StoneColdTrue
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Birmingham, AL
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I spent a great deal of my life last year on the subject of death. At times I desired death but didn't have the courage to make it happen. I would instead wish to not wake up after sleeping. At this point in time I was very depressed and confused about life. I had come to a belief in my mind that I would die young regardless of it being my fault or not. However, I do not remember fearing death at all during this time. I was so unhappy with my life that I saw death as only a release. But even as I continued to live I had this feeling that I would not survive past my 20s, and I associated it with a car crash or a disease. (Very common causes of death)
At the beginning of this year many new thoughts, realizations, and questions entered my mind. I eventually found my way to a belief in spirituality and a curiosity for the Afterlife. As I thought more and researched, I found I could no longer accept that death was the end of everything. I now for the first time in my life had obtained a fear of death and so too returned my insomnia.
But this new fear of death is not a fear of death itself, but that I had now discovered I truly want to live and that my fear was dying too soon. My thoughts and feelings of dying young were back. Over the past few weeks my thoughts have been very focused on my new found spirituality and with each week my fear of death has decreased.
I would describe that fear now as only a raised awareness of death. This is all new and fresh to me so my mind has new fears as well. By paying attention to the amount of death to young people which occurs daily, it's easy to wonder "why not me?" These questions only further negative thinking and therefore create fear and unless you can conquer that fear you will consider that you will die soon and by considering this your conscious and your daily living becomes negative, possibly indeed leading to the demise which keeps plaguing the mind.
As I have continued to further my thoughts and accept knowledge of the Afterlife I have also discovered a strong desire to live. Very often do I tell myself that I wish to grow old and experience great love and leave a family and a legacy on this earth. I have found new purposes and goals for this life and the only thing which could stop them is death, which sort of makes it my enemy. But the true enemy is the fear and consideration of death. If you allow it to haunt you, it will defeat you.
I now believe that I will live to fulfill my goals. I believe this because I have plans of love and compassion. I have ideas to influence people positively and help the people closest to me understand the life I am discovering and how it can help them too. I have such a desire to live that I believe death will only arrive at a time I consider convenient.
Understand that we are the masters of our destiny and everything which occurs is decided directly from the choices you make and the choices every one else makes. We are connected. Find a will and a desire to live and purposes which involve the most powerful energy in existence (love) and you will live for as long as you need to fulfill your time here. Unless they have great regrets, I've never met or known an old person who wasn't prepared for death.
To put it simply, love and you will live.
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