my side, feet below me, like a rocket. It felt like I was moving a million miles per hour. I remember thinking, “This is just like the tunnel that people who have died say they went through,” and still I had no thoughts about myself dying, no worries or wonderings about it. I was completely in the moment of my experience without thinking ahead or behind.

It really did have the appearance and feeling of being in a tunnel, which would have a 45-degree angle to it, not straight up, and I felt the feeling of walls encircling me. I couldn’t actually see any sides to the tunnel, but there was darkness around me, or perhaps the light above me was so bright that my surroundings appeared to be dark. But the light itself was always just above me at a 45-degree angle. And my head was tilted upward looking right at it. It didn’t hurt my eyes, and I never averted my gaze. I never took my eyes off the bright light, and all I could think was how much I wanted the light, how I couldn’t wait to get to the light. And happiness. I was feeling an extreme sense of happiness, joy, and excitement.

I also remember having no sense of time. I had no idea how long it was taking for me shooting through the tunnel up toward the light. It could have been 5 minutes, 5 years, or 5 hundred years. And to explain now why I think that was, I think it’s because while I was going through the tunnel I was completely only just in that moment. I think there simply was no such thing as time then, there, or in the light. Time didn’t matter or have any significance, as if it didn’t exist. I was in such a blissful state of being, that time had no meaning.

Then I was up at the top of the tunnel. I knew that where the tunnel had been was just to my right and below me, so that’s why I felt above it now. I don’t know if I was “in” the light but where I was didn’t appear that way, it just appeared normal. But then, coming toward me from my left was in intense bright light that defined itself into millions of rays of color as it came closer, stopping just next to me, and taking on the appearance of a close friend of mine who was as far as I knew still alive. His face came into view through the colored light rays, and he was smiling at me and giving me the highest, purest feeling of love. And then I noticed that I was radiating the same colored light rays of energy and love to him. I hadn’t noticed this was what I was made of until I saw it in my friend. His face looked like him but the rest of his “body” was energy made up of these beams of colors and light. I remember marveling at the beauty of it and wondering why we don’t have this many colors in the physical world.

We were communicating through thought energy, where our energy was transmitting the communication instantaneously, where hours and hours of conversation took place in moments, and I wouldn’t be able to put it into words. But one thing did stand out. He was giving me a gift. It manifested as a little tiny wrapped package that I was now holding in my hands. It was so pretty. When I looked at it in my hands my thoughts turned to thinking how pretty it was and that I couldn’t wait to open it to see what was inside. My friend lovingly laughed a little, saying that’s not the gift, this moment was the gift. His gift to me was him being here. He had heard I was here and he wanted to join me here. I didn’t really understand. I didn’t know how he knew I was here, or how he was able to be here too.

I looked out into the expansion that lay on the other side of the border on which my friend and I were standing. I was so happy here. I knew that I had been here before many times although I couldn’t remember any one particular time. It was just a feeling so familiar, like coming home. There was distinctly a border that I was standing on. The tunnel and where the light had been were to my right. My friend was to my left. Just behind me and below me was my bedroom and the physical world. The expansion before me was Everything Else. I knew that one step backward would put me back in the physical world and that one step forward would put me in the Everything Else. And I also knew that if I took that step forward it would mean not returning to my physical body, not finishing my life, and not raising my children. I remember thinking about that for a moment, and then deciding that I was ok with it. I knew that the passing of my children’s lives would only feel like about 5 minutes to me here, and then my kids would be with me. I knew without a doubt that I would see them again, that they would be here with me.

The Everything Else literally was everything. I knew that within it, that anything I could ever feel, or desire, or think of would be accessible to me there. I could do anything, see anyone, experience anything. I knew I had complete access and freedom there. I remember feeling extraordinarily happy just knowing that that expansion that lay before was all mine. It was all Me. And it went on forever. It was endless. It was the entirety of my being, and it was mine to have and to explore.

So my mind was made up. I decided to stay. Everything about this moment was so perfect. My friend greeting me here, his special gift to me, the beautiful colored rays of light and energy, and the feeling of pure unconditional love was so perfect. Knowing that I would be entering my Home with just one step was everything I wanted. I wanted nothing else but to enter my home.

My thought energy reply to my friend was, “I never want to leave.” And it was at that moment, as if I’d said something wrong, that I heard The Voice say, “Go back to the physical.”

What I call The Voice is an experience I had many times in my life of something that speaks to me like a real physical voice, giving me guidance and telling me things that I have no way of knowing. I had come to know it as one of the ways in which my psychic ability works in giving me guidance from my higher self. Here was The Voice now, here, in this place. I had no idea that anyone else was here with us until I heard it speaking.

When it spoke I was startled, and I turned to look. The sound of The Voice came from my right and slightly behind me, exactly where the entrance to the tunnel was. But I saw nothing. It’s always wonderful and incredible to hear The Voice but I was adamant that I was definitely not going back! I meant no disrespect to The Voice, who I’d always known and trusted as my Guidance, but I knew that this was my home and it just didn’t make any sense for me to go back. I felt I shouldn’t have to leave.

I turned back to my friend who was still looking at me, smiling, and beaming love energy at me. I remember thinking there was no way I was ever going to leave this place. I was here now, why go back? I had no intention of leaving. I was so happy at this moment that I couldn’t even imagine leaving.

I looked at my little gift still in my hands and I pressed it tightly to my chest. My friend gently said to me, “You can’t take it with you.”

The Voice said again, “Go back to the physical”. In that moment I realized that it wasn’t telling me what to do, it was telling me what was going to happen.

Suddenly I was being pulled backward so swiftly and with such force that there was nothing I could do to stop it. Going back wasn’t the same as being pulled toward the light. I wasn’t happy at all. I was trying to hold on to make myself stay there, to resist this force pulling me backward. All I could see was the colored light rays of my friend becoming narrower and smaller, and creating the same tunnel effect but this time the journey was nearly immediate. I felt myself thrust back into my physical body.

I was now lying in bed, still in the same supine position, lying on my back. My eyes were open. My bedroom was dark. There was no tunnel and no light. I couldn’t see my Home anymore. There was just the ceiling of my bedroom. I felt like I was going to cry, but I was so angry. I remember thinking, “That’s not fair! I didn’t want to come back! That was my home. My home. Why did you bring me there and let me see it but then make me come back? That’s not fair.” I lied there “trying” to make myself leave my body again but of course I couldn’t do it.

And then I realized my left arm was numb. I realized my blood sugar was low. I thought, “Was that what made me leave my body? Is that why they made me come back? I’ll just lie here then. I’m not going to get up and take care of my body. I’ll just lie here until I die again!” I remember feeling so angry that it was as if I were a child having a temper tantrum. But I knew it wasn’t going to work.

Why had I gone to that place? Was I meant to die? Was it an accident? Why was I sent back? Why didn’t I have a choice to stay?

When I did get out of bed and test, my blood sugar level was 63. It must have dropped low enough to give me this near-death experience but then must have come up enough again for me to still be alive. But is that what sent me back to my body? Or was it the being of The Voice that made me come back? And who is The Voice?

To this day of course I still have no idea why I wasn’t allowed to stay or why I was sent back. But as time went on from that experience I do remember feeling grateful for still being alive, still getting to be with my children. I eventually divorced my husband after having a traumatic and difficult marriage but life improved, and there have been many times where I’ve consciously given thanks for being sent back because I would have missed so much, not only so many life experiences but also so much of my own spiritual growth. I’m definitely happy that I came back.

And in thinking about it now, I’m also happy that I have full memory of my experience there. I really do believe that I have had several trips there but never not crossed the border. I can’t remember them. Maybe they were accidents, or maybe they were anomalies because I’ve had so many out-of-body experiences throughout my life. And because my friend (who to this day is still physically alive) was able to be there in spirit with me on that border, it also proves to me that I must have visited there before. We must be able to! Him coming there by choice, to greet me, as a gift to me…this is something so meaningful yet I’m sure I still don’t fully understand its implications. I did tell my friend about it but he had no memory of it. He believed me and he wished he could remember.

Part of me wishes I had all the answers but it’s also ok that I don’t, because knowing what I know now due to my NDE gives me so much comfort. All those questions I have are just curiosities.

What’s really important is that my Home is going to be there when I really do die and leave this physical place for good. And now I know that The Voice who has always guided me and given me advice about things I couldn’t possibly know is still there guiding me in the afterlife. Since this experience I’ve had many experiences of visits from loved ones who had died, so I know that we will always be connected with our loved ones. I imagine that if I had taken a step forward off the border that my deceased loved ones would have been there waiting for me. If it had really been my time to die they would have been there.

Because The Voice of my Guidance has always known what’s best for me, and because it told me, “Go back to the physical”, I know that I can feel comfort in trusting that that was what was best for me. Even though I’ve already made peace within myself about having been forced to come back, it’s still so very comforting to know and realize that my Guidance knows what’s best for me and is always looking out for me, even when I don’t know it’s there.

I will never forget how incredibly surprised I was that it was there. I had no knowledge it was there, not until it spoke and wanted me to know its presence. That must mean that my Guidance is always here with me, even when I can’t perceive it! I think that is one of the most reassuring and amazing things about this experience. We really are never alone!

Thanks for your reply T'ressa.  It feels good to hear that you get comfort from it.  I get comfort from it too.  Thinking about it can put things into perspective real quick.  It doesn't mean I don't have to face hardships here, but it helps me face them with a more confident attitude. 

It's interesting that you say you've been near death several times.  I know that you've had a lot of remarkable experiences.  I think these are common threads for people like us.  I remember several experiences where I was in a position of being near death, if things had not suddenly worked out in my favor.  One was when I rolled off of a changing table at about 6 months old and my brother happened to walk into the room right at that moment and catch me.  He was 4.  Another was when I was choking at the age of 2, and my mom was able to clear my throat.  And another was when I was about 5 or 6 during swimming lessons, and I went into the deep end alone because I wanted my swim teacher to pay attention to me.  I remember him pulling me up and being very angry at me because I should have known better.  The last thing I remember before going under was thinking that this was such a bad idea, LOL. 

There was also the time my lungs were filled with blood from a tumor, and my son was a baby and he cried and woke me up.  They said I would have died in my sleep had I gone another hour.  Now that I'm thinking about them I remember another time when I was married, and it was winter.  My husband was driving.  A garbage truck was sliding on the ice and was about to T-bone right into my door.  My husband freaked out and slammed on the brakes instead of trying to get us out of the way, but luckily the driver magically stopped literally an inch from hitting our car.  The look on his face told me he was just as surprised as I was that he didn't hit us. 

I also remember being pregnant with my daughter.  My husband and I and our son went for a walk near a waterfall.  I got too close to the river and slipped on wet rocks.  A woman grabbed my arm and pulled me back just before I would have fallen in.  I didn't see the signs that warned of deaths happening every year due to people slipping into the river. 

So these weren't where I was dying, but I was very lucky in them.  I really do feel that I'm often guided and/or protected in my life.

Are these the kinds of experiences you've had, where something bad would have happened if not for someone intervening right at the right time?

Hi, yes it’s what I wanted.  I’m always interested to hear these kinds of stories first hand. These kinds of conversations are always interesting. 

I didn’t know anyone could be overdosed on ether!  I remember when I was getting the numbing shot in my spine for giving birth that they accidentally gave me too much.  It even made the doctor a little nervous which of course made me extremely nervous but it turned out to be ok.  And at 17 while having my wisdom teeth pulled I stopped breathing while under anesthesia.  It’s just so scary any time you need to go in for a procedure or surgery because something can always go wrong. 

What did you start seeing of the other side while in the hospital after having your boys?  Was there a message or a reason? 

Hey T'ressa, I want anything.  I just love hearing about other people's experiences and how their perception works and what they think and believe.  It's the only way to learn more and expand myself. 

There's a couple reasons.  One is, if I get someone talking about their own experiences and beliefs, it shows me more about who they are.  This works better in person of course.  It also helps me to formulate my own terminology and frame of reference.  There's a lot of stuff in my head about that, so that's probably another topic altogether. 

Another reason is that every once in a while something I hear or read sparks some kind of curiosity in me which opens up all kinds of "doors" even when I'm not realizing it.  I know I've probably mentioned this one before, but the best example was when a popular OBE person online sent me an email about "nature spirits" such as fairies and whatnot.  All kinds.  I guess trees have spirits and plants, etc.  Well I didn't buy it.  It wasn't my thing at all.  I totally couldn't have cared less about that topic.

I think it was the next morning that this happened, LOL.  I was out in my yard feeding the squirrels.  I had built a contraption for them, hung it on the fence, so there I was putting food out, when I felt a strong presence right next to my head.  There was nothing there but a tree.  I heard rustling as if the leaves were moving but nothing was moving at all.  It was a small young tree, quiet easy to see nothing was in the tree.  Then I saw with my nonphysical vision some energy, and I could feel it's presence, as if someone were staring right in my face.  And by some sense of knowing I felt it was getting ready to come at me.  So I literally ducked my head down to avoid it, but it hit me on the top of my head and zoomed off.  Where it touched me felt like extremely freezing cold but it didn't hurt.  It was the weirdest thing ever.  I really think something was going out of its way to prove to me that there's a lot I don't know about and I need to be more opened minded.  Now I'm constantly being careful what I say and think without really being aware of what I might be "inviting" if I do. 

Maybe why you can't see the spirits directly on is because you're not seeing them with your physical vision anyway, so maybe it helps you focus your nonphysical vision if it's not direct.  I don't know, it's just a theory.  I think we generally expect to "see" with our eyes whether it's physical or nonphysical.  I know that I've definitely seen nonphysical things with what I thought was normal physical eyesight at first.  For instance, one of the times my dad came to visit me when I was in my kitchen making a sandwich, it made me realize this.  My eyes were open and looking at what I was doing, yet I could "see" my dad's spirit in my mind even though I wasn't actually seeing anything.  It's very hard to figure out how to explain.  The best I can do is call it "seeing as knowing".  So when I realized dad was visiting me and I stopped and stood still and didn't want to move my eyes or anything, because I wanted to "take it all in" without messing it up, you know what I mean? 

So that's why I think it's not really seeing with the eyes.  It's coming into your awareness as a type of "seeing" but it's so different from eye vision.

Well sorry for rambling there. 

I think hospitals are probably one of the most active places for spirits!  They can easily find you because your energy stands out.  You're probably brighter or have a different look or color to your aura. 

Hi T'ressa,

On my own threads I don’t mind if responses change topic a little as long as it’s an appropriate and natural flow of conversation.  The stay on topic” rule was primarily made for back when people were purposely antagonizing each other with attacks and arguing under the guise of “conversation”.  That takes the nature of people’s responses away from the intention of the original post.  For a long time people just posted on this site just to argue!!  As we can all see, all of those people left.

But yeah, starting a new thread on the topic of how we perceive, how we become aware of our talents, and our experiences and what we've learned about them is a great idea.  I’ll start one!!

Recoverer 2 wrote on Nov 11^th, 2019 at 2:44pm:


Thank you.  Yes, not enough words to truly describe it.

Recoverer 2 wrote on Nov 12^th, 2019 at 7:49pm:


No, I never got that feeling or anything related to that. 

My opinion is that we feel differently about things depending on which perspective we're in at the moment.

I can't possibly find the answer to your question, not for everybody.  I can only answer for myself. 

And I can't experience my NDE state again.  I can remember everything about it, but I can't just "go there" again at will.

What is it you're looking for?  You want to know if in the end everything's going to work out wonderfully for everybody?  In the end of what?  What do you consider the end?  And what do you consider "wonderfully?"  These are rhetorical questions.  You can see why I'm confused about your question.

Recoverer 2 wrote on Nov 12^th, 2019 at 8:25pm:


Well I can only speak from my own experience, and I think I can answer your question quite simply by saying that while I was "there" I really didn't give much of a hoot about anything down "here".  The state of being I was in wasn't worried about anything here.  Why?  Because why should I be?  The difference in perspective is so enormous I can't really explain it to you in a way that makes sense. 

Also, I was "there" for like 2 seconds of time here.  So it's not like I got to experience much, let alone go through any new growth there. 

About how time exists and is experienced, it's all a matter of perspective.  So while we are here, yes it's real.  It matters, but it matters here.  While we're not here, it doesn't matter. 

As for everything working out for the best, I'd have to say who's best?  It works out how it works out.  The power you have is right now.  You can't just sit back and tell yourself, "Well everything will work out for the best after I'm dead, so there's no need for me to be a conscious participant in anything here, now."   We all create all the time. 

I hear what you’re saying. 

How long does it take for all souls to reach that?  I have no idea.  But when I die, I don’t know where and “when” I’ll be in respect to all those souls. 

But you joked that I was double-talking.  Ok, so I’ll be more broad.  I would imagine that all souls reaching that idea of for the best is a byproduct of the whole reason why any of us are here.  We’re here to have experiences, to feel, to learn, to grow, and even beyond death we are still living, still learning, and still growing.  I would imagine that it is within each of us to do that, and I believe we are helped and guided too.  I would imagine that the more we learn and grow and advance, the closer to that bliss you’re talking about.  I would think it’s an inevitable likelihood. 

Now, I guess it could be that some souls “take forever” to get there, like if we had to look at it from our perspective of time, it would seem like it never happens for some.  But I can’t say that either way I know for sure what happens.  I never really thought about that. 

For me in my NDE, I didn’t feel like, “Oh good, I’m finally home.  It’s all over.”  I had no sense of anything like that.  It just felt like this part of me was continuing on, about to go on a big adventure.  I had no idea what was in store for me or what I’d learn or how I’d grow or change.  But I assumed this was just me moving on but now from a different perspective.  I still felt like me.  I don’t know what, if anything, about how I felt or thought would change if I had stepped off that border. 

I assume that since I didn’t step off the border, there’s a lot that I wasn’t aware of.  Had I stepped forward I might have had a different perspective from that while on the border.  Maybe I would have reached an even higher perspective.  I definitely felt like there was so much to do, so many possibilities, endless possibilities, and that I had “all the time in the world” to do whatever I wanted.  Again, that’s just what I felt.  I guess I don’t actually know.