I think I understand everything said here, but it's all like pieces coming together and a few pieces missing. I feel sure the missing pieces fall into place when the time is right.
I just go off my personal experience mostly, to add to the conversation.
my philosophy and my tools of thought (ACIM, and TMI, plus 60 years of searching, talking to non physical beings, spirits, and visionary dreaming) filter my stories but usually some truth gets born from writing it down.
I did have a soul mate. an unmistakable familiar person came into my life and within one minute of linear time, I knew he and I had an agreement; he was going to give me children. just recently I realized I'll most likely, like Dether, not have another soul mate, where you just know and it's easy, and everything falls into place.
However, one thing I learned is it's not at all romantic, and the honeymoon always gets to the place where it's over. We divorced after a mere 3 years. another thing I noticed is and this is true for all, even though you get a divorce, it's never the end of that relationship. you see the paperwork means nothing really. It's the heart that determines if the bond is of love, it does not die, and you will either stay in contact with that soul mate here, or meet them on the other side and discuss the relationship the two of you just lived. to get back to the original love part. these soul mates can agree to be your sister, mother, father, cousin, lover, etc. We are not privy to the plans we made with them prior to incarnation.
some of us call it love it at first sight. It was not love exactly, it was just a knowing, he was here for me. he had agreed. at the moment I just felt relieved, he had kept his promise, and he was going to make my approach very easy, as my job was to be the stronger one, although strong is not what I was feeling at age 21. in a way I felt rescued. I was to get out of a relationship I was in, being loyal to a man who could, quite easily kill me by accident.
I got out of it, set myself free and met up with the soulmate mentioned above and we wasted no time getting together. he walked into where I worked and I was expecting him, for the 2nd time. yet we did have the romantic part. for awhile. my mother taught me the romance is fun. Although I am much older and no longer desire romance, I'm glad I had all the experiences I had with that facet of being human.
My yearnings are entirely to be one with God and I see God as being, for the time being, all of us. Yet the sum of the parts is not the entirety of the whole..there's so much more to just being a human here. I am starting to remember the original starting point, just enough to be completely satisfied with my progress as a single person reaching for maximum velocity, lift off ELS! no more relationships to ponder on what went wrong, and was it my fault?
Rather I turn over such questions to HS. I call it whole spirit, while ACIM calls it Holy Spirit. I see this man Yeshua, and he is also a woman. He is perfectly balanced between yin and yang.
Once you have felt the love of Yeshua, there is no man who lives on Earth who can compare and it has nothing to do with the 2nd chakra which is enlisted for procreation, but rather all the 7 chakras will spin equally with PUL. and so I ask for understanding, I don't get it, but I don't expect it, that one chooses a mate, either with the ego, in this is what I want, or one allows the Spirit to choose a mate, if that is the right thing according to HS.
as concerning sexual, it is a perk of ELS, if you're healthy in your attitude about it. yet sex is sex and love is love. if you have both, count your blessings. too many times you see the collective separating sex from love. I never could.
Through ACIM I learned I didn't know, of my C1, or ego, what was best for me. And so I say I always:
1) Treat
2) Move my feet.
When I treat, it is to employ The Church of Religious Science, a prayer method. You give your question to whatever, the universe, God, imaginary friend, etc. You release it. Forget about it. Just do it one time with feeling. When you release, you are of the attitude that what the HS wants for you will now manifest.
When you move your feet, you are opening your mind to be observant to the Spirit's nudging you. You may get nudged away from someone, as well as the opportunity could show up that someone else walks into your life and you will again experience "the knowing."
From my experience, if it is difficult to maintain a relationship, if the two of you can agree upon nothing, it becomes a war of wills, rather than a thing of accepting each other as they are. If you are having to work constantly to communicate, there is something not quite right and no need for either one to suffer in such a relationship. you know, the usual guilt trips; they are controlling trips. don't fall for it. we have free will. we don't have to suffer for love.
basically, I do believe couples should receive counseling before breaking up. However, invariably one wants counsel, the other doesn't. if they cannot even agree to get help together, it's likely the relationship is doomed. Counsel can also mean turning inwards to God. so often couples do not have the same set of beliefs or the same religion.
So we have to look at soul agreements without all the romantic hype around it, if we really want answers.
the idea of twin souls precludes the development of will, and does not take into account that a soul can break off from it's original plan and join another disc if it wants to, because of it's different focus point that has developed. that is the wonder of this universe, that we don't want to limit ourselves in any way, despite we like to believe in destiny, there is still the ability to change our course.
I have seen the future, as regarding a potential mate, it was not a good future. he was a controlling man, had jealousy. I have already experienced this type of relationship; therefore I changed the future because I dreamed it first.
And we all know, Love for the self must be cultivated before that same love cultivated in the other, even beyond their yearnings for companionship, understanding, then two whole people come together, rather than two halves.
so one whole plus one whole makes One Loosh crop. for the world.
but one half person plus one half person does not make a loosh crop but they certainly can make a lot of drama and manipulations, when really, they both want the same thing. love.
the one thing you don't want in a relationship is to feel a sense of sacrifice. it won't last. that is the case when one is dominating and one is passive. PUL is the balancer but needs a bit of cultivation. I don't believe it's necessary to sacrifice, nor even to compromise, but constant self reflection on motives is a must. just setting up rules to fight fair is better, as two polarities are going to have differences that at some point will mushroom into bigger problems if not dealt with, and if honesty is not there in the relationship.
it's said the perfect mate will arrive, but only when you are perfect yourself and no longer waiting for that perfect mate.
one more thing, about being young, exploring your body, it's ok, that's one reason to come here. we also have our monks, our religious people who are "coming all the time". I mean that in a spiritual sense.
The afterglow is always with them. The same exact Feel good is with them if they have achieved a certain level Buddhists speak of.
therefore there is no union to seek with another, as this one has merged into all. there is no need.
We all have our own guidance. Judgment of one another is the thing to avoid. Acceptance of one another's belief system, so long as your belief system does not injure another being, is what we can strive towards to understand what God is, what PUL is.
And last but not least, part of PUL is to be able to admit you are not always right, and letting the other one be right once in awhile produces PUL too. For myself, I just don't feel like fighting all the time for something I never lost. Everything you need is already inside you.
love, alysia