I hope i'm not being insensitive Terethian, and i feel for your situation, but the bottom line seems to be that there is no absolute proof of what happens after death - basically because there's nothing available that constitutes scientific or the sort relative, physically based and external stuff most of us consider as objective 'proof'.
Even if we get what's in intellectual terms fairly convincing external feedback e.g. like when a psychic tells us stuff he/she should not know - we end up second guessing it: 'she must be reading my mind'.
There's only one route to equanimity, joy and well being, and that's via opening to Spirit. For most of us (except a very few who have reached this point through life experience) this requires calming the mind, and again for most of us the only means to accelerate this process is via meditative technique, and the wiser and more compassionate view this and the development of a more grounded view of the nature of our reality permits.
There's no guarantee this will deliver anything anytime soon (or even for a long time), it depends on so much on stuff we don't know.
This is why i've been thumb nailing blocks of teaching i've benefited from in this and other threads. There is no solution possible to your problem in external world as we perceive it, only as a result of going inwards.
Eckhardt Tolle tells the story of the beggar who has been sitting on an old box begging in the street for years. He asks a man for a coin, but the man says he can't give him money because he has none - but says he can show him something much more valuable. He asks him to look in the box, which turns out for all those years to have been full of gold...
Spiritual opening is a catch 22 problem. If we knew what was there to be found if we worked seriously to find a way into the box (aka a dramatically different internal landscape) - then we'd be hugely motivated to search. But because we can't conceive the wealth of well being and joy that's available from in there we don't see the point in truly taking a look.
So we end up stuck like the beggar - fruitlessly and rather desultorily looking for solutions outside of ourselves - compulsively going through the same old failed motions in the external world, but not realising that we keep on applying the same old failed game plan. The money, the security, the car - or for those of us a bit more sophisticated the 'spiritual proof' we are seeking in the world of external experience.
A board like this where there's lots of intellectual chat can become a substitute for self work, but actually it by agitating and intensifying thinking minds can have the opposite effect in many. In a few others just the right insight can tip us over the edge into real opening.
Another very well known teaching - it's easy to end up looking at the pointing finger, and not seeing the moon. To mistake the words for the state of being they point to.
What can become available with self work and spiritual opening (again no promises, it can be a very long road - and striving after objectives is counterproductive) with the flashes of equanimity and joy i've mentioned is an increasingly deeply held and intuitive knowing that there is more - probably not even in terms you can ever express verbally or to another person.
It's by definition subjective, not objective - and our whole approach to proof in this day and age requires that it be external and objective to be credible. While rationality and logic have their place, we 're now talking of territory (the matter of truly 'knowing') where it's an increasingly less important ingredient in the mix (with intuition), and one that becomes an impediment in itself if over relied upon.
A big part of the affair is in the end the letting go of our need for certainties - of our attempts to control existence (that's not ceasing to operate as a wise and compassionate person, only the letting go of our attachment or fear that the outcome we usually mistakenly want will not materialise) - as a result of snippets of experience moving us into a state of trusting that will be all right.
All
is all right if we can just engage with and feel what the 'flow' is, and in a sense stop meddling inappropriately.
Because the task is not to do or to achieve anything, the task is to let go, to trust in Spirit, to do what comes naturally (intuitively) and let it get on with what it knows best. This can't really happen until it's become real for us - no amount of wanting can make a blind bit of positive difference. (the opposite in fact)
The phrase 'state of being' is very important - it's not at all the same thing as intellectualising about stuff, or acting out, or 'believing'. Knowing (and it's often pretty tentative) follows from experience, and not from belief.
For most of us there's no instant cure for the angst inherent in our existence in what we perceive as this self in this world. There can be no promise even that self work will produce less suffering before joy, indeed in many its effect after an initial lightening (maybe much like smoking weed) can be that with the quieting of the mind and the resulting turning down of the volume of the masking noise produced by our coping strategies (like suppression, denial, selective perception, the pursuit of power and material wealth etc - which at best only produce a temporary ersatz sort of happiness) we are with clearer seeing faced with the true painfulness of our existence.
It's not for nothing the term warriorship is often used to describe the resolve it takes to persevere with this path...
You're probably wondering T what the hell he's (i'm) on about....
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