pulsar
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Europe
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Hey DocM,
it is for sure astonishing to read about such experiences as felt as a disconnection between God and a saint like Mother Teresa. But doubts are even a part of believing, even believers ask themselves if that what they are doing is wether right or wrong. Maybe it was kind of asking herself, if it was enough she has done to gather gods love, it really sounds like she was on a journey to the ultimate truth about God and life itself, and if there are no proper answers (it is comparable to the doubts that also appear on this board about god, the afterlife and their existence), it is outsourcing, so to say, a "dark night of the soul". For me it is not that god was absent, just her doubts have overgrown the feeling of being part of him.
If believing had been nonsense for her, she would have quittet the service she was doing and searched for something else. But it seems that it was a serious issue for her, being with god (if it was the other way around she would not have helped in his name. Referring to the sentence "I want you to pray for me", it is best expressed, she seemed to think of herself not being able to connect with god, maybe we could talk of lacking guidance, maybe she desired more of it, and by being unfulfilled, it felt like being an empty shell, that is forsaken, kind of a lacking affirmation (for her) of the divine one.
But doubts and believe go hand in hand, doubts are there to make you search for your true, innermost deeply beliefs, and to find out, what they are, what does not mean, that the ansers reveal just the very moment you search for them, like it was for her, they were fellows for decades! So feeling to have lost the touch, means not actually that god let her down. Maybe it is more difficult for people like her to find pleasing arguments and answers, could be really like she searched for a deeper relationship, than that she towards god, and so for her it felt like falling apart from him. She thought she was incapable, I think she was not forsaken, just sort of broken.
Stupid as it sounds, life is full of ups and downs, for some the downs last much longer.
Love,
pulsar
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