hi   Life is the hardest thing to live,spirit say that the bad that happen in our lives are the best because our soul really learns,i find this hard to come to terms with myself

i feel ive suffered every day of my life,the only good times i had was as a child

i nearly drowned when i was 2,dont remember it,but mom told me that her friend saved me  but sometimes i admit i dont thank her friend for it
but i do have a lot of dreams were im suffocating,cant breath.

i ask God so many times ,did i do something really bad in a previous life and is that why i suffer

i'm afraid of the dying process but not dying and going to a better world with spirit,who will never judge me or think im not as good as anyone else,i will have the one thing when i go to spirit and thats love for who i am

i would never commit suicide but i wont be sorry when its my time to cross over
ive felt for as long as i can remember,asking myself ,is it the fact if you have a happy childhood then your not allowed to happy as an adult

i know i come across with self pity,thats because i do feel sorry for me

what my biggest question is ,we have to learn from experience but why do ihave to keep learning about the same thing all the time

my twin has the same attitude toward life as her life has been full of suffering the same experiences as me

when we went to this spiritualist church,we were not allowed to be mediums there,we were not allowed to be healers,all our life we have had rejection from wherever we go,the attitude is,dont let the twins have a chance,not the twins ,no not the twins there not allowed

I  and my twin deanna the night before we left that church for good as we could not take it anymore,sat outside that church,both of us crying,the medium came out and asked us why we were crying,we said to her that wherever we go people treat us like we have no feelings and that we both have never been wanted in this world and we can't understand why
the medium then told us that we both came into this world knowing we would never be wanted and we just came here to give love

i and my twin cant wait to be with dad in the spiritworld but that was the most hardest thing for us both not to be allowed to be mediums or healers at that church as we have had rejection wherever we tryed,others just placed a brick wall in front of us,  now its just a waiting game for me and my twin,our happiness and no rejection,just love waits for us both in heaven

love and god bless  love juditha and deanna the twins

Juditha, I agree with b2...your thoughts, love and contributions, for which you can be proud, have helped those on this board and I'm sure wherever you have bothered to share them.  Grow where you're planted, indeed...let it grow...you can only give what you've got and what you've got is amazing...it is God given and you need to share it wherever you are...those that need to hear you will hear you, those that can't you do not need to worry about.

With love and light.

Scott