Hi again Linh, I do remember you
you were pregnant then and wondering whether to have the child or not..we advised that you should and you were happy. I'm really glad to see you here again and to know we may have helped a bit in your life.
everybody surrounded you then, and we do now too, because we sense a genuine, honest person on board..our spirit talks to yours, is community.
its so hard to do what you just did, to speak of the negative thoughts, but come to find out, through you, we are reminded, we too have had imperfect thoughts, to be envious of another and unhappy with our lot in life.
yet to focus on what you can do now, not what you cannot do, I think I agree with Dave, you are in the process right now. you took the first step by writing this post, or maybe even before that, you start to examine the thoughts which held you prisoner to unhappiness.
I see a light in you from what you said in your follow up post; you said "I shared my umbrella with another."
This is the real you. the truth is no person is an island. we need each other; this simple act of sharing your umbrella will remind you that briefly, you were in touch with your real self, which is sweet and loving and reaches to others, so I say, I don't worry about your spiritual growth.
I still can have angry thoughts myself and I don't know if this will help you, I can sometimes catch myself going on a rant with myself about whatever, if I can catch those negative thoughts, I can say to them, like they was a person, "I wish to think on something else right now that is of wisdom, that will bring light on the situation."
and this is like they said above, to release the negation to higher guidance, or forgive yourself so you can make a new day.
also, you already know, or starting to know, that you cannot compare your life to anothers, for u don't know what struggles your sister may be hiding. she seems to be needing your love and approval if I am seeing your story correctly.
I see jealousy between siblings all the time. let me share something funny;
I have born identical twins. they both have the same exact bone structure, face and are, to me, quite beautiful equally. Ok, they will get up in each other's face and the one say to the other, I am more beautiful than you are!
hahahaha!!!
so the jealousy, you will overcome that as you learn to love yourself more. if it helps any, this is a period in history, we are all going through tremendous pressure to become more spiritually conscious, and certainly, when someone dies close to us, it starts the process of intensity proportions.
just take yourself firmly in hand dear, and say, I am growing my own garden of character traits, and I will be all that I can be, right here and now, for I own the choices.
love to you, and come see us anytime you want to talk. alysia