b2
Ex Member
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Starshine, I only just now read your experience in the link you provided, and visited the forum question and answer section. Wow. I cannot tell you how helpful your words are. But you already know, and you know so much.
I love the way you express the perfection of our being, no matter who we are and what 'mistakes' we have made along the way. I love the way you express how we can be of service to others by simply understanding what they have been through, in our own small way, because we have, in part, been there too, and that we can be moved to service by the very 'tragedies' which form parts of our lives.
About a month ago, maybe less, I was going through yet 'another' of my extremely low points in my life, just the same revolving cycle of the same 'old crap' that I just can't seem to shake off of me -- basically, being terribly mistreated by someone I love. At that low point, I had dragged myself off to a counseling appointment, and this was one of the hardest days of my life. Going to 'counseling' was not even a 'safe' thing to do, because of my circumstances, but I did it anyway. I am continuing to do it, and it is helping me, along with better understanding of my circumstances and how I got here, and how I can move through it all with love as a guide.
However, at the end of that particular day, I sat in a hot bathtub, exhausted, terribly ashamed to be in this predicament again, leaning my cheek against the cold tile. The cold tile was hard, yet somehow comforting to me. It felt like leaning into the whole world. And giving up. I heard a voice in my ear. It seemed to be coming from my ear, but maybe it just came from 'somewhere'. I distinctly heard 'I'm proud of you'. I was feeling dazed, depressed, at my wits end, but I heard the voice. I couldn't believe it, a part of me, just couldn't quite believe it. 'You are?' I asked in bewilderment? 'Yes." I heard the voice again.
It was a very very quiet voice. But it was there. That's all I heard, that particular day, but I know the voice has always been there, one way or another. One way or another.
So, why am I telling you this? Because your story is very inspiring. And your story helps me to understand exactly who it was who was speaking to me. And why.
Thank you so much. Some tears are good tears, and you have explained this perfectly for so many people, and I thank you.
(modified slightly, this is correct, as it is now, yes)
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