Hi Baby Duck  Reading what you have written has so much in it what relates to me as well,i have sometimes considered suicide,wishing i was with my dad in the spirit world,where there is nothing but love,but like you i think of what it would do to my family and friends if i did this and i realise now that i chose this difficult path to walk,we all love you on here baby duck to read what you write and to give you our answers with love.

Hi vajra  I dont think you are lecturing or being to direct,I welcomed what you wrote,there is a lot of positives thoughts in there and has given me something to think about.

Hi Ra Being 20 and talking about the afterlife to your friends can cause a bit of uninterest from them as they are more interested in having a good time at that age,so they dont fully understand why you at there age, is into things like the afterlife,but one day they will start to ask you questions about your knowledge of spirit and they will be glad that you can give them the answers.

Hi Bets  Thanks for saying what you have,you have such a loving heart.

Hi Don Your right I did have a positive spiritual experience,after i read all the words on love on here.

Hi aylsia I agree with you,we are  incredibly bright and we both will keep interacting out there in the spirit land,till we finally get to stay there,I hope when we are all over there one day we can all get together  and have a spiritual party,with lots of celestial strawberries and cream.

Love and God bless all of you     Love Juditha

Juditha,

I don't want you to give up on going to the spiritualist chuch if your heart truly doesn't want you to.  Maybe the others are jealous of the natural give you and Deanna have and are acting ugly.  Childish for sure.  

I second what Dave said.  I'll admit that I never passed Algebra II and had to go to summer school.  Even with a tutor that year I still failed it.  Talk about embarrassing!  I am a musician and have been since I was a child.  I sing and play the piano and this gift I have been given is more important than passing some goofy Algebra.

I also agree that stepping back a little bit might be just the thing that brings out your gift even more and is confirmation that you might want to go back.  It's not fun to be in the presence of someone who makes you feel less than you are, so I can completely understand why you and Deanna want to stay away for a while.  

Follow your heart and you will end up in the right place.  Decisions, decisions....  You have a gift.  You already know this and I believe in you so keep your chin up.  By the way, I go to church at St. Peter too.  In Memphis, TN.  

Katie  

It's not the easiest path. My wife is a little interested, but frequently resorts to cynicism. My kids refer to me as a hippy. It does get very lonely sometimes.  But on the other hand there's lots of other 'hippies' around, and at least we don't get burnt at the stake like in the old days...

Good luck Juditha. I guess learning to pick up the vibes on who to confide in, and who not is part of the learning too. You'll probably find if you get relaxed enough that your antenna is very good indeed, just that your anxieties are blanking the feed and causing you to walk into trouble.

Self belief or ultimately self love/compassion is an issue for most of us in the West I think. We all seem to spend our whole lives guiltily or fearfully trying to live up to impossible requirements (which aren't important, or not our own truths anyway) set by others. So we can be 'successful' or something. Ha!!

It takes two to tango. Our own sensitivity and dislike of feeling we have done wrong by another means we take the blame on board, are very slow to think that maybe something else is wrong here. (hard to do that as a young child anyway, we normally  don't have what it takes)

And while there are many exceptions quite a few of us have never really had much by way of compassion expressed towards us, only an authoritarian dictat that we always do better and punishment for 'failing'. Lots of witholding of affection to encourage 'correct' behaviours too.

So we often develop a mental pattern where we try to stay out of trouble by becoming perfectionists. Which quickly runs out of control, and becomes an obsessive need to be that and a chronic sense of foreboding that we will be found out.

There's no doubt lots of variations on this, but we're not good on unconditional love in Western society. What passes for love tends to be highly disciplinarian.

It's a big issue for me. Concern about possible imperfect outcomes somehow in my mind gets converted into 'my fault. But the transition is subsconscious, and the resulting emotion is basically a feeling of chronic anxiety, or impending doom - presumably fear that some parent figure is going to clobber me over it. Leading to blood pressure and other health problems. Except there isn't any, it's just my mind following the same worn old groove.

I'm still working the issue, but I've slowly but steadily over the years got good results from spiritual healing sessions, Brandon Bay's the Journey techniques, Buddhist ngondro practices to feed love to myself and to release blame.

The TMI CD set Opening the Heart has helped me a lot, especially CD 3 Loves Power to Heal which contains assisted exercises similar to the ngondro practice and does a great job of raising vibration and eliminating depression as well.

I did quite a lot of hanging around in focus 12 and 15 asking for input and eventually got a very clear message in the form of a knowing to the effect that my issue was a blockage in the heart chakra. Which confirmed why lots of compassion related insight had been coming into my life during the previous year.

The most recent step was help from a lady in N Carolina (which I posted about) who confirmed this insight (she reads past lives) and gave me a technique similar to the ACIM forgiveness technique to bring stuff into consciousness. To always thank yourself when insight arises whether nice or nasty, and to never suppress or judge it. To just accept it for what it is.

Somehow she put it in such a way that I suddenly had clear insight into what I was doing to myself. Self compassion was no longer an abstract idea. And it's amazing how the vibe has lightened since. Hopefully it'll continue.

So don't give up. Be brave in facing stuff, but not harsh in how you judge your response to it. or unwise ins etting yourself up for pain. And get working. Don't know if you meditate, but lots of it is good as the resulting space leaves room for insight, makes the compu.lsive conditioned responses less likely....

Ian