First off I'm new here to the forums. Why am i here? Well let me tell you, try to keep up and try not to laugh please. One night fairly recently i watched a movie called Twilight. Yes i know, vampires, immortality, forever love etc etc. But i thought it was a nice movie like so many others I've seen before and just moved on. But then later the following day i was having anxiety, sadness, emptiness. Signs of depression, which was confusing to me because i had no worries that were apparent at the time or prior. So i began trying to figure out what was keeping me so down. Since nothing of significance came to mind, I thought maybe the movie i saw the night before affected me. So i decided to watch it again later on and a bunch of things stirred up inside me in a very big way. Some of which i felt when i saw it the first time but thought it was normal. but something hit me hard, I came to realize that no matter how good my life is/was (It's fine BTW), I would never have that life, that particular experience. My thoughts and feelings betrayed my personal belief.
My faith/belief since childhood (never forced onto me) was unique. In my personal faith I thought that we all go to what many call God and connect with family and friends and that it was a place that unlike the
Real Life,
anything can happen and its real as the life we left behind. I thought i had the power of choice. To do whatever I desired etc. to create another life of my choosing so to speak, no matter how weird, fantastic or ordinary it may be. To me the most powerful thing in life was choice, so that was the basis of my faith since as long as i can remember.
But that all crumbled down since i watched Twilight. I realized I'll never be Edward Cullen and fall in love with Bella and go through that journey. That fact just hurt me right to my very existence. Could i recreate those feeling in Real Life? Sure, but it wouldn't be the same. But i have NEVER wanted something so badly. This movie has changed me for the worst. People will tell me to suck it up, deal with it, or simply "your crazy, you should seek professional help". Maybe i should, but it won't change the way i feel, only ways to cope with it.
But in search for help i came across a few forums about afterlife or the paranormal. All people there were nice and all but never really helped me. Then i came up to this site and read all i can, except the books and such. It has helped me some but my logical side doesn't want to lose the argument that its not possible. Forgoing that thought, Is my belief wrong? Am i wrong in wanting something else in life or the next life even if mine is fine? Will my desires/dream become "real" after i leave this life? My belief has helped me with life's difficulties before, but its slipping from me. I wish i never saw the movie
.
Anything will help at this time, I'm in such a low place. And i know I'm asking a lot. Thanks for reading.