Just wondering if any of you very sensitive people out there could do a few minutes meditative focus for me and help me try to understand an issue that is bothering me a lot.

When I had a medium reading months ago, my mother and daughter both came through and asked me if I would consider writing a book about my life. I was reluctant but they said they would help. I finally got started on it about three weeks ago, it is starting to move along a bit better.

Problem is, doing your whole life is a big order, so much from your childhood comes up, then there is the raising of your own child (or children), and the ways you could have done better, all going back to your own childhood again, and so on.

What is happening is I am getting some very disturbing dreams and I would appreciate some input from anyone who can pick up anything. There is a baby involved, very tiny, I love this baby terrifically and we have fun together chuckling and laughing and playing, then the baby starts to play with a toy that might hurt it and I take it away and then I start hitting this baby I love so much.

The baby tries to cry but cannot cry but is obviously suffering from me hitting it.

Have tried to figure this out, it does seem that the ones I had the tenderest moments with, for example, my mom, I became angriest with as years went by and wish I had done more for her in her old age, protected her more from certain others.

There was my daughter who I loved so much and had to place in children's homes from age 6 to age 9, two different homes, very distressing for her. I don't know if that is the problem, or if the problem is something else.

As I proceed through the book, I am wondering if there is going to be a lot of stuff trying to sort itself through dreams, and I wonder if any of you have experience of this? Some of you have written about your lives. Vee

Thank you Bets, ok, I will just carry on and wait to see if some insights occur. Maybe this kind of thing is why I resisted and groaned aloud when they asked me to write this book. Like, really, who wants it??? It's painful. I like to keep my eye on tomorrow and forget yesterday. Anyway, I'm doing it. V.

Hi Vee,

Just read through this.  I got right away that the baby was you, but you already figured that out.  Good for you.  Aren't dreams fun, even when they drive us crazy?  

While writing my book I was dreaming of a baby too.  I realized my book--writing about my life--WAS my baby.  I needed to baby this part of me and my life, take care of it, nurture it through this writing process.  

You'll find that writing your book is the best thing you could ever do for yourself.  Don't worry about writing it right.  I'm sure it will change many times in the process and that's ok, because the whole process is some amazing therapy.

I'm glad you're having dreams through it--they are definitely there to help sort things out.  

Happy dreaming!

Vicky

 Hi Vee, just after reading the first post by you, i got the impression of it pertaining to you, particularly in relation to self criticism and criticalness--especially in relation to your creative work and ability and how you feel about same (like your writing for example).  

 Just let it flow, and be less self conscious and self condemning/critical about it, and you will be joyful, etc.  

 Please check this against guidance you get while going deep within and bringing up feelings of love and appreciation, and asking help from and intending to hook up to the highest, most helpful and loving energies/consciousnesses there are, and for the highest/most constructive good of ALL involved.  

 Hi Vee,

Your welcome.  Since i just turned 29 Becky's been calling me an old man    Unfortunately, when i shave i look all of 19 or 20 though.  

 More seriously though, if i seen to have any wisdom, its not really of or from me, but more so comes from a greater source than myself.  I'm just a person who has more often than not, chosen to be a channel for those creative sources.  And just lately have i really started to get back into the groove of things along those lines.  I guess one could argue that there is self wisdom in choosing thusly, but that's another talk.

 We all have the same potential i believe, its just a matter of our choosing.  Physical age isn't always a big factor in this, though its rare in my experience to hear older people acknowledging something like that.  So thank you.  And good luck with your writing--but you don't really need "good luck".   

Thanks Romain. Glad to hear from you. OK, I will try to do this integrating thing. Hm. Haven't tried this before. Vee

Hi Romain. Alysia and someone else on the other Afterlife Knowledge site advised me of how they do it, so I am going to do it that way and see what happens. I feel a bit...uneasy...about inviting an exterior person, even a baby..into my persona. Still. I'll do it and post the apparent results. Thanks again. Vee

Self retrieval: Well, this morning I paused to send some healing/comfort to Jeff's father in law, it's Thursday, the day to send PUL to a special person, and then thought, ok, it's time to send some healing to myself too, come on, you can do it.

I decided to try to do a self retrieval on the baby described in my posts above. In my mind's eye, the baby is still lying there, its little legs and arms thrashing around, its mouth wide open in an attempt to get a breath to start to scream and cry. Its eyes are screwed up shut totally.

So I looked down at the silky little baby on the table, and picked it up and held it in my arms. I wrapped it tenderly in a very warm cozy blanket, which I pulled up around its head, as it is winter and it must be very cold from head to toe. Well, I was born in January in the Yukon, so, yeah.

I have to make an aside here and explain that for about four years I have been learning to materialize my dreams. Some came through ok and others, more lofty-seeming, are out of my reach still. First, I had an eight foot plastic banner made up with green lettering in a flowing script, "Rivers of golden effortless wealth flow to me today." That banner did bring me effortless wealth, I quite unexpectedly suddenly started receiving a very healthy pension, something I had never ever thought I would get. Then it even increased.

If I had had to save the money to receive for 40 years what I get monthly now, I would have to have saved about a million dollars.

Well, I have never been a good money manager and never saved much at all, so getting this pension was a true miracle of God and the universe. I credit that banner with the great energy to provide this for me. So I did materialize something wonderful there, at least.

But I still wanted a lamborghini and a driver's license. I never learned to drive. I have a photo of a lamborghini right in front or me on my bedroom wall. Beside my bed is a photo of a woman and man in a loving embrace and a very romantic kiss. All around my house are pictures of happy, loving married couples, like for example, the Monroes, in a red velvet frame with red roses on it and a pink teddy bear with red roses, sitting beside it.

Also beside my bed is a pic of a fabulous swimming pool (I love swimming), 40 feet long, ozone treated, in the most gorgeous glass building. There's more, but what it is all attached to is my fabulous dream home with a gated entrance, about thirty acres of grass, forest and gardens and a set of cottages where masters come to teach success principles to others.

My home has specific rooms and things in them. And of course I am perfectly fit and slim in this dream world. OK, back to the baby.

So I have this incredibly distressed baby in my arms, wrapped in a blanket. I am wearing a loose, pretty cotton shift, it's summer, and there I am, and suddenly, something different happened.

Suddenly, instead of looking at my gated entrance from far, far away, like I always do, hardly able to see the house at all, I find myself, holding the baby, standing directly in front of the gates, which are standing open!!

I am standing halfway inside the open gate to my fabulous home!
I realize, consciously, that something interesting is taking place here, this has never happened before, and absolutely nothing I tried has ever made me able to get this close to my gated entrance and my fabulous home before, even thought I have consciously forced myself to walk through the home, creating the rooms as I went, many times.

Realizing something important is happening for me as a result of picking up this baby, I begin to act like a real mother.

The sun is beating down most wonderfully, the expanse of green grass before me looks so inviting, and I explain to myself that this is MY house and MY entrance and I can walk up to the door and go in, and no one will stop me.

I stoop down, carefully balancing the baby on the other arm, and take off my shoes. I step onto the cool, lush perfect grass. It feels great under my bare feet, as grass always does.

By the way, when I picked the baby up, back at the beginning, she stopped the pre-scream behavior and relaxed and fell asleep and began to breathe normally.

As I walked on the grass, approaching the entrance to my fabulous home, I realized why my mother and daughter asked me to write the story of my life, when I had that medium reading many months ago.

The book I was asked to write is the scream, so I can start breathing again. I can unscrew my eyes and look around at the world. So the book is a process that will set me free to live NOW. I think. That's what I got.

So as I walked closer to the double door entry to my beautiful home, I realized the baby needed to be fed. I put her to my right breast and nursed her. She ate hungrily. As I entered the door of my home, I put her on my shoulder and burped her. As I walked down the now-familiar hallway to my fabulous bedroom, my perfect office where I write my books, passing the kitchen where great smells were floating around, and turned toward the hallway entrance to the garage where my lamborghini is stored, I put her to my left breast and nursed her some more. As I entered the garage, I put her onto my left shoulder and burped her again. The baby and I were doing fine by now.

As I stepped into the garage, I knew it was time to fully accept this child. She wanted to enter my forehead area, so I allowed her to dissolve into my pituitary gland and become part of my higher persona.

As that happened, her energy moved down to my neck and around to the back of my neck, where I have two degenerating discs. I felt her energy there, filling me up with something I had been lacking, though I didn't know what it was or that I had lacked it.

So here I was, more complete and more healed, and standing in this garage. To my surprise, there are three vehicles in my fabulous garage. OK, this really is the land of imagination I am in here.

I went first to my lamborghini and lifted open the door and happily climbed into MY car and sat behind the wheel. I thought, There is Power Beneath Me. In the Road. In the Wheels. I touched a remote on the windshield and the wide garage doors lifted up, exposing the far mountains of the Pacific Range and the blue ocean. I sat there, in my lamborghini, for a minute, looking at it, feeling the flood of completeness continue to move through my being.

Then I thought, I better take a look at the others. I got out and wandered over to a Silver Shadow Rolls Royce. A gas guzzling, out of date piece of luxury.

A client of mine at a spa I once owned, had arrived in this vehicle. I had never seen a Rolls in the flesh before that day. It was beautiful then and is still beautiful today.

I climbed inside and remembered the couple who had arrived at my doorstep in their hard-earned Rolls (a junk collector from Newcastle on Tyne, who taught me the saying "Where there's muck, there's brass." And who ate hamburgers and drank beer while the other clients ate their diet meals and drank carrot juice.)

Then I got out and took at look at the car I most often drove, apparently... a nice, new, shiny little Honda. I patted the roof with great affection and went back into the house.

Then I came back to my body and thought, I better post this before I forget any of it. So there it is. Four days ago I started a course recommended by one of the Masters in the movie The Secret, by a guy called Karim Hajee, and I am faithfully doing all the exercises and training my mind yet further to become more secure and able to enjoy the fullness of life. I hope it works for me. My baby and I are fine together. By the way, I identified the white hooked piece of bone the child was reaching for when it was taken from her and she was beaten. It was a crochet hook like they use when crocheting something circular, I think that's what it was.
Vee

I never thought about the crochet hook being real, but maybe it was. I have no memory of many things throughout life, and certainly no memory of my earliest days. First memory would have been around three or so I guess. Life is a mystery, isn't it? So many things about it are full of mystery. Not least, the power of the imagination in doing retrievals and partnered explorations etc. I sure appreciate the accepting and open way the members on this forum consider each others' 'visual' experiences. It brings a breath of fresh air into life. Vee