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recoverer
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Within brackets below is my commentary of some of the things Wartella wrote. It is important to understand that I didn’t write it because I’m too attached to my ego to consider and understand what he says. I strove hard for a number of years to get over the supposed illusion of my individuality, until I finally reached the point where I was able to think for myself rather than listen to what some supposed enlightened people have to say.
Wartella: “According to some teachers, there is no such thing as Enlightenment. If by that they mean that there is no separate person who becomes Enlightened, then I agree. But I do not think that is what they mean. If they truly believe there is no such thing, then all I can say is they just have not awakened yet. It is fairly easy for someone to listen to all that has been said by some teachers on the subject and have no direct experience themselves, to come to a conclusion that it does not exist. They are Conclusionists. They are still just in the thinking mind and have not seen beyond it, or prior to it.”
[Recoverer: I first experienced myself as not being a person about 31 years ago. For a number of years I tried to make this no-self business permanent. Eventually I realized that what happens when a person experiences his existence as if he has no individuality, is that he stops making use of the part of himself that enables him to understand who he is as a particular individual.
If a person gets carried away with his attempts to not exist as an individual, he’ll create a dissociative order that makes it seem as if he doesn’t exist. Read the story of Suzane Seagal. For ten years she felt as if she wasn’t her body and mind. Some big name gurus verified her supposed enlightenment. For a while she had a group of followers. Eventually she found that she had a repressed memory of being molested as a child, understood that she had developed dissociative disorder, and understood that “She did in fact exist as an individual.”
In the afterword of her book “Collision with the Infinite,” Stephan Bodian wrote:
“At one point she [Suzanne] excitedly called me to describe her recent discovery that she did in fact exist—and insisted that all spiritual teachers who taught the non-existence of an abiding self were mistaken.”
Even if enlightenment exists, and as Wartella and others say there is nobody to possess enlightenment, then what precisely is he claiming? That there is the vast being of the absolute, and within this being at various places the activity of enlightenment takes place, without there being anybody for who it takes place? If the answer is “yes,” does this seem reasonable? If one allows oneself to separate from this way of thinking for even a short period of time, perhaps one will see how it doesn’t make sense. It isn’t a matter of some people not being clever enough to see beyond the supposed paradox. It is a matter of not being taken in by the supposedly sophisticated words of somebody who claims to be “an enlightened person,” while at the same time he claims that he doesn’t exist. Utter contradictory nonsense that unfortunately numerous intelligent people get caught up in.]
Wartella: “Many people who have spent many years of frustration looking for Enlightenment become so disillusioned that they just need something to satisfy their lack of direct seeing. The mind can see intellectually how there can be an understanding that Enlightenment is a dream. However, for those who have seen directly what it is and deeply understood it beyond the limited thinking surface mind, it is real.
Now, when I say it is real that needs to be clarified. True, no one awakens but there is an awakening. It is a direct living experience of what is real beyond the dream of a 'Me' who experiences it. It is the most direct insight of what we truly are. Those who have been fortunate enough to have this state of insight Know it is the only real experience they have had.”
[Recoverer: “Many people,” “they,” “their,” those,” “I,” “we.” That’s a lot of words that point to people who supposedly don’t exist. What does he mean by “what we truly are”? In order for us to have an understanding of what we truly are, we have to exist. Could such a profound understanding be had by beings who don’t exist? ]
Wartella: “When one awakens, it is seen that the whole process of ego mind has blinded them from seeing what has always been before us, as us. All the words drop away, the “me” is seen through, and it is not a matter of "I am one with reality", there is just This. It cannot be named because it is seen beyond the abstraction of language, concepts, such as something or nothing, living or dying, being or not being, which are all just ideas. No idea is real.”
[Recoverer: What does he mean by “us?” How can there be an “us” if individuality has no reality whatsoever? How about a race of telepathic beings that communicates as one being? Doesn’t each of member of this race have to exist in some substantial way in order for telepathic communication to take place? After all, the telepathic communication has to take place amongst at least two conscious beings that exist substantially enough so the word “communication” has a meaning. Regarding the statement “there is just this,” if this is true, then there is no us. Rather, instead of there being many beings who get to share the joy and gift of existence, there is just one being all by itself. How can this be a good thing? For “I” and anybody else who loves existing (nothing wrong with that), such a though is repugnant.
Our minds can be used in just about anyway. That’s why some people, after they die, get stuck in a state of being where they can’t perceive that which isn’t in accord with the dream world they create. It is also possible for a person to use his mind in a way where he isn’t able to understand how individual beings can exist. If he truly had an experience of oneness, he would be able to comprehend the substantial reality of the beings who make up this oneness.
Regarding this business of having no idea, conceptual thought based on personal opinions is one thing, while having a direct experience of how the creative part of being made it so many souls can exist is quite another thing. Souls don’t become non-existent because somebody like Wartella chooses to not be aware of them.]
Wartella: “Enlightenment is never a conclusion. To come to a conclusion one must see it in regard to the past as ideas about how all this works and comes together. Enlightenment has no past. Nor does it have a future. It is what Is, the Suchness of Life Itself. Now, for one to conclude this is true, it is not worth the empty thoughts we have about anything.”
[Recoverer: “It is possible to become aware of what source being was like before it got around to creating everything including souls; however, it is a big mistake to get so caught up in such awareness that one fails to acknowledge what source being has created. The creative aspect of being is just as much a part of source as awareness is. It is a shame that some people are so resistant to acknowledge what the creative aspect of being is capable of and has to offer. Because it got around to making it so all of us “can” exist as unique individuals even though we have the same source, we are able to share love with each other. How can this be a problem? How could we share something as meaningful as love if we didn’t actually exist?]
Wartella: “I was so fortunate that my first awakening came before I 'knew' anything about Enlightenment. I never had to question its reality. I just wanted to go deeper to understand what happened. The idea of turning to a teacher to tell me where it was at rarely came up at all. It was clear that only by direct seeing could it be of any use to anyone or me. Of course, Enlightenment is useless to the ego mind. Why would one want to knowingly end their existence? Suffering is why. The deep-seated need to know the truth is why. The feeling of being empty and hollow is why.”
[Recoverer: He said “Suffering is why.” That’s why a lot of people get involved with individuality negating non-dual teachings. Because they believe life is suffering and they want to escape it. They often get into this thing where they believe that they don’t have to worry about the state of their mind because supposedly they aren’t their mind. Or they’ll think, “I don’t exist as an individual, so I don’t have to worry about the state of this body-based existence.” No matter how good they get at pretending that they don’t have a mind or individuality to be concerned about, eventually they will have to take responsibility for their soul. They’ll eventually find that truly wise people find escape from suffering by taking responsibility for their existence and growing, rather than denying it.]
Wartella: “Most people will not come to a profound awakening. Few even look for or care about becoming awake. Or, of course, even know there is such a thing. But, even if one does not become deeply Enlightened they can benefit greatly by understanding what is wrong with humans, why Enlightenment is of such profound value.
If you come to understand the ego process and see how it functions in you and all of those around you, you will be far closer to awakening than by merely going to some teacher who may or may not know what is true. Not only that, you will become far freer in your day to day living. All your relationships will be understood more clearly. You will understand when things fall apart what the basic cause is. Every day becomes many lessons on what is not real, what causes you to suffer, what keeps you from letting go and truly loving the people, animals, and all of life.”
[Recoverer: Regarding the above, I guess it is a matter of what is meant by “ego.” If individuality is meant, will certainly if you are going to truly love people, animals and all of life, you have to exist in order to do so. If love does anything, it acknowledges the reality of each of us because anyone who truly lives according to love cherishes others too much to want to see their individuality come to an end. This doesn’t mean that they have to remain separate from others. Rather, they simply need to open their hearts and minds so they can share their existence with others. When merger takes place, at least two conscious being who choose to merge have to exist. Also, love is something each of us learns about in our own time. Each of exists so substantially that we can learn about love in our own way.
If by “ego” he means what is referred to as our lower self, shadow self, etc., well certainly the more we become self aware the more we’ll be able to live according to a higher way of being. However, it is important that a person doesn’t make the mistake of placing too much emphasis on the ego. If one does so, one might end up creating an entity that is more the result of his beliefs about ego, than a matter of what actually exists.]
Wartella: “Do not get lost in feeling hopeless because you think Enlightenment is so far beyond you. Right this very moment you are truly awake, you just do not realize it. And do not let those who have not awakened tell you there is no such thing. Enlightenment is real; it is the ego process that is not.”
[Recoverer: In a way, the above is dualistic. It speaks as if the ego is one thing and our true selves are another. I believe that our bodies have a self-defense instinct, but otherwise it is a matter of our souls learning to live according to love and other positive qualities. As we learn we have some aspects of mind that are negative and some that are positive. Our souls need to go through some sort of learning process in order learn what is possible and available. It is only natural that for a while we get caught up in modes of thinking that aren’t completely favorable. For example, we might use a part of our existences to deny that we exist.]
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