Hi Juditha, dear one. You are so loved.
I can understand that life can be so frustrating at times. I have been away from my job for almost two months because of problems with medications that were supposed to help me conquer my alcoholism. There is no "happy" pill for some of us, and that is okay. Now, I don't need the pills AND I don't need the alcohol.
Additionally, after an x-ray and an MRI I am waiting to get a biopsy on my arm because I have something there. I don't know how this story will play out. And that is also okay.
You are a sensitive, loving person. Pain comes with that territory at times. I'm so sorry.
I admit that I, too, have longed for peace too much at times. Later, things became clearer. They always do. The MOST IMPORTANT THING is to GIVE YOURSELF SOME TIME. Do NOT give the universe a deadline for your happiness. Your happiness IS now, and always will be. What I mean is, come out from behind your curtain. Don't be afraid.
In my studies, I have been told that the measure of your pain is sometimes also the measure of your possible happiness. I know this is true, because I am, and I know you are, a person capable of giving much to the world, and there is no greater happiness than that.
Love yourself. We are here for you.
love, blink