Lights of Love wrote on Mar 2nd, 2014 at 9:07pm:Justin,
Lets not go there. I remember you being in a bad place at one time as well.
Kathy
Yes, Kathy, and in a way it proves my point. I would question how much that course was helping me at the time, because the when you are referring to was when i was just starting to question and trying to disentangle myself from that course,
which i had previously invested a lot of energy and time into. It took me awhile to disentangle myself from the effects of the subconscious programming i allowed to happen. For awhile after, i thought and talked a lot about ego even though i had rejected that "teaching".
While i've forgiven myself, i still remember and feel bad for what i said to you around that time. However hurtful and inaccurate what i said was, i was still addressing an actual experience, not wildly accusing you of some severely negative thing out of the blue just because i started to question a book you liked, which is what happened with me and that other person. Really think about that, and how it might feel to have someone say that you are a raper of women because you were honest with them about a book they got you into?
But, there was a lot more than that course and that friendship going south, going on at the time. I had just been booted out of a forum, wherein most the people there i thought were my friends. I was also getting different answers or reasons for my banishment. I had some people telling me that what i said to Leila was perfectly appropriate and accurate, though a bit tough love, i had others tell me i was getting kicked out not because of that but because i was posting in a certain section of the forum, and still different reasons from others, and all the while i felt that this "friend" had been talking behind my back with others.
It was upsetting to me at the time, and i spoke to you out of hurt and anger then. Banishment is kind of a big thing with my karmic history and testing (putting it very mildly). I also had my father, who is an alcoholic, move in to our place around that time. It was extremely stressful because he was drinking and acting very irrational and negative because he was being influenced by unfriendly beings.
So yes, i was very uncentered around that time, and it showed and showed strongly. But, i think perhaps i was dealing with more overtly stressful and uncentereing circumstances at the time than the friend who accused me of extremely negative and untruthful things, because i questioned a teaching they liked. However, the one thing we had in common at the time was that
damn course as Helen herself later referred to it.
Also, i don't try to hide my negative, shadow side. I'm about as honest, open and sincere a person you will ever meet. What you see, is what you get with me. I say what i think and feel out in the open, even to the detriment of my public image at times. I have little concern with being perceived as "spiritual" by others according to the mainstream image of same.