i married 2 years ago, my husband lost his 1st wife after 34 yrs of marriage, i beg the question, in an afterlife, would he be with her, me, or both of us, i have the greatest respect for his love for her, and his memory of her, but i also feel sad that our time together may be in this life only

I think you need to look at it this way. The afterlife is not like this one, the same rules do not apply there as here.  If your husband had two wives at the same time he would be called a bigamist, he wouldn't be able to have the time to devote to both relationships, it would be a bad thing.

The afterlife as I imagine it is totally different Not only can he be with you both, he will have plenty of time to do it, on top of that he may be with his wives and loves from previous lives, as would you.

The connections we have now and have had change, they become less important than they are now, but at the same time they become much much stronger.

Yes, quochick, we are fragile indeed, but that is not all we are. It's hard to say who will be there when we 'arrive'. One time, in meditation, it seemed that a crowd was there; but, another time, it was just a lowly 'receptionist' who was the first greeter that I saw in a given situation. I've seen a man in heaven on his own homestead in the country, as if in another century. He liked being mostly alone, and being visited infrequently. It was all arranged for him. "God" even talked to him, from the sky, right into his own head.

I think it is, indeed, possible that we have multiple 'selves' in the afterlife, each with different likes and dislikes, different past experiences, etc.

I used to think that my own personality was quite fixed at one point in my life. I would never have imagined that it could change so radically, that I could change so radically. If we are as creative as we must be, as resourceful as human beings must be...it would not surprise me at all if 'heaven' turns out to be quite the fantastic place.

Anything and everything is possible there, as far as I can tell. The most consistent message I have received, if true, indicates that this area is an incredibly comforting and nurturing place. What lies 'beyond' it I do not know. But there are plenty of opportunities to be 'alone' too, if that is one's preference. In the great 'out there'.

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Well, he most likely has strong connections with both of you.  Bonds of this nature this reach far beyond the physical level, and usually form way before one's physical life.  I feel that in the afterlife he will be with both of you.  And not just the two of you, of course... the three of you may be part of a much larger soul group of like energies.  You may die and realize that although you had such a strong bond with him in this life, you hold an even stronger bond with another soul.  Whatever the case may be, it is nothing to worry about.