It's a tough space Juditha, but for sure it's all a part of the learning process.
Observation would suggest that lots of ladies (no more than men) struggle to love themselves - that something gets programmed in that leads to a kind of chronic low self esteem.
This seems to usually manifest as an inability to receive love. Compliments, gestures and the like are brushed away and with time are not even perceived. Or if perceived are dismissed as not being genuine, or as clumsy male efforts not worthy of acceptance. Leading to a chronic feeling of being unloved which often turns to resentment.
Men often compensate for their insecurities and feeling unloved by over assertion. Which can make the touchy feely part of things even more difficult leading to their and their partner feeling even more unloved. Or can feel that a lack of assertive action by their partner implies a lack of love. And which can spill over into aggression in the face of the above resentment.
Both patterns (under assertion and over assertion) when combined with an inability to read what's going on in the relationship or to make space for it can become so ingrained and habitual that even repeated initiatives by either party will be blocked or misread. Leading eventually to genuinely hostile actions on the part of both parties.
The habitual behaviour patterns of both parties it seems to me somehow (in absence of deeper insight) often reinforce each other to leave both parties feeling out in the cold.
That's not to say that there aren't nasties out there too whose intentions are genuinely unpleasant. Or that some don't come into relationships with this low self love already so established that they purposely set out to hurt themselves - it's in the end maybe another example of our bringing into existence that which we most fear.
It all seems to be part of the great game of awakening - of learning to love and to live in love.
Bottom line in all of this though is that it takes two to tango...