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Why do I now doubt? (Read 2898 times)

andyhunt74

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Why do I now doubt?
Jun 30^th, 2008 at 6:05pm

Hi
I'm in a constant state of denial and I need to know how to believe again.

I lost my son on the 30th Nov 07, he was only 3. Before he passed I believed with no doubt that their is an afterlife, now I'm doubting and have done since that day.

I've had signs from my son in the first two months and now they have stopped. I feel my hair being stroked on a night and I want it to be him but I'm someone who always looks for a rational explanation.

I've talked to a few mediums and the last one actually said, my son said to her,'come on mummy move on there are some fun times ahead for us'.

I swear the other night in his room I heard him saying ' mummy I did'nt want to die' this hurt me so much, and I replied to him with, 'mummy did'nt want you to die either baby'.

I'm so scarred he's unhappy, my son was disabled, could'nt walk and talk. I miss him so much and want so much to believe I just don't know how to.
Cry

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vajra

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Re: Why do I now doubt?
Reply #1 - Jun 30^th, 2008 at 8:06pm

Hi Andy, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles - please accept my sympathy.

As usual we've some synchronicity going on on the board around the question of death and what it means - there's several threads up simultaneously looking at differing aspects of the topic, as well as how it is that some choose to be born into situations influenced by illness or handicap.

I can't claim any special knowledge or experience in this regard, and in fact posted a few days ago to the effect that it's hard to underestimate death. I was actually suggesting that while we may at times get to a point where as a result of extra normal experience we feel convinced we're easy with the topic that the reality tends to prove a bit different.

What I can say is that death and suffering are such powerful agents for opening, for moving us into a place where all the opinionated stuff we go on with is stripped away, and we just see what is. It's in this circumstance that we so often contact our hearts for the first time and discover how we really feel about people and situations, and discover a depth of love and care within us that in normal life is so often obscured by the mental chatter that develops in response to the typical irritations of life.

My personal view is that it's for this reason that we are not ever permitted to become totally comfortable with the whole topic - it's the ongoing edge that keeps bringing us back to opening, when without this fear we'd build an impenetrable bubble of self indulgent closed beliefs around ourselves. We might even refuse to continue in life.

My sense is that we have a choice in how we handle it. It's very easy to get hung up on an issue, and we all know the way the mind when allowed to dwell on stuff can build a minor doubt so that eventually it defines our whole reality. Whether the focus is blame of self or others, trying to create happiness by material means or doubts about survival or whatever. It's also easy to get into denial, or into refusing to engage with the resulting emotion, which is not healthy either.

My own experience tends to suggest it's best to 'lean' into and experience the emotion, that this with time and a 'no blame/minimum thought' view leads to insight and easing.

After that I'm a firm believer in letting go, in trusting that the basic goodness of God, life and existence means it will or has already all come out not just right on the day but perfect. The 'what if/if only' sentiment is only ego at work trying to second guess God, a refusal to go with the flow of life, and attempt to force an alternate reality into existence.

Better instead to figure out why we're struggling to accept and draw the positive from what is not only a reality but also an important life lesson - because when this eventually clicks all the pieces fall into place and all is well.

With a basically positive view in place the bits of communication we receive can become enormously comforting....

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spooky2

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Re: Why do I now doubt?
Reply #2 - Jun 30^th, 2008 at 10:06pm

Indeed, we have the choice. What Bruce Moen is saying about belief systems cannot be overstressed. The tricky point apparently is, doubts are a necessary part of our physical life, but on the other hand, we can change our worldview; it's not that easy. You can't simply state "now I'm believing that instead of my old belief" and immediately swap worldviews. It is more like a slow movement, a movement towards what is best described with "I have always known this". It can culminate in a (seemingly) sudden change, when you finally become aware that the old beliefs ("that is impossible") are rotten, and a new comfortable belief system hasn't yet been established for you.
So, allow you to pretend that life after death is possible, and after-death-contact is possible. Decide which kind of contact you want. ALLOW it to you, don't think of what others might say about it. If you discover a whole new world, don't worry. That's normal

.

Spooky

"I'm going where the pavement turns to sand"&&Neil Young, "Thrasher"

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vajra

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Re: Why do I now doubt?
Reply #3 - Jul 1^st, 2008 at 6:46am

Pardon my posting again Andy, but I'd echo strongly what Spooky says about the nature of the choosing of how we interpret our experience. My own path (such as it is) has been very gradual, and with a strongly Buddhist tinge - but most other spiritual traditions will say something similar in different language.

The basic perspective on choice arrives with the realisation that it's 'with your mind you make your world'.

I found teaching like this, and on the view that life and all beings are suffused with basic goodness, that life is flow, that suffering inevitably is a necessary trigger to opening and learning that often occurs for a discernible reason, and that our task is to align ourselves with flow hugely helpful because it gave me permission to stop fighting everything.

To stop striving after stuff and seeking to control situations, to just 'be'.

To realise that it wasn't just me and mine against the world and all its inhabitants. To instead (informed by the bits of teaching I'd taken on board) to kick back a little and just observe life in action - which eventually led to the slowly growing conviction that I was being looked after at every turn. That my efforts were actually the direct cause of quite a lot of my negative experience. (there's often longer term stuff, or agreements with others in play I think too, so it's not always capable of being figured out at the time)

Meditation and reflection help enormously in creating the mind space we need too. As does prayer provided it doesn't tip over into striving.

Suffering of the sort you are experiencing is often the trigger that leads to our dropping attitude, to our forgiving life, ourselves and others - to our coming to see life through a new lens. In my own case it was quite serious illness that forced the 'surrender' that provided the mind space by which to start to 'see'.

Once our awareness starts to open ('the doors of perception?' - it's still a long road and we still fall into difficult patches though) there's increasingly a warm glow and bits of magic all over the place...

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Alan McDougall

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Re: Why do I now doubt?
Reply #4 - Jul 1^st, 2008 at 7:46am

Andy the others have given you amazing loving advise. I repost this experience for you , others please bear with me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is an account of a deep and profound experience to the afterlife I had during 1992

One early morning while all was still dark I awoke in that state between sleep and wake and the boundaries between my physical self and everything physical around me began to dissolve. Quietness like a peaceful blanket descended on my sleeping body and mind. I could hear in the background the sweet song of birds softly singing birds and somehow knew their wonderful voices were from the harmony reflected the electrons darting in the mind of the Infinite One.. Outside leaves rustled in the autumn night and although still indoors on my bed, I could somehow feel the breeze against my skin and the wonderful scent of grass and flowers that permeated the earth.

I then arose to where the blue became black and looked with wonder of the glory of the infinite night. Suddenly everything vanished and I was no longer aware of where I was until a warm golden light encompassed me about and I knew I was in that eternal place outside time or space. Indeed, I now dwelt in the everlasting infinite moment.

Marvelous extraordinary insights flashed into my mind and I was able to understand, with a new godlike mind. The mysteries of all things. It was clear to me that the universe was good and that evil will never prevail against the light. All things seem to be beautifully interconnected in glorious harmony of light...

I could see an eternal fire within the spirit of my being and was filled by it with a sustained sense of exultation, immense joy, peace, rapture and sublime bliss An intellectual illumination beyond any description overflowed my mind and.

I knew then that all humanity was immortal and possessed eternal life and the ultimate plan of the universe was for the good of all that dwelt within its brilliant unimaginable beautiful wonderful vast glorious boarders. The concept of time vanished and I seemed to exist in an everlasting moment.

The greatest thing was the feeling of unconditional all encompassing eternal love by our creator and all the joyful beings in this everlasting blinding pure domain of light and life All life was of prime importance and the souls of animals were loved by the creator god..

This timeless reality was so very much more real than the three-dimensional reality we experience on earth. In this state, my mind was clear and I could feel an incredible energy and power coursing through me in this new wonderful indescribable timeless reality.

There seem to be nothing but a sense of knowing, being and loving. A strange thing was that in this dimension one could alternate between the subjective and objective anytime at will Oh! How my soul did delight then and how reluctant I was to return to the bleak mundane existence of my earthly life. Reflecting back on my early life I wondered how many moments or days of subjoin on earth in my mortal body had being truly happy.

I was now experiencing a continual sustained happiness beyond description of unimaginable joy, peace and glory.

During my sojourn in this other realm, I went amongst the stars, saw their mighty glory, and observed great beings than were countless million kilometers high, which sailed on the light of the universe. I asked the infinite one if there was life in the universe and knew it was awash with life.

Wave after wave of revelation swept through my whole being and the wonder and joy of it all was almost too much for me. It was revealed to me then that our prime purpose for existing was to ever progress upwards towards the light of the ultimate absolute reality while always retaining our blessed uniqueness.

In the end we will all merge with all things, restore harmony to creative existence. We would then still be ourselves but also have access to the infinite knowledge power and presence of the creator God as we finally withdraw once again into himselfs/herselfs

Some of the future of mortal humanity was shown to me. Humanity would have to migrate from planet earth into the universe, as the earth’s resources were finite. No nuclear holocaust would obliterate earth and the greatest threat was the population explosion. In addition, the future was not set in stone and the divisions taken by a person or a nation could alter the outcome of the future.

The future only needs one good person to make a colossal difference towards the ultimate good of humanity the reverse is unfortunately also the case and this might be the explanation for the enigma for the existence of evil. Although our heritage is very important to us all it is much more important to leave a positive legacy.

The loss of moral absolutes was sadness to the divine and the restoration of these was of paramount important if humankind was to escape extinction.

I also enquired as to whether we similar experienced pleasures in the spiritual realm as we do with our mortal bodies while on earth such as, good food, mortal love touch, taste, smell, sight, sex, would this all be lost if we took on ethereal or spiritual bodies. What about our friends, family, lovers, soul mates? Travel, homes etc, etc, etc what about boundaries of conduct was anything forbidden if sin was abolished?

As there would no longer be evil or sin in heaven, nothing would be forbidden and we would be able to experience ecstasy, bliss and sublime joy as we mingle and merge completely with any one we wish.

It is much and completely more intense, sustained and beautiful complete and wonderful than anything we could remotely liken to on the earthly plane. It is indeed very very exiting! Totally, beyond the imagination of any mortal. Then a total mystical union with the divine will become the norm and unions between spirits.

I hope this gives you some comfort to your unbearable pain,If I can help in any other way contact me via private message

Love

Alan
By Alan McDougall 5/3/1992

Blessings and Light

Alan McDougall

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betson

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Re: Why do I now doubt?
Reply #5 - Jul 1^st, 2008 at 9:07am

Greetings Dear Andy,

My condolences for your loss. You must have had a close bond with your child for him to be contacting you repeatedly.

I wonder if what you're feeling is partly the frustration of getting your mind to accept that
death is not a final good-bye. Rather than any large lack of faith.

Your faith is there, you spoke to him and felt his hand-- you're not denying that. In fact you just shared it with alot of others who will benefit from hearing about your contact with your son's soul.

It's only part of our everyday mind, trained to deal with daily tasks, that hasn't accepted that life is eternal.
Just tell it directly, mentally or even out loud, that you now know life goes beyond Earth's limits.
The lesson will be real and should ease the conflictions you feel.

betson

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Shakespeare

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andyhunt74

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Re: Why do I now doubt?
Reply #6 - Jul 1^st, 2008 at 10:36am

Thank you all. It's extremely difficult. I just wish my mind was capable of accepting what I no to be true, instead of the constant bickering thats going on in my head.

I feel like I had another sign from Jacob last night. A medium who I'll not mention by name but is well known posts messges for loved ones on her website. There's thousands on there and last night I went on her site which I have done a few times. They are all dated, for some reason I went straight to the month of February, absentmindedly I was scrolling down the page and I found a message, when I read the message it appears that it mught be from my Jacob, some of the things in the message were so spot on, right down to the songs I choose for his funeral. It was even signed with a J. Don't get me wrong I am very cynical when it comes to mediumship, but it has to be more than a coincidence that I went to this site when I was particularly upset, I went straight to the month of February (Not the month Jacob passed). I showed my hubby and he agreed it was uncanny, but then he agrees with everything I say or do just to keep the peace. What do use think?

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vajra

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Re: Why do I now doubt?
Reply #7 - Jul 1^st, 2008 at 11:50am

Hi Andy. We have to use discretion as well as staying light and open about it, but there's lots comes through psychic channels. The problem is that it can't ever satisfy the intellect or the ego - it'll always find ways to second guess or doubt no matter what comes up.

The bickering in your head is inevitable, and will probably continue until you can get established on a path that leads to calming of the mind (by meditation and the like) and the establishment of a view of reality somewhere along the lines of what is described above.

There's no instant fix.

It's a matter of spiritual path, of heading off down a road of personal transformation....

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Linh

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Re: Why do I now doubt?
Reply #8 - Jul 1^st, 2008 at 12:09pm

As a mother of a sick 2 year old, I can understand the pain you are going through... from the moment we carry our babies inside our womb, to the day we give birth to them, we experience this profound love that we never experience before. So, when our babies are taken away from us, the pain is excruciating.

At this moment for me, I am waiting for the neurologists to tell me what their findings are regarding my son's brain lesions. I am anticipating the worst that he may have brain tumors, and I may not have long to enjoy him on this Earth. Fortunately for me, I do NOT doubt the existence of the afterlife. Being a member of this message board for so long (2002), reading all of Bruce's books, hearing his cd's and tapes, I am confident that our love ones are still with us in death.

Instead of second guessing your gut feeling that your son is trying to communicate with you, just go with it... and have a dialogue with him. I think it will be therapeutic for you. You really have nothing to lose to have a beautiful conversation with your precious baby. I would assume it is a lot healthier than being depressed and believing that he does not exist... that is my 2 cents..

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