Dear Stac,
Condolences on losing your mother and in such a traumatic way.
Yes, if you are in emotional turmoil or attitudes, it will be hard for your mother to visit you. If you and she have a lifetime of issues to deal with, you might not meet her again for some time.
If and when you can forgive her for any thing--individual incidents or general attitudes -- please try doing so. You will be helping both of you with your forgiveness.
Don't worry about her though. She is in a healing place attended by loving concerns. How long she stays at the healing level will depend upon her own beliefs about suicide, her injuries, and her past life in general. Once she determines that the entire Afterlife is a loving place she will move on. Her afterlife family there is helping her.
Grandchildren seem to often hear from departed loved ones before others do
. It's good your daughter can share her 'dream' experiences with you and that her grandmother seeks her out.
You are good to not burden her with your conflicts.
Don't worry, just forgive as you can.
Bets