The title is "Death Cat" because now that my cat is dying and looks like "death" it seems a fitting name.

My friend drove the black cat Salem to my house 12-13 years ago. The cat belonged to his neighbor which would not let the cat inside the house and had already shot the other cat they owned. (Apparently the OTHER cat scratched a child so they took the cat on the front porch and shot it.) They took Salem to the SPCA and my friend went and got him out of there even though they said the cat was dangerous and they were going to put it to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first memories of Salem (I did not name him the prev. owner did and I did not want to change his name on him.) are of me entering my bedroom at my parents house and the cat came right out from under the bed when I called his name and proceeded to hop up against my leg affectionately even though I had never met him before. He became my close friend, like a child to me. Within the next two weeks he became VERY sick. The nice SPCA gave him a cat cold. He nearly died. I had him hooked up to an IV at the vet and he stayed a few nights which I paid several pay checks to cover. The vet then said he would have to come home cause there was nothing they could do. They said he would have to begin eating... - or die.

I took him home. He did not eat. I would put food down and he would not eat. He was dying.

Then...

I put the food in my hand and held it up to him and begged him to eat it.

He ate from my hand.

I cried.

He lived.

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Flash forward:

I had to take him to the vet. He kept holding his mouth open and drooling. I also noticed a scratch or something odd on his eyeball. The vet diagnosed him with needing teeth removed which we did. His eye got worse. The vet told me to bring him back.

The diagnosis was wrong. (don't get me wrong he did have bad teeth.)

He had a stroke or a tumor. The vet told me there is NOTHING they can do. I think stroke is more likely since the issue came out of nowhere. His right side head and eye has nerve damage. His right eye cannot close and is useless. He has lost a lot of weight. He only eats when I sit there and beg him. He stays at his spot on the couch almost all the time now and I can feel bones. I hate to touch him. He does eat a little wet food and does not drink at all. I fear the end of him is near. He still stands (wobbly) and makes an internal sound when I get home. He also purrs when I kiss his head and pet him. It's not time to end his life yet but I fear the time will be soon.

It is truly sad because I would do anything to have him live. I would throw away years of work on my computer, give up my tv, games, anything... why? Because without my cat none of these things matter. I am connected to him. He is so special. I feel terrible that over the years I became wrapped up in so many things and didn't spend as much time with him as I could have. Don't get me wrong, I still did spend time with him. He loves to sleep under the covers and rest his head on my arm.

You know what is funny? I don't believe in God but like a typical person that wants something that is out of they're control I begged God for help. I have made a vow to God that I will not drink a drop of alcohol or do any drugs while my cat still lives. (I drink a lot of alcohol and do drugs.) I highly doubt making a promise like this will have any effect regardless but I figure if I am asking for a miracle I may as well make a real deal.... even if I don't believe.

I just want my cat alive with me. God I love him so much. To see him like this.... it's terrible. He is my soul-mate-cat for no one can ever replace him.

Ok... sorry for all the ranting but I am really worried and upset.... it's awful. I have no faith... I am agnostic... I only trust science.

Interesting but if there is an afterlife I would have to say He will know something happened for sure. I would hope he would notice that he doesn't have me anymore. Once he's dead there is nothing more I can do for him or do to show him any love. I hope my other dead loved one can meet him. My dead friend knew this cat and knows what I am going through. I would rather hope that they will be there to meet him and will ?explain? to the cat what is going on.

Before: Not even THAT long ago.... like maybe 2 months ago this was taken:



NOW:


I am not ready. I can't handle this. I can't watch my cat die.

You are never ready for that. Calm down as much as possible and let your cat feel your love instead of your despair. Go that road with your cat till the end.

I had many cats, and I loved them, and they're all long gone. I often dream of them.

Spooky

He looks awfully rough in that picture, Starcraft.

Is he eating or drinking more now, or is he still not doing much of either?  Does he move around at all?

I don't know all the facts here, but judging by that picture and what you were saying earlier, especially if the answers to my questions are negative, I really worry that you're letting him suffer a slow and uncomfortable death rather than doing him the favor of a gentler and quick passing at the vet.

Just my opinion; I've had to make that call with a dog I had from age 5 to 21, I loved her a ton, and I know how horrible it feels, but I would have felt even worse if I had dragged out the process over a series of days/weeks because I was putting my emotions over her (my dog's) discomfort.  I'm truly sorry you're in this position; it sucks.

I am treating that cat exactly the way I wish to be treated. I don't care if i am a floating brain in cerebral fluid under constant pain. As long as I am alive, I want to live. I cannot accept death.

p.s. he still tries to eat and drink, he is wasting away. he still can stand and meows and purrs. It is not time yet. Soon.

Soon I will kill him.

Wow, Star, does it seem like things are happening the way they are for a reason? That's amazing, it sounds like you and Salem were destined for each other.

This isn't what I believe, but this is what I am hoping will happen when I put my cat down.


I am hoping that my very close dead friend that knew Salem and loves cats will be there to greet him and will explain everything that happened. My cat will be a cat but more than a cat, able to mentally or even "foe" verbally communicate in ways way beyond normal and will accept the feelings of love and understanding and will be able to hang out with the loved one and do things and also watch me.

Then... one day. I will die. My cat will be there and he will be a cat with me and lay under covers with his head on my arm and purr and even play like he used to. And more, he will actually talk / communicate beyond anything in life. I will be able to ask him why he meowed at certain times during his life and inquire what he really was thinking. Both of our beings will join together and love each other and be happy.

Nice huh? Yeah, that's what I want. But I can't hope for it. There is no proof that this exists.