Just a quick potted history of me and why I'm here - I have been reading for a long time and have posted before but can't for the life of me work out what email address I used!

I've been terrified of death since I was about 4. For some reason my world view at that point was that we all went to some Egyptian-type afterlife (think I watched a lot of TV documentaries!) - then my grandmother died. My mum, understandably upset, told me that death was like sleep except you don't dream and never wake up - I think you can see where the terror came from. Since then I have been periodically plunged into fits of horrible depression over this and have tried (unsuccessfully) to find some kind of answers that woudl bring me some peace. It's really the oblivion/ cessation of consciousness that terrifies me. I must say I am astounded at some of the things people say in response to this - "It happens to everyone so it must be okay", "It won;t matter cos you won;t know about it" and my favourite "Don;t be so selfish!"

My latest bout of depression was bought on by having to go for a pre-anaesthetic assessment at the hospital for a routine procedure - trying to explain my terror of death (and consequently enforced unconsciousness) didn't go down very well...

I've had a few minor experiences but nothing I've been able to build on. I popped out of the top of my head once when passed out with friends after a heavy weekend - not the most desirable way to induce such an experience. I was so shock I exclaimed a rude word, promptly shot back in and woke up! I've had one experience of lucid dreaming but again was so excited I woke myself up! I often know in dreams that I am dreaming but can't really control them. I saw my husband in a mirror after he died, but put that down to stress/ shock/ something 'rational' (although it took me a while to look in a mirror again).

So, at age 43 I find myself still having the same terror and unanswered questions I had at age 4 - it has really blighted my life and prevented me a lot of the time from really enjoying being alive (which I do!). I'm currently trying to complete a PhD in cognitive psychology, so find some of the scientific aspects of this interesting/ infuriating.

Hi Dave,

My PhD research is relatively boring (well, to anyone that isn't me!), looking at multitasking. I still wonder if I should have taken up the opportunity to do one in alien abduction with Chris French, who is one of the more prominent 'anomalous psychologists' in the UK - they don't call it parapsychology any more  I had actually gone to see someone about a far more mundane subject but she was sick so I ended up talking to this guy instead - maybe someone was trying to tell me something as that was my reason for getting into psychology in the first place 

Yes that is true - there is a definite default setting of "it's all in your mind". Charles T Tart is a notable exception - reading one of his books is what got me interested in the topic in the first place.

Hi Lakeman,

I think your comment that the goal is an illusion is spot on - for the most part I would agree that I am curious and the terror tends to surface now and again - certainly not there all the time (thank goodness). My trouble is that when I feel fine I throw myself into a materialist way of thinking and ignore my curiosity most of the time, but I am really going to try and avoid that if I can.

Hello Pink-fluff:

Related to what Lakeman said, sometimes we take on a false way of thinking so we can see what it is about,  decide we don't like it and then dispense with it. This is challenging way in which our souls become wiser.

I've found that such thought patterns seem true only when we think according to them. When we are able to separate ourselves from their influence we can see how false they are.

See their falseness anyway you can, both intellectually and according to how you feel about them when you are free from them.

Fear-based beliefs that we pick up as children can be difficult to deal with no matter how irrational they are because they operate according to their own false way of thinking and don't allow us to consider other possibilities when we allow them to have a limiting affect.

I once watched a show that had a lady who was terrified of people who wore cartoon-based animal costumes. Why? Because when she was a child she was home alone one day and a man broke into her house while she was watching a show that had people who wore cartoon-based animal costumes. Therefore, her mind associated such people with the fear she felt as a child when a man broke into her house.

When we have such a thought pattern we might be afraid to completely deal with it no matter how irrational it is because we are afraid to deal with the fear. What's helped me when it comes to dealing with my own fears is realizing that the feeling of fear itself can't cause that which is feared to become a reality. For example, I used to be afraid of being possessed (this happened after I saw the Exorcist). I eventually realized that I won't become possessed.  I partly realized this by dealing with unfriendly spirits and seeing that they can't force me to be what I don't want to be.

The lady I spoke of above will eventually realize that a man isn't going to break into her house simply because she sees a person dressed in a cartoon-based animal costume (She'd experience this fear even when she saw her own children dressed in such costumes.).

I've experienced the afterlife and it isn't a state of eternal sleep. Some would say that people in this world are the ones who are asleep.

Hi Pink-fluff,

Finding it yourself, yes. There is no substitute.