BM,

By "albeit with new friend" do you mean mortal, organic beings-the humans I am forced to interact with or inorganic beings?

The former I am disgusted with. The latter, though I have, on occastion, felt their presence at night in the woods or on the water (I am a kayaker), are painfully elusive.

The following question is not specific to self-termination, but it is a serious problem for me...

I can mentally accept that we humans are actually celestial beings forced or willingly undergoing the human experience. What I can't accept is how celestial beings can be so utterly stupid and self-destructive (on the whole, and, often, individually).

Do we celestial beings swallow some kind of "dumbass, selfish, now off to ruin most good terrestrial things" pill when we agree to the time-space continuum and existence on the blue planet?

I live in a rural setting. Except for the homicidal rapist bit, I literally have to deal with people who are much like the locals in the film "Deliverance."

I am not exaggerating. Simply going into town to buy groceries, well, when I return, I scrape the filth of "civilization" off my boot heel before I open my gate and step foot onto my green acre.

Before stepping onto the good, clean dirt.

At least the rattlesnakes back in my wood are honest and direct-in contrast to the homo sapiens in town.

That is how bad it is for me...

How did this happen? What went wrong here on the blue planet?

Were we supposed to experience this level of misery? I am 50 and I can CLEARLY see that we have, in large part, socially and morally regressed since my youth.

But I do feel that I am one of the poisoned ones. Simply being exposed to the mental/spiritual detritus infects me.

My search for guides has, so far, been unsuccessful. I would welcome a being who can offer me a "being mask"-like a gas mask) for my true self.

As an insomniac, I am dependent on medication to maintain any semblance of a "normal" daily routine (sleep at night, wake in morn). Thus any sleep experiences normally available are either chemically exlcuded or or buried in a haze.

I don't like medication. I don't feel that lack of Xanax (or valium, or Lexapro, or whatever) in my system is the problem.

Such medications are like cauterizing a wound. The sealing heat holds the blood in and prevents the entry of harmful microbes. But such treatment is a response to injury.  Avoiding or preventing injury is the ideal situation.

I have shaved off many extremes in my life. I am not fully there yet, but I do, in many ways, live "...a hard, simple life..." as recommended by Juan Matus.

I now have a working well, but until recently hand carried every drop of water I consumed. Drinking, cooking, bathing. Such work and time consuming activities did help, but a single conversation with a bipedal fool pulls me back into the mess, if just a bit.

But the bit grows. Like dropping black ink onto fuzzy paper, the dark intrusion quickly spreads.

I do pursue different practices. I spend far more time with animals than humans. This is somewhat better, but the pointless violence in the animal world (e.g. cats killing but not devouring) still fails to satisfy.

Sorry for the verbosity. I am on a caffeine binge (coffee plus caff pills) just to wake up.

I do have a plan to remove myself from this geographical area and the stilted culture and perspectives that are pervasive here.

It is an intellectual, professional plan, to be clear. But it takes time (a few months, at minimum) and the situation is growing worse.

I haven't given up. So, really, don't be overly concerned.

Hmmm,

A nonconformist? That is a new moniker for me. Actually, I am quite conservative and traditional.

I hope to move to the Pacific Northwest this spring.

I disagree with you about sexual energy necesssarily being equivalent to the dumbass pill I mentioned.

Although many humans do waste their sexual energy-I certainly did in my youth-not everyone is so wasteful or unappreciative.

I have known many happily married couples who have channeled their innate energy into part of their committment to each other.

I agree about joys in the world. It has been some time, but I have experienced great joy and contentment.

Most such times were, however, on the water or in the woods and were usually time spent alone or with four-legged companions.

I am fortunate to observe joy. I spend some time with a 110lb dog who writhes in joy from a good belly scratch. I am trying to place an abandoned dog who recently came to stay with me.

This new dog, this simple mutt; he jumps for joy just to see me. I mean he literally leaps into the air when I approach him-he is so happy to be loved and have a home.

He has moments of complete joy. It is enough for now to dwell on the periphery of happiness.

I anticipate experiencing happiness again.

I think the last few years I've spent in a specific rural area have been the worst example of bad adult behavior I've seen since I lived in a dangerous inner city neighborhood in the Midwest.

I believe that any move from this area will be beneficial. I hope to end up in the woods, but just a couple of hours drive from an urban center where I can interact with people with interests similar to mine.

I may not have read your post correctly, but I dont believe you replied to my question...

...if, as the work of Monroe and others state, that we humans really are celestial beings...

...don't you find the totality of human behavior to be utterly inconsistent with any type of advanced being?

I apply this to myself. Yes, I'm respected in my work, certain people like me, blah blah blah.

I'm full of contradictions and still, at 50, make stupid mistakes in life.

To look in the mirror and think that this form is just an expression of a divine purpose, well, how then can I be so messed up?

Much of my reading states that we have simply forgotten who and what we are. I can understand being forgetful.

I simply can't understand an entire planet of us acting so badly.

The Toltecs say that "a predator has come from the depths of the cosmos to prey upon us" and has given us the mind we use-that it is the "predator's installation" in our minds that causes all this mess.

That is a very interesting and compelling perspective.

Your post contains the text "spiraling out." Is that general wording or a reference to a song lyric?

I do have a plan to relocate, change the type of people I associate with and change careers.

I love your description of the loves in your life, your dogs.

You said, "I simply can't understand an entire planet of us acting so badly."

Does "a planet of people" act badly, or are there individuals who don't understand their choices, groups who don't have access to resources needed to change their circumstances, people who have not been raised to witness and participate in loving behaviors? Are there many people "acting badly" or are there many people who do good quietly, who suffer silently, who choose a humble life instead of a life of leadership and action?

The people in this world who seek an audience are sometimes bamboozled, sometimes the bamboozlers... to use a humorous word.

Although you are 50, I think you realize that most of those we call adults in this world are still children in many respects. We don't actually live very long, as humans. Once we have stored a lifetime of memories, and had time to sort through them, we realize that we could have made different choices in our lives, but it has all sifted through our fingers.

When I was young I was often depressed and my main goal in life was to learn how to be happy. If someone asked me, and they did, what was my definition of success, I then replied, happiness.

It sounds like your dogs know more about happiness than our human society understands.

We are each others' happiness, if we only knew it. The moments when we know it are real wisdom.

NMM wrote on Jan 5^th, 2013 at 2:00am:

ISEE,
Yes, the dogs bring me pleasure. 

I don't view them as "my dogs." They are living beings who choose to be with me.

Animals are often impeccable. I mean impeccable in the Toltec sense, not the traditional description. Animals are pure and direct.

I didn't mean to give the impression that I believed every human to be repulsive. Far from it.

I know a few good people now. I have known many in the past. I hope to know many more in the future.



BM
Yes, Maine and the area are very nice. I am reclusive by nature, however, and the northeast has too many people for me.

I have lived and worked in Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Nashville, Sacramento, and Anchorage. I enjoy visiting large cities now, but I need to live in a rural setting.

My anticipation of happiness?

I am changing careers. I was involved in business technology and communications until Y2k and have been working in the Light Construction industry since then.

I don't want to divulge a great deal of personal information about myself. My new career? Well, think along the lines of:

* a consulting engineer
* a product developer
* a technical writer

None of those descriptions provides a singular view of my new career, but I think you understand the direction I am pursuing.

I have had a flexible work schedule in my remodeling business for several years. I need to have the flexibility in my schedule and personal life to work the strange hours my insomnia forces upon me.

I have some good things now. I work 2-3 days per week in construction and the remainder of my time is spent in the woods (I am a blowgun hunter) and in my design studio.

I haven't been on the water in a while, but I am a kayaker.

I have recently begun experimenting with the siesta concept. I take naps and have short sleeping sessions in a hammock.

I seem to be able to rise and function on a few hours sleep much better when suspended than when in bed.

The downside? I like it cold when I sleep-ice cold. My bedroom is unheated and I usually have the window open. I place a mummy style sleeping bag inside a larger bag, bundle up and, eventually, sleep quite deeply.

Waking up, now that is another matter altogether...

...just getting 3-5 hours of sleep per night. That's rough, man.

I can't open the windows in the studio. I have houseplants and such and the studio needs to be at least marginally warm at all times.

Quote:

Allright daddy, I know it's late, was just talking to someone new to the neighborhood.

NMM,
Best wishes with your plans.

We all do foolish things. Attempting suicide Can be just one more. SHSS, your argument feels to me to be along the lines of, well, you might as well do it right if you're going to do it. But I get what you're saying, and I hear the compassion in it.

If you're going to talk about a person "blowing their head off", I can speak to that. Having attempted a location/retrieval of a person who committed such a suicide and finding that person in a "hospital" of sorts, being lovingly tended and able to show me something I would not have known otherwise, I have no reason to believe that it is anything but one more way to exit. However, it leaves a lot of pain and unanswered questions for those left behind, aside from a possible better future cut short here.

Having experienced a suicidal depression and having been lucky enough to improve my health and my personal boundaries and my support system (not a fast process), I think it is kind of like driving your car too fast. Likely to end badly for yourself and others. But, that's my experience.

"Suicide" is a word. It's a label. People come in all shapes and sizes and so do their transitions into an afterlife.

If it is an emotional reaction to internal pain and suffering, well, that can be changed. If people can do better, they do, given the right resources.

But, the retrieval I participated in, which wasn't a "retrieval" because the person was "okay" already, where they were in the afterlife, showed me that a suicide isn't necessarily the end of the story. I don't know what that person experienced in his "hospital" setting, as I didn't talk to him personally in the way we do here. More like, the message was that if you are trying to "end it all" that's not gonna happen. Just not gonna happen.

   The "loosh" rote that Monroe received was still somewhat in his earlier days where he was working out a lot of his own issues, imbalances, misconceptions, etc. It doesn't seem that Bob then, completely understood or properly interpreted that rote.

  That author seems to further misinterpret an already misinterpreted message. 

  Perhaps the original "Loosh" ROTE was about cultivating and growing in Love, and the controllers or what not, are simply our Expanded selves who send parts of themselves into this stream of info known as the physical Earth for specific purposes of growing, expanding, learning, and remembering?

  Re: suicide, seems to depend on the situation and individual involved as to "where" they end up and how long they are there.  Here's the thing, deep down, in almost every one of us at our core, we have a part of ourselves that knows what is constructive or not so.  There is often a certain amount of work and planning on part of many that go into working on an individuals incarnation plans.  Bodies themselves may be a dime a dozen, but there are many more Consciousnesses than bodies that exist that want part of the action here. 

    You don't exist in a vacuum, your life and life plan affects and involves others and even the Whole to some extent.  In a sense, when you ask for or agree to an inphysical life, there is a sort of contract involved and part of that unwritten, but not unspoken contract is to do the best with what you got and to not end your life before the best exit times as planned out by a committee of your own expanded self and various levels of "guidance". 

  There are always exceptions to the rule, like in virtually every area, but that is the general rule of thumb.  Regardless of belief systems or not, deep down in that core part of ourselves, there often is a feeling of having "missed the mark" when we suicide because of it's effects on others and their life plans. It's not necessarily a matter of limited beliefs keeping one stuck, but the essence of who and what we are at a being level and the law that is built into all reality, like attracts and begets like. 

   I had a self in another inphysical life commit suicide, and that rash and limited choice and action has reverberated throughout lifetimes and has been a hindrance and stumbling block to overcome in a number of lifetimes.  How so, well for one, an inclination that when things got challenging that it was better and easier to just leave and depressive feelings in general.  It's taken a lot to get over and in at least a few lifetimes that i know of.