http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/28/my-faith-what-people-talk-about-before-...

A very inspiring essay.  The last 2-3 paragraphs state some ideas I've been thinking about myself.


M

Hi Matthew,

I missed this when you posted it but saw it today. I read the article a couple of times, but was unable to make it through it without tears.

I've been thinking about my grandmother quite a bit lately. I wish she were here to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I wish I had a relationship with my MIL because despite how she felt about me, I loved her. I sincerely appreciated that she loved our children in spite of her feelings toward me. For that, I am truly grateful. I miss my parents every day of my life. I want a mom and a dad who are proud of me and love me like they are proud and love my siblings. I know it's all wishful thinking though and I try to come to terms with it as much as I can.

Many years ago (at least 20), I called my parents' house and my mother answered. I asked her to give me five minutes of her time (She has a rage problem and is prone to slamming the phone down on me). She said "Okay" and I said "Thank you." I then proceeded to tell her that I was calling because I wanted her to know I loved her very much. I realize that tomorrow is not promised and life is fragile and I wanted her to know, regardless of how she felt about me and influenced the rest of the family to feel about me, that I love her. I am not sure what I expected to gain from that, if anything (I don't have any conscious awareness of trying to achieve anything other than saying that). There was a few seconds silence and she replied "Who told you to say that to me?!?!? You are too (expletive) stupid to have a thought like that on your own, (expletive)." I can't say that I was terribly shocked by her outburst since I had been prone to them my entire life, but I did feel a bit deflated. It's been almost a quarter century and her hatred toward me has just intensified.

Yet, I still find myself sitting here thinking about my MIL's passing and knowing my parents aren't that much younger than she was. One day, they will be gone or I will be gone and all this time, all these moments, all these opportunities are being lost. I especially grieve the loss of loving grandparents for my children. They are two of the sweetest, funniest, happiest children and the only reason their grandparents don't engage with them is because of me. They are too young to understand right now, but I think I'll probably take the blame when the time comes for them to ask about my side of the family. I hate lying, but I don't want them to ever know they weren't loved simply because they are a part of me. They don't deserve that.

I guess that was a very long way of saying "Thanks for sharing this article." I have had the privilege of working in a nursing home and I have talked to many people in the last stages of life. It's definitely a excellent lesson in life and love. I hope and pray the professor's students walked away with a better lesson than he seemed to receive.

Kind regards,
mj