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Having trouble (Read 2188 times)
Bumblebee
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Having trouble
Dec 12th, 2009 at 5:34pm
 
Hey,

I thought I'd come here incase any of you can help mw continue my journey.

I'll give a brief outline of what's happened to me so far.

A few months ago I had my first experience.  It happened the day I had read about the "inner child" in us, and how that child often stops us doing things that scares us.  It gave me the tool to comfort the inner child if things got too scary.  At this point I had been wanting to OBE for a while, but no luck.

As I went to sleep that night I became aware of a voice, I assumed from outside the window, with an indian accent (we live in a council estate with many of indian ethnic here, though I'm not myself).  Curious for some reason of what they were saying, as I couldn't make it out, I focused my attention on it.  It started clearing into "Thank you God, thank you so much, oh God thank you" over and over again.  I was entranced by it and kept listening.  At some point I was aware of being out of my body and thinking to myself "Oh God, it's all true!".  I decided to go "Up" and flew right up somewhere into blackness.  At that point I freaked out, scared I wouldn't be able to get back to my body.  Remembering what I had read about just focusing on my physical body would be enough to get back, I tried that - but it didn't work.  I ended up swimming through what seemed to be thick blackness and saw my body beneath me, with my then 6 week old lying there, and my partner next to her (this is how I been as I was falling asleep).  For some reason I was freakng out because I couldn't enter the baby body lying there.  It took me a while before I realised that was the wrong body!  And that I was already in my own body.  I started crying with relief that I had returned safely, picked up my daughter and started hugging her and telling her it was OK, I loved her and would never leave her.  My partner woke up and asked me what was going on.  I explained and her he hugged me and told me it was OK, I was safe and there was nothing to worry about.  Then I was aware of a man walking up our stairs, but it felt normal - I wasn't scared.  He came into my room and thanked me for letting him use the computer.  He was of Indian origin.  Then I actually woke up, I believe I had been lucid dreaming?

As a note to this, I didn't understand the man thanking my for using my computer, until I remembered that a few days before I had asked to speak to my guide, and wrote a piece on my computer listening to thoughts entering my awareness and typing out what I felt they meant.  So I believe it had been one of my guides chanting the "Mantra" to help me into the OBE stage now I had the tools to work out my fear (by comforting the "inner child" represented by my new baby) of not being able to return.

The second experience was a few days ago - I'll copy and paste this time from an email I sent to a friend.

Quote:
I had set the intention of APing before taking a nap, like usual felt close but not confident enough to follow through, started dreaming and at some point must have rezlised I was dreaming. Then I was very aware of my physical body and felt like I was half in half out... Felt lots of vibration sensations that got more and less intense as I tried moving... Freaked out a couple of times when they got intense as I read somewhere that they are a warning you are trapped between dimensions which is dangerous O.o Then I was finally free, glanced back at my body, but only saw the top half of "me"... floated round the room a bit Tongue Then decided to ask to be taken to a "heaven" type enviroment...

Everything seemed to go dark and I felt like wind was rushing past, and I was in the entrance of a normal looking building and a lady (I felt like she was a church goer) came out to greet me... Then I started getting a bit uneasy incase I suddenly returned to my body and made her confused.. That made me feel like I was getting pulled back... Then I started getting worried that I was hurting my physcial body somehow (all the time through this I was still aware of my body and how it was lying there motionless), I also had the though mybe I've already killed it, and an "Oh well, never mind!" feeling - which was VERY odd as my main fear has been not being able to return because I love my family so much, but once "there" I didn't seem that bothered? It didn't seem very "heaveny" to me, but I got the feeling it was one of many types where churchgoer types can go, not all pearly gates but just a normal "parish" situation... not what I had in mind when I made the intent though!

I decided to go back as I was getting more worried about my body though, but half way through making the intent I thought hey, I can try having a meeting with my guide! And the darkness and whooshing happened again and I came into a room with a table with two chairs, about 4 people milling around in the room and I thought "Hmm, I didn't think I had that many guides", then most of them left and one stayed sitting in the chair - everything else prior to this seemed very "mentally constructed" but the person sitting in the chair was the most vivid thing... And he sat with his face in his hands and mentally told me "How am I meant to help you when you try your best to prove to yourself none of this is real?" and I got a feeling of disapointment and sadness Sad And it's true, in this scene somehow I had made an "avatar" of myself to sit in the chair opposite and I was watching from above rather than really being involved... Then I was pulled back to the real world (kids and hubby!)... I was left feeling very strangely about it, it did all seem "unreal" and "mentally constucted"... Maybe it was a lucid dream after all... And I feel awful if my guide is actually disapointed in me... Though it's made me even more eager to try doing it again with less fear, and more lucidity, to prove both me and him wrong about me purposely trying to prove it unreal! Though I'm hoping if it "was" him, it was a ploy to get me to think exactly that, as it's a big way to overcome my fear (disapointing teachers has always overrode fears for me in the past! Tongue) Because rationally, even if it was a subconscious Alice in Wonderland scenerio rather than an AP, that's still quite good progress... Unless I'm supposed to be much further along than I am at this point Sad


This has been a turning point for me, I felt a huge freedom during these experiences and both times I've come back to physical reality unscathed (though after the second, after being literally pulled back through an interruption, I felt spaced out and annoyed at everything for about an hour afterwards).  I found the dual awareness of the second experience curious too - like I could feel my body lying motionless on the bed, while my mind was out exploring.

I've attemped a few times since to do it consciously, but am not having much luck.  After the first experience it seemed that every time I tried to go to sleep, my awareness wouldn't switch off - I felt like I would AP (and had a few large explosion type sounds in my head which would wake me up).  I had to literally fight to unconsciously go to sleep as at this point I was still too scared.  Now, I really want to get going but I'm still finding it had to go through the whole process consciously.  Earlier I tried and twice I had a "pop" and expansion which lead to fuzzy blackness - the first time I opened my physical eyes so didn't get anywhere!  The second time I believe I "clicked out".  I was vaguely aware of getting answers to some of my questions but they were below my physical awareness level.

I find it hard to visualise anything in my minds eye.  I know it's a case of my trying to control things, so a full image that I know I didn't consciously create leaves me feeling very vunerable.  I feel like I'm making slow progress, but have any of you any tips?  I can obviously "do it" with my two prior experiences, but I would love to go further, eventually retrieving, but I don't feel the "impressions" I get are enough for me to feel I'm actually doing anything - I'll need to fully see things.  Yet as soon as I do I click out.  Sad  I think the point I clicked out is when I had asked to see "who I truely was" and I saw a bright light spiraling towards me.  Now as I've done a lot of reading this doesn't come as a surprise to me but it won't feel real until I'm "there"!

I had the idea as I was falling asleep last night to use the affirmation "When I close my physical eyes, I will be able to percieve in any way I need to.  When I open my physical eyes I will not percieve non physically" - as one of my greatest fears is starting to see things in "reality" that aren't there - leading me straight to being sectioned (and due to my depression I've actually been there, so it's a very real fear and hard to shake).  Do you think this is the only problem or have I got a lot of work ahead of me? Sad  I just want to "get there"!  I believe I already have a "place" in focus 27, I was lead to create it a while back before I read these books and would love to "go" there.  And when I visited (through impressions) a while back I was delighted when I found a "tree swing" I hadn't put there myself, and was "told" that "she" had put it there for me as a gift!  I got the impression I was supposed to sit in it and use it to help me "get there", but I've not had the guts yet Tongue

Sorry, I'll stop typing now!  It's ust so frustrating with I know I have a lot of "BS" keeping me from getting there! x
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betson
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Re: Having trouble
Reply #1 - Dec 12th, 2009 at 11:05pm
 
Hi Bumblebee   Smiley

No offense, but I think the BS you refer to is Bumblebee Sweat!  You are trying so hard!
IMO you are trying too hard. You may be trying to retain control by always having thoughts in mind.

You know you have the interest and attention of your Guide. So you are safe.  Why not let your guide know that you are turning the experience over to 'him'?  You can always set up specific discoveries later.

Bets
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There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Shakespeare
 
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